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Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Pork & Beans.
What’s the story behind your name? I wrote a practice on vernacular for my writing instructor in college that had to do with eating pork & beans. She loved it and most everything else that I wrote. I signed all my homework with that name. At the end of the term she suggested I read Twain’s and Patrick McMannus’ books; she said they have that “pork & beans” flavor. Kinda stuck.
Where do you live? I live on a wide spot in the road in rural western Oregon called Kings Valley.
How old are you? 51, but I feel older most times.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I grew up in the area where I live. I worked as a logger for many years (that’s why I hate those filthy stinkin’ hippies!). After my body started to break down, I worked for a major printer manufacturer as a technician for 11 years. Now I’m laid-off and looking for work. My wife and I breed Siberian Huskies and that helps a little.
Who would win in a fight between Wolverine and Aquaman if the fight were underwater (remember that Wolverine can’t breathe underwater)? Also, Wolverine’s claws are broken, he’s hung over, and he put his mask on backwards. Who would win? I can’t breathe underwater, don’t have claws, I’m extremely hung over, put my pants on backwards, and even I could probably kick Aquaman’s butt. Wolverine, hands down!
How long have you been reading IMAO? Three or four years I think.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? I have to say “Frank the Artist” is my favorite. You are an artistic and comic genius! I love Newsish Fakery (my photoshop work was posted there once).” There was a post by Lawrence Simon about your’s and his trip to the Olive Garden that was great. And, anything by Harvey.
What’s you favorite political issue? It’s all so maddening, but too important to ignore. The things democrats do to win just boils my blood. My state is “vote by mail.” My mail carrier is a stinkin’ hippie with Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers on her old Volvo station wagon. Our county (Benton) voted for socialized medicine when this blue state voted it down by 70%. I’m sure my ballot hasn’t been counted since 2000.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes I have two. One is for our dog breeding business(it was built using MS Publisher so it needs to be viewed in IE) and the other is a blog I just started. I aspire to write like Patrick McMannus and thought I’d start writing funny stories about growing up here along with other things that come to mind. It’s pretty lame and only has one real post on it, but it’s a true story (I’ll embellish later). http://skipnrocks.blogspot.com. Be kind!
How would you protect the borders? Personally, I’d have the oil companies build several refineries in Mexico first. Then I’d launch a full scale invasion on Latin America and conquer everything to the Columbian border. Panama would be broken into two states separated by the canal. The state of South Panama would become our largest military base. Our Southern border would be less then one hundred miles and a ten mile strip to the north would be firing range for all weaponry. Otherwise, I’d utilize S.M.I.T.E or the Mexi-Cannon.
If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you’re still in the running. Eventually I’ll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!
Hey P+B, your website displays fine with Firefox, by the way. Good luck with those Siberians. I raised one from a fluff ball when I was a teenager. They’re a great breed. That beautiful dog would greet me by grabbing my hand, just like a wolf. When he wanted to go outside, he’d go to the backdoor, touch the knob with is nose, turn, look at me and start singing. (Whoa, and we’re both over 1/2 century. Not many here can say that!)
Jimmy,
Jakenstein always grabs my hand –he owns me. JoeJoe talks all the time. And, we know what he’s saying(most times). We love it. I love this breed!
P+B, I know what you mean. I miss my “Rurik” (Russian for Chief) so much. At the time I lived in a rural area and had him trained to always come home – but let him roam and hunt by himself. I later found out he had bitches and offspring throughout a 10-mile radius of our house! There were little Ruriks all over the place. And he was the happiest dog I ever had.
Pork & Beans,
A big high five from a 5th generation Oregonian here! Get rid of them hippies and I might even consider coming back.
Your puppies are beautiful!
Jonag,
Please come back! We need your vote…if you can get it counted!
~P&B~
were does he get these addvertisments?
P&B – dude, I’ve thought for years that I’m Pat McManus’s biggest fan, I own everything he’s ever written and read it all countless times (I even subscribed to Outdoor Life from 1981 or so for the next ten years just so I could read Pat’s humor column in the magazine). Perhaps you and your writing instructor living up in the Pacific Northwest helps but being a lifelong Tennessee native, I swear the only reason I knew about Pat at all was Outdoor Life, and his books being on sale in the chain bookstores.
So did you follow your writing instructor’s advice and read McManus?
If so, are you saying that what you’ve written and you write is like that?
If so, have you written anything for publication?
If you can’t already tell, I’d be interested in reading anything that a writing teacher said resembled McManus, so hook me up if you want and can.
For any of you reading this comment that don’t know Pat McManus, do yourselves a favor and check him out; even if you’re not into hunting/fishing/camping his short humor pieces are an absolute riot — they are timeless and good clean fun and if you read them late at night you’ll be waking the family, falling out of your recliner or bed laughing.
These days I read McManus stories to my 9 year-old twins and they adore that.
Oh, P&B, loved your website, too; Huskies are indeed beautiful. Congrats and thanks for being a kind, quality breeder of a fine dog.
My family of four (not counting dogs, that’s another four now) rescued two Golden Retriever mixes just a couple months ago from the local shelter and then my mother-in-law went and bought my daughter a Morkie (which has become my responsibility, since I work from home lol — that 3 pound Napoleon is much harder to deal with than any big dog I’ve ever been around!). Whew, we already had a 13+ year-old Lab mix! Now I feel like I’m running a kennel myself!
Um, Bill here, I posted the really long post earlier, I feel like a doofus for not reading the whole interview before I fired off a comment … lol, you answered the Pat McManus questions and I’m heading over to your blog to check it out right now!
Great answers Pork and Beans! Good luck with your Dog Breeding Business. Bet you are a big fan of Vick! I’d forgotten about the Mexicannon! Another of Frank’s great inventions! LOL!