“And this is the Capitol Building. Everyone here is stupid,” President Bush told the little Iraqi girl as he showed her around the Senate chambers.
“Why are there beds here? Are the people here homeless?” the girl asked.
Bush shrugged his shoulders. “I never know what the hell is going on here.”
“We’re going to stay up all night to make sure America retreats from Iraq!” Harry Reid declared.
“But what will happen to my family!” exclaimed the worried little girl.
Harry Reid knelt down to face her eye to eye and put his hand on her shoulder. “They’ll most likely be killed in the ensuing genocide, but know that their deaths will not be in vain because our analysts thinks the genocide will be blamed on Bush and perhaps skyrocket the Democratic Congress’s approval ratings all the way into the 20s.”
Bush chuckled. “My approval rating is already in the 20s. You guys suck.”
Reid stood up to face Bush. “We’re going to show we’re trying, and that will win over those guys on the internet!”
Bush grimaced. “The Kos Kids? You think their support will help you? Those goobers couldn’t find their wieners with two hands and MapQuest turn by turn direction from their home to their wieners.”
“Everyone uses GoogleMaps now,” the Iraqi girl said.
“Yeah, but that won’t give you directions to your wiener. I tried.” Bush turned to Reid. “I have a lot of time on my hands lately.”
“Excuse us, but we have to get our beds prepared for staying up all night.” Reid walked away to watch an aide fluff his pillows.
“I don’t understand,” the Iraqi girl said. “If they’re going to stay up all night, why do they need beds?”
“Because they’re morons and nothing they do makes sense.”
“I can’t get to sleep,” Carl Levin yelled, “Ted keeps farting!”
“Gerwarglerr!” Ted Kennedy replied.
“Jeeves, change my sheets!” Kerry called out. “I caught Byrd wearing them.”
“Are they going to sleep already?” the Iraqi girl asked. “It’s only six.”
“We’re old!” Reid answered.
Soon the Senate chambers were filled with snores. “Obviously, we have to do stuff to them while their sleeping,” Bush said. “I say let’s keep it simple and just quietly load them on a truck and dump them in the Potomac.”
“I thought you were going to show me the dinosaurs.”
“Bah, you don’t want to see that. Anyway, I heard those fossil bones are just a Jewish conspiracy to make the earth look older than it is. Now help me hot wire a truck.”
Reid was awakened when he felt himself hit cold water. “Help me! Help me!” he screamed as he splashed about in the river. He was hit in the face with an elbow as Ted Kennedy swam past like a torpedo.
“Not again!” Kennedy shouted. He was soon to shore and running away without a single glance behind him. “I need to find my lawyer!”
LOL!!! One of the funniest posts you’ve ever written!!! You forgot to mention, however, that one little incident where Barbara Boxer and Hillary Clinton were found sleeping in the same cot….yeah.
“Jeeves, change my sheets!” Kerry called out. “I caught Byrd wearing them.”
Thanks a lot – LOL at Work! Doh!
LOL indeed.
Very LOL and not just because you, um, pay me either.
“Yeah, but that won’t give you directions to your wiener. I tried.” Bush turned to Reid. “I have a lot of time on my hands lately.”
LOL!! Poor Dubya, I like the guy, but that was freaking funny! You know if Congress would get back to doing their jobs instead of sniffing around George’s ass so much, maybe he’d get back to remembering how to do his own job and nuke iran like he’s supposed to.
Soon the Senate chambers were filled with snores. “Obviously, we have to do stuff to them while their sleeping,” Bush said. “I say let’s keep it simple and just quietly load them on a truck and dump them in the Potomac.”
No dude, you got to go Parent Trap on them, cover their legs with honey/meat and turn a bunch of bears/rottwielers loose in the chambers.
“Not again!” Kennedy shouted. He was soon to shore and running away without a single glance behind him. “I need to find my lawyer!”
Now THAT’S bringing teh funny!
I would have thought Kennedy would swim more like a drunken whale than a torpedo.
Would have preferred Bush’s response about seeing the dinosaurs:
“These ARE the dinosaurs…”
Dods,
Even Bloated Whales can still swim pretty damned fast. Red Ted was just lucky no whalers troll the Potomac. Else he’d have a huge Harpoon right in the keister.
Actually, that’s not a bad idea for all of Congress given the recent immigration issue and Whiny Little Nevada Bitch’s shelving of the Defense Spending bill.
Bush grimaced. “The Kos Kids? You think their support will help you? Those goobers couldn’t find their wieners with two hands and MapQuest turn by turn direction from their home to their wieners.”
LMAO!
That was one of the best yet! LMAO indeed…
When I get interviewed, this will be my favorite post!
Anyone know the procedure for removing nose spewed soda from a keyboard?
“Yeah, but that won’t give you directions to your wiener. I tried.” Bush turned to Reid. “I have a lot of time on my hands lately.”
+1 for the way you write Bush. I used to like the guy pretty well, but I’m having trouble forgiving his shamnesty rants. I figure he does have a lot of time on his hands, because the good stuff he wants to do the Dems will block, and the bad stuff he wants to do the American people apparently have already blocked.
Teddy “Bah-Stool” Kennedy is, as all good Chowds know, NOT a “bloated whale” but The Manatee of Mah-thah’s Vin-yahd.
Funny, but lose the, er, dirtier things. I was reading it to my dad and had to pretend your grammar was indecipherable, as it sometimes is, because he’s a prude. Actually, so am I.
“Not again!” Kennedy shouted. He was soon to shore and running away without a single glance behind him. “I need to find my lawyer!”
I think my just pissed my pants!!! damn that was good…
+1 for the way you write Bush.
LOL! Frank! Did you get a magically enhanced writing tool to get that stat??