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As it looks more and more likely that Fred Thompson is going to be the man to beat, attacks against him our mounting. I’ve compiled a list of attacks people are currently using against Fred Thompson and my responses to them.
ATTACKS AGAINST FRED THOMPSON
* He’s Lazy
The Attack: It took God six days to create the world and He didn’t rest until the seventh day, but Fred Thompson took fifteen days to make the planet Korlon 6 which included three separate days of rest.
This is a stupid attack. Fred Thompson works on his own timetable and not some artificial one someone set by someone else. Everyone will attest that Korlon 6 is an excellent planet and hugely benefited from the extra time Fred Thompson spent on it.
* He Just an Actor
The Attack: People only like Fred Thompson because he seems so great in his roles on TV.
Fred Thompson seems so great on TV because he is so great. Bills passed by Fred Thompson in TV shows and movies have been held up by the Supreme Court to be legally binding to the real world. Why? Because he’s Fred Thompson.
* He’s a Lobbyist
The Attack: Fred Thompson is just a lobbyist for special interest.
He’s not just any lobbyist. He once lobbied on behalf of male figure skaters for two hours and no one in the nation every said anything disparaging about them for an entire year. Don’t we want him lobbying on all our behalf’s?
* He’ll Dwarf the Accomplishments of Mortal Man
The Attack: Fred Thompson is so awesome, that everything regular man achieves will seem insignificant in comparison.
This is the same argument Lex Luthor uses against Superman, and it is compelling. Maybe it is man who will become lazy knowing that they have Fred Thompson to look out for them. But Fred Thompson is wise and knows not to solve all the problems of the world so as to leave us all some things to achieve.
* He May Provoke an Alien Attack
The Attack: While all nations on earth will become deathly afraid of the U.S. should Fred Thompson be placed in charge, alien worlds may take it as a provocation that we plan to conquer them and then preemptively attack us.
This is true. We do plan to conquer them led by Fred Thompson, and there is nothing they can do to stop us.
The Korlon 6.2 upgrades are awesome! Yeah Fred!
Fred allows these attacks to take place, so they must be a part of his encompassing tactical strategy.
HA! Put this in your pipe and smoke it, Jerkies.
http://thespinfactor.com/thetruth/2007/07/16/military-support-for-the-republican-candidates
Smoked Jerky is tasty and delicious.
Posted by: #1 Ronulan on July 17, 2007 12:48 PM
If those numbers are as accurate as Ron Paul’s internet polls, I’m sure I speak for everybody when I say we have full confidence in them
the web site listed by the #1 moronulan is for the worshiping of ron paul and not to be taken for anything remotely resembling reality. i spent a few minutes (that I unfortunately can’t get back) perusing their postings – wow! nutter central!
I spent a few minutes there too. So much sadness.
I love Ron Paul polls! There should be more of them. Everyone who’s ever lived seems to support him, but he only took in $1.27 in campaign contributions last quarter. Can’t wait for more amazing Rontastic Facts to emerge!
all of that military support and you still can’t out poll John Mclame……
Ron Paul fact of the day:
Today, Ron Paul sponsored a study of the reenactment of the “Gulf of Tonka” sandbox conspiracy.
Unnamed study officials, who are not authorized to publically comment, have confirmed that the green army men preemptively attacked the brown army men when their Tonka truck was viciously struck by a series of carefully buried tootsie rolls.
Further details are pending…..
The day that Fred Thompson announces for POTUS, Ron Paul’s head will either explode or shrivel up and he will go away! Fred Thompson is so super awesome! I was going to say something about how super awesome this post was and about how funny Frank J was but I already lost big time in the drawing contest so…
(insert sarcasm warning here)
Fred Thompson deserves every attack he has to face – try to follow my logic here. Most of the problems America now faces arose or were exacerbated by Jimmy Carter. If it weren’t for Jimmah, the ChiComs wouldn’t have the Panama Canal, there’d be a Shah instead of an Ayatollah, Hugo Chavez and Danny Ortega’s elections would have been seen for the frauds that they are, etc, etc…
The only reason Jimmah get the White House was that he ran against a total stiff in Gerald Ford. (Not that Ford was entirely rotten – it’s just that his leadership style was about as exciting as day-old oatmeal.) The only reason Ford was the incumbent was because of Nixon’s problems. Nixon’s problem, of course, was Watergate. If Fred! could have handled his Watergate assignment a little better, the Aytollah would have died in exile, we’d still have the canal, and ussjimmycarter would be on a boat with a much better name.
I think the only aliens with the balls to attack Fred Thompson would be Darkseid and even then Fred would hit him so hard he would start spelling his name correctly.
Darkseid, what was Kirby smoking.
Darkseid, what was Kirby smoking.
The jerky, don’t you keep up?!