This is the sort of scientific work I do in my spare time:

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys
(hat tip to Sithmonkey)

The winner of the Super Happy Fun IMAO Prize Package Number One is…

Continue reading ‘Super Happy Fun IMAO Prize Package Number One Winner’ »

Jonah Goldberg has finally finished his book — giving hope to procrastinators everywhere that one day they too can finish something — and thus the G-File has returned.
Since the book is about Liberal fascism (and I assume I’ll be getting a free copy in the mail), I’ll ask you what is your most hated example of liberal fascism?
I hate their petulant stares. Their fascist, petulant stares and the drool that that slowly forms at the corner of their mouths when they engage in such stares.
What do you think?

People who attack Fred Thompson all share one thing: They all end up severely mangled.

As it looks more and more likely that Fred Thompson is going to be the man to beat, attacks against him our mounting. I’ve compiled a list of attacks people are currently using against Fred Thompson and my responses to them.
ATTACKS AGAINST FRED THOMPSON
* He’s Lazy
The Attack: It took God six days to create the world and He didn’t rest until the seventh day, but Fred Thompson took fifteen days to make the planet Korlon 6 which included three separate days of rest.
This is a stupid attack. Fred Thompson works on his own timetable and not some artificial one someone set by someone else. Everyone will attest that Korlon 6 is an excellent planet and hugely benefited from the extra time Fred Thompson spent on it.
* He Just an Actor
The Attack: People only like Fred Thompson because he seems so great in his roles on TV.
Fred Thompson seems so great on TV because he is so great. Bills passed by Fred Thompson in TV shows and movies have been held up by the Supreme Court to be legally binding to the real world. Why? Because he’s Fred Thompson.
* He’s a Lobbyist
The Attack: Fred Thompson is just a lobbyist for special interest.
He’s not just any lobbyist. He once lobbied on behalf of male figure skaters for two hours and no one in the nation every said anything disparaging about them for an entire year. Don’t we want him lobbying on all our behalf’s?
* He’ll Dwarf the Accomplishments of Mortal Man
The Attack: Fred Thompson is so awesome, that everything regular man achieves will seem insignificant in comparison.
This is the same argument Lex Luthor uses against Superman, and it is compelling. Maybe it is man who will become lazy knowing that they have Fred Thompson to look out for them. But Fred Thompson is wise and knows not to solve all the problems of the world so as to leave us all some things to achieve.
* He May Provoke an Alien Attack
The Attack: While all nations on earth will become deathly afraid of the U.S. should Fred Thompson be placed in charge, alien worlds may take it as a provocation that we plan to conquer them and then preemptively attack us.
This is true. We do plan to conquer them led by Fred Thompson, and there is nothing they can do to stop us.

Apparently some git has posted a scan of the final chapter of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows online. I was already planning to go dark on Saturday to avoid potential spoilers (I have a special edition of Harry Potter themed Fred Thompson facts in the can for that day), but now I’ll have to be careful the rest of the week.
Anyone who puts spoilers on IMAO will get a lifetime ban and be hated for all eternity. If you read the Potter books, you’d understand.

Rep. Keith “He’s a Muslim!” Ellison has made the news for comparing President Bush to Hitler, but you have to be careful with that. Know who was fond of comparing people to Hitler?
Hitler, that’s who.
Anytime Hitler wanted to defame someone, he’d point to the guy and say, “You know, he’s a lot like me!”
It was over the top then, and it’s over the top now.