House Speaker and 67-year-old grandmother Nancy Pelosi has been voted the #4 Most Beautiful Person on Capitol Hill.
Seriously.
Personally, I don’t understand the result, but since I hate mysteries, I’ll just take my best guesses about how this might have happened:
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- Her roughly tanned skin locked up the leather fetishist vote.
- Power is a strong aphrodisiac, and so – apparently – is undermining the war effort.
- Ballot box stuffed by people who are irresistably attracted to pointy, plastic noses.
- Let’s just say she took some “cinematic tips” from Paris Hilton, and let you Google it from there.
- Voting done entirely by blind people. Turns out Nancy is actually stunningly attractive in braille.
- Poll reflects opinions of Arab men who voted according to how much better she’d look in a burka.
- Should’ve been Al Gore. Stupid butterfly ballots!
- You have to admit that it’s darned impressive that a 67-year-old woman had the stamina to sleep her way that far up the list.
- In her own way, Nancy IS “beautiful”. Just like she “supports” the troops.
- Uncaught typo led to ballots reading “hideously disfigured Sleestak-looking freak” instead of “beautiful”.
- It was a reward for NOT participating in the swimsuit competition.
- GILF is the new MILF
Regardless of how Nancy made it, I think we can all agree that the REAL travesty here is that Hillary got passed over for Miss Congeniality.
Only #4? I thought that Scary Evil Monkey had enough pull to get his mother the #1 spot….
to borrow a phrase from an episode of South Park…
Nancy Pelosi looks like somebody tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver
God doesn’t even believe in himself after this article.
Fourth? Wow! After reading about the other winners, I stand perplexed, nervous, and hopeless. Much like a monkey-faced liberal feels when they realize that Fred Thompson will be the next President!
Maybe Fred will be kind enough to pardon the life sentence the editor of “The Hill” should get for THAT crime we just saw.
//* Uncaught typo led to ballots reading “hideously disfigured Sleestak-looking freak” instead of “beautiful”.//
Excuse me while get a towel to clean my monitor off. That one was awesome.
You know, I really don’t care what any of them looks like. Somebody who would work on Capitol Hill is somebody who I wouldn’t want to date, althought I can see how it would be fun to take one of those gals to a performance of Don Giovanni to see whether she thinks Dona Ana or Dona Elvira is more like John Edwards.
Besides the actual words, I have to say that #6 should have won by a LANDSLIDE over Piglosi.
There are lots of hot democrats. Nancy Pelosi is not one of them. It’s not just one or two pictures that make her look scary – it’s all of ’em. Not. Even. Attractive. @.@ My eyes burn now.
Laura Bush should be in her place. She’s way prettier than Pelosi, but that’s not saying much on Nancy’s part.
Just lookin’ at Pelgrossy gives me the willies. I haven’t even started on her politics.
Is this really the finest stuff the #1 conservative humor site can come up with? Some notes, since you seem to need them.
Keeping It Fresh is extremely important. Byrd was in the Klan like 70 years ago, even before Cheney’s first DWI or draft deferment. You don’t hear a lot of jokes about Fawn Hall or Jessica Hahn on lefty websites. There’s a reason for that.
4, 5, 7, and 12 are decent. 2 & 9 imply that the Speaker of the House wants U.S. troops to be killed or maimed. That’s not really a laughing matter.
The rest are essentially the same as a Martin Lawrence film. Gee, grandmothers aren’t attractive. That’s hilarious.
While this list is retarded and ripe for mockery, you’ve got to keep it classy. You’re a professional comedian. So some craftmanship and don’t be so lazy…
Craftsmanship?
Dude, this was a throw-away post I wrote in 10 minutes because I had a deadline. You’re lucky there were even four “decent” ones.
You want “professional” list humor, visit Letterman’s Top Ten site.
Meanwhile, either write your own list on the topic and show me how it’s done or quit bitchin’ that your free ice cream didn’t come with chocolate sprinkles.
Only #4? I thought that Scary Evil Monkey had enough pull to get his mother the #1 spot….
Posted by: Master Shake on July 30, 2007 06:03 PM
It was my position FIRST that she had an incredible likeness to scary evil monkey, but I’ll forgive you this one time, Harv.
Regarding Um,
“2 & 9 imply that the Speaker of the House wants U.S. troops to be killed or maimed. That’s not really a laughing matter.”
You’re right, her support for the enemy hasn’t been a laughing matter, nor were her meetings with leaders of countries that support our enemies. Yet, she’s always got that ugly smile on her mug.
Son, nice try, but I’m sure you read that Sec. Rice went to Damascus two weeks after Rep. Pelosi did. Sec. Rice wore a headscarf also and State okayed Pelosi’s trip beforehand. What about the Republican Reps who traveled with Pelosi? Aren’t you outraged by them?
Pelosi supports our disabled vets by blocking Bush’s attempted cuts to the VA. Take a gander at his proposed budget for 2009 & 2010.
Pelosi supports our fighting men and women overseas by making sure they have adequate rest between tours and the equipment they need.
Pelosi supports military families by passing a pay raise for soldiers and sailors. A pay raise that Senate Republicans blocked because it would come out of Paris Hilton’s tax cut.
She wasn’t the one holding hands with the Prince of Saudi Arabia. George W. Bush brought shame to everyone of us and every American who has come before us when he did that.
//A pay raise that Senate Republicans blocked because it would come out of Paris Hilton’s tax cut.//
So you know, then? We thought nobody would find out. Good work, detective!
Kyle, nice try, but Rice went to Syria to address the Iraq situation on behalf of the President as Secretary of State, which is her job. Pelosi (and the loser Republicans that accompanied her) had no business attempting to represent the American government in fabricated negotiations – sorry, not the role of the House speaker – and delivering a phony message of surrender from Israel as well? What a disgrace.
There were no cuts to the VA.
Pelosi has no say over military tours, other than when she was busy doing her best to persuade her cronies to not pass a military budget at all, denying them their vacation leave…or what you might call “rests”.
Paris Hilton isn’t one of ours…she’s a liberal. You, however, got that tax cut you so detest, and that same tax cut has given us an amazing economy, just as it did when first introduced by JFK…a Democrat hero, then Ronald Reagan. However, Pelosi and her friends want to take away your tax cut and raise your taxes. Good move on your part to support Pelosi as she raises your taxes…that’ll teach Paris.
Interesting, so Queen Nancy elects herself Ambassador to terrorist states, delivers a message of surrender and she’s your hero, but Bush, as President of the United States meets with Saudi Arabia – at the time an Ally – and he’s a disgrace.
Keep drinkin’ that Kool-Aid there, Kyle.
Son, nice try, but I’m sure you read that Sec. Rice went to Damascus two weeks after Rep. Pelosi did.
– I missed where in the Constitution the speaker of the House was granted authority to conduct U.S. foreign policy. Don’t blame us for having to clean up after her.
Sec. Rice wore a headscarf also and State okayed Pelosi’s trip beforehand. What about the Republican Reps who traveled with Pelosi? Aren’t you outraged by them?
– It wasn’t merely that she went over there, she made a fool of herself in doing so (something that was pretty widely acknowledged at the time by people on the left as well as the right). Besides the photo-ops (and, come on, she looked ridiculous whether other people have worn a veil previously or not) she also misrepresented the Israeli and Syrian positions and caused diplomatic mess in the process.
Pelosi supports our fighting men and women overseas by making sure they have adequate rest between tours and the equipment they need.
Greater leave-time between tours –> fewer men in Iraq –> fewer people to fight the bad guys –> fewer people to cover you when you’re in combat and in need of backup.
While I’m all for higher pay for the military and granting troops more benefits, it’s interesting that when Dems say they support the troops-it seems to always dovetail into stuff like this – the military is not a welfare program. Keeping as many troops as possible at home while the government grants the highest pay and benefits possible, even though it’s to people who are just being kept at home, is a goal (and apparently Pelosi’s ideal) that would render the military pointless.
She wasn’t the one holding hands with the Prince of Saudi Arabia.
Yeah, as opposed to before Bush, when we treated Saudi Arabia as a pariah and a contagious leper…
I don’t like our relationship with the Saudis, but it’s a bit of a stretch to blame Bush for it.
Yeah, Scary Evil Monkey is definitely easier on the eyes.
The ice cream doesn’t come with chocolate sprinkles? How about Jimmies? Wait, sprinkles and Jimmies suck…
As for Nancy, some people are born ugly, some people have nasty accidents, and some people spend so much time in Satan’s presence that…well…
Meanwhile, either write your own list on the topic and show me how it’s done or quit bitchin’ that your free ice cream didn’t come with chocolate sprinkles.
Silly Harvey, people like Um can’t actually produce anything on their own, thats why they need to criticize those such as yourself who can.
Keep up the good work.
Frank J – Yeah, Scary Evil Monkey is definitely easier on the eyes.
Is that before or after he eats them and turns them to poo? Not disagreeing in either case.
Frank J – Yeah, Scary Evil Monkey is definitely easier on the eyes.
Is that before or after he eats them and turns them to poo? Not disagreeing in either case.
I know how this happened — it was a freak accident, really. See, all the genuinely attractive people in the government were at a press conference when the ballots were filled out, and so were caught in Helen Thomas’s terrible field of hideousness. It’s the beauty equivalent of a black hole: no appealing appearances can escape its deadly pull.