I’ve noticed that people registered in TypeKey don’t have the e-mail field filled out when they comment, so if you’ve been using a TypeKey login and wanted to be in Ronin Profiles, just say so here (but first log out of TypeKey temporarily so you can fill in the e-mail field for this one time — only I get to see it).
If you asked to take part in this and filled out your e-mail field, you’re in the running so don’t worry. I’ll get to everyone… eventually.
Archive of entries posted on 20th August 2007
Iraq’s Funniest Home Videos
IMAO Says: Thank You, Jane Fonda!
I just read a post at Michelle Malkin’s site and we have to take a moment and say acknowledge heart felt admiration. There have been rare times when liberals do something brave: The time John Edwards checked into a luxury hotel to better study poverty; the time Hillary Clinton, in an effort to be open and honest, had her white house records sealed until 2008; the time Ted Kennedy decided to not have another drink (of course, he had drank all the liquor by that time, but that doesn’t matter.) To this brave list, We’d like to add the name of Jane Fonda.
Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem bravely set out to establish a radio network made only for feminists. Unfortunately, they were not even close to duplicating the raging success of Air America.
Ironically, they did a lot of things right!
First, they hired mostly women. This is a good move since, statistics show, women make a lot less money than men. This is always a good way to save money. Secondly, if you hire pretty ones, then the delivery drivers handle your packages with greater care. Plus, you can get the water delivery guy to help you put that big heavy bottle onto the cooler for you. Nobody likes doing that.
However, it is not just the conservation of money that impresses us. Personally, we believe that Ms. Fonda would have done well to hire a few Undocumented Radio Dee Jays. Sure, many of them don’t speak the language, but asking them to broadcast in Engish would be very racist. But it is a GREAT way to save on money.
What impresses us is that Ms Fonda and the gals ditched all of their employees without paying them a stitch of severance or helping them continue their healthcare benefits in any way. I find this a good strategy as many women spend all their money on makeup and clothes when they should be spending it on things like gifts for their men.
Besides, now these ladies can spend more time where they belong: the kitchen.
There’s nothing wrong with women who work, every workplace needs women, especially pretty ones that haven’t gotten too fat and still know how to wiggle their cute little tushies.
That’s why today, IMAO would like to offer it’s full support to Ms. Fonda in helping her keep women in their place. Hopefully this will inspire her former employees to go out there and do what they should have done all along – find good men to take care of them. .
Thank You, Jane Fonda.
With your help, maybe one day we can set up another holiday: National Ladies Wear a Low Cut Blouse and Short Skirt Day.
Then, truly, we will have progressed beyond the shallow confines of gender and gender stereotypes.
Ronin Profiles: Da Coyote
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Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Da Coyote.
What’s the story behind your name? I joined a group trying to keep Space Above and Beyond on the air many years ago. The group was organized as a fighter squadron that had a canine theme. I selected Coyote (sort of doggish) and soon after the show was canceled. I kind of liked the nickname, rather fitting for me if you’ve ever seen a Road Runner cartoon, and so I began to use it as my online alias other places. But Coyote was, more often than not, already taken. As was “The Coyote”. So I threw a “Da” in front of it. That makes it different enough that it is usually not already taken. So now in many corners of the net I’m known as ‘Da Coyote’
Where do you live? Beaverton, Oregon
How old are you? 34 years and change.
Tell us briefly about yourself. 34, married, one kid, employed, in debt up to my hairline (which is receding), concealed handgun permit bearer, gun owner, voter, and though such titles are too vague to properly describe the range of issues involved you might call me a ‘Libertarian Federalist’. Maybe it’s just easier if I say that I haven’t read anything from Thomas Sowell that wasn’t right on the money.
Trolls: Do they make comments more or less entertaining? Depends on if it’s a Ron Paul supporter or not.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Off and on for about 1 1/2 years.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? I’d have to go with the Fred Thompson Facts.
What’s you favorite political issue? Not a ‘favorite’, but I’m most passionate about the right to bear arms. Federalism is a close second, but I truly believe that the day the government goes for the guns is the day America, and the world in general, will fall into a new dark age.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a ‘space’ with the MSN network that comes with my net access called “Blatant Plagiarism with a smile” but I’ve never got around to putting anything there. One of these days perhaps I will post a tome of wisdom there for the betterment of humanity. Probably not though.
If you had enough strength to throw someone across a room, how often do you think you would do that? I do have enough strength to throw someone across the room- but my two-year-old hasn’t quite eroded my sanity that far yet.
If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!
John Edwards Contines to Fight War on Poverty
WASHINGTON (AP) – Reacting to Barack Obama’s tougher stance in the War On Terror, presidential candidate John Edwards has declared that, if elected to the nation’s highest office, he will launch a new offensive in the War on Poverty. Specifically, he vows to target people who have defaulted on their high risk mortgages.
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“There is a greater terror than insurgents with roadside bombs,” said Edwards, “and that’s low-lifes who don’t make their mortgage payments on time. If elected president, I will fight against those who betray the trust of the subprime lenders by hitting them where they live – literally – and foreclosing on their houses.”
“Unlike naive and inexperience candidates who talk tough on fighting foreign wars, yet have never left Iowa, or Indiana, or Idaho, or whatever stupid ‘I’ state they come from coughSenator Obamacough, I have significant experience fighting this particular war. I’ve made almost half a million dollars working for a company that specialized on getting deadbeats out of houses and back on the streets where they belong. I don’t just TALK tough on poverty, I knock the shiftless bastards around, too.”
However, some critics question his credibility on this issue. The company doing the foreclosing (Green Tree Servicing) was only a small subsidiary of the company Edwards worked for (Fortress Investment Group), implying that Edwards’s involvement in the actual foreclosure process was merely indirect at best.
Edwards challenged that assertion.
“I don’t like to brag, but I personally dragged a 67-year-old Katrina victim out of her house by the hair, flung her down into the mud, kicked her a few times & told her to start paying her damn bills on time before we had to get REALLY rough with her,” said Edwards with an air of great accomplishment. “That ‘I was in a hurricane’ crap may get sympathy on the evening news, but I’ve got a hair stylist to pay. I want my damn money. I can’t buy haircuts with excuses.”
Not to be outdone, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton outlined her own “War on Poverty” agenda over the weekend. “When I’m elected President,” said Clinton, “I plan to organize a new Cabinet-level ‘Department of Collections’ which will draw from some of the most prominent members of the Italian-American Legitimate Businessmen’s community. They will ‘help’ those who might have ‘accidents’ if they don’t pay their creditors by the end of the week. America’s poor have some nice families, and it would be a shame if anything were to ‘happen’ to them.”
[Hat tip to IMAO reader Cathy for that first link]
John Edwards: Dumber Than We Thought
Recently, John Edwards while in Iowa answered a question about healthcare with:
“I’m going to be honest with you — I don’t know a lot about Cuba’s healthcare system. Is it a government-run system?”
Apparently, he’s never heard that Cuba is Communist. Really, how often does that ever come up?
OTHER APPALLINGLY STUPID THINGS JOHN EDWARDS HAS SAID
“Some people are coming in from Mexico illegally? That’s the first I heard of that.”
“They play hockey in Canada? Are you sure?”
“I make more money than the average American? Really?”
“Most men don’t carry a purse? Where do they keep their makeup?”
“There was a war with the Germans last century? But they seem so nice!”
“Muslims in the Middle East have a problem with Israel? What about?
“You can get a haircut for less than a hundred dollars? You mean in a third-world country, right?”
“There are Asian people in China?”
“There’s a war going on? Involving us?”
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
John Edwards was once possessed by a demon and kept uncontrollably vomiting unicorns & rainbows.Common Candidate Mistakes
Presidential candidates are always placed under a lot of scrutiny, and thus it’s imperative to avoid mistakes. Here are some basic ones every candidate should be aware of:
COMMON CANDIDATE MISTAKES
* Racial and Ethnic Slurs: Strangely, this one keeps having to be reemphasized. Before you say anything, check to make sure it doesn’t have any racial and ethnic slurs in it. And no matter how much you think Chris Rock’s stand up may pertain to a situation, don’t quote it.
* Tell People Their Children Are Ugly: Statistically, most people’s children are ugly, but parents you want to vote for you don’t need to know that. So, even if someone’s child has overly-large nostrils, a sloping brow, and eyes too close together (or too far apart), don’t point it out. Just try not to look at him.
* Suggest Nuking Mecca: Anyone who has spent anytime thinking about foreign policy has at least pondered nuking Mecca, but don’t actually say it out loud. As neato as a huge religious war may seem, it’s not a good idea.
* Forget Your Pants: Common Kennedy mistake.
* Rely on Stereotypes of People’s Culture: Before meeting a new group of people, it’s best to have someone from that group who is already a supporter to help you out. Don’t rely on stereotypes you’ve learned from TV or your inside the Beltway friends. Despite what you may have heard, the best way to ingratiate yourself with white, male southerners isn’t to shout, “So who’s up for a good lynching?”
* Striking the Elderly: When going around and meeting voters, it’s often hard to resist striking the elderly since they are weak and can’t fight back. Still, it’s a bad idea and can have almost as bad an effect on your seniors’ vote as talking about changing Social Security.
* Botched Jokes: If all you really feel for the rubes in fly-over states is pure disdain, then you probably can’t actually relate to those people enough to tell a joke. If you are to tell a joke, being a politician, you probably won’t understand the humor which will interfere with the joke-telling, so make sure your staff indicates on the script where to pause for a beat and after which line to expect laughter.
* Publicly Urinate on Voters’ Prized Possessions: Again, a common Kennedy mistake.
* Point Out How Poor People Are: You may think you’re making a good point about how bad the economy is and how you plan to fix it, but it’s still a bad idea to sip a martini while looking at supporters and exclaiming, “Wow! Just look at your clothes; you people really do need my help. I’d kill myself if I were as poor as you.”
* Threaten to Invade an Ally: Big rookie mistake. While some groups may actually respond to crazy hawkishness, if you’re campaigning against the hawkishness of the previous administration, then maybe you should at least scan what our diplomatic relations are with a country before threatening to invade them.
* Get Services from Any Business with “Pink” in Its Name: No excuse for this one.
* Remind Everyone How Much Smarter You Are: Saying things like, “This is probably too complex for you Midwesterners, but know I understand everything,” is not a good way to argue issues to people. Also, if you come from a rich, politically-inclined family, you’ve probably just had a lot of people telling you you’re smart when you’re actually a bit of a nitwit.
* Leave a Supporter in a Sinking Car: Those wacky Kennedys,
* Tell the Truth: Whatever you do, don’t say what you’re actually thinking. People who seek political power are a wretched group, and that last thing people want to know is the pure darkness in your heart. Stick to bland pleasantries rather than telling people what you actually believe.
What Could Ever Replace “Death to America”?
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Apparently, Ayatollah Khomeini was considering retiring his signature “Death to America!” chant. I guess if you say it too many times, it does begin to lose all meaning. So, what could be another great signature chant for radical Muslim clerics?
SUGGESTED NEW AYATOLLAH SIGNATURE CHANTS
“Watcha talk’n ’bout, Ahmadinejad”
“I got a hanker’n for a hunk o’ cheese!”
“I don’t particularly care for the Jews!”
“Death to Smoochy!”
“Gooooooooood morning Vietnam!”
“My beard itches with Muslimy goodness!”
“Infidels, you smell!”
“Turn on, tune in, drop out!”
“We’re here! We’re queer! We don’t want anymore bears!”
“I got a fever, and the only prescription is more Islam!”
“SEGA!”
If you have a good suggestion for a new radical Muslim chant, put it in the comments. Best one wins…
High Praise!
An Act of War
Malaysia is exporting their monkeys. If they really have too many monkeys that it’s becoming a problem, then just kill them and throw them in the sea. Still, I’m kinda curious what monkey meat tastes like. Anyone ever had some?
Links of the Day
While you’re waiting for me to write something, you can go check out the links at Conservative Grapevine such as:
The Radio Equalizer: Anticipating the return of Imus, Al Sharpton makes his demands.
Michael Fumento: Global warming and James Hansen’s hacks.
Rasmussen Reports: 58% of Americans favor cutting off federal funds for “sanctuary cities.”
Newsbusters: Former CNN reporter suggests hurricane Dean God’s wrath against Bush.
Conservative Grapevine: You can has links