He Gets Around

I’ve noticed that Ed seems to be showing up at the Puppy Blender’s site too making comments. Who is that guy? Maybe Captain Ed has hacked blogs on Hosting Matters.

Ronin Profiles: hwy93

hwy93

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s hwy93.


What’s the story behind your name? Hwy93 is the main street of Liberty.
Where do you live? Liberty, South Carolina. Not sure what the population is but the whole town can fit in the high school football stadium.
How old are you? Just turned 43.
Tell us briefly about yourself. Recently remarried, just celebrated our 2 month anniversary. It was both of our second time around. She had three boys and a girl and I had three girls and a boy, so now we have four of each. Only six are still at home but four of them are teenagers. Fun Fact: Our Moms set us up. So naturally I had to stalk her before our first date to make sure she wasn’t heinous. You do NOT want to trust your mom’s opinion on whether or not a girl is hot.
Why do you think liberals’ faces resemble those of monkeys? My theory is that it’s due to the amount of time liberals spend looking at the monkeys on the evolutionary ladder one rung above them.
How long have you been reading IMAO? approx 4 to 5 years.
What’s your favorite IMAO post?SuperEgo” and “In My World.” SuperEgo would make a great movie.
What’s you favorite political issue? Since Lindsey Grahmnasty is my senator it’s illegal Immigration the GWOT and getting rid of Lindsey Graham.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I’ve toyed with the idea, but I’m really just too lazy.
If you had flying battle armor like Iron Man, how awesome would that be? It would be the most awesome ever! I would however have a bottle opener and a sound system installed. That way when I wasn’t doing pointlessly vicious things to bad people like terrorists or Lindsey Graham, everyone would want me to come to their parties.


If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

FYI

Dick Cheney is anally raping terrorists.
If you don’t read Kos, you don’t find out stuff like this. Do you think the DLC is going to condemn Cheney and his anal rape? No. This is why the Democrats need Kos.
UPDATE:
The story has disappeared! Cheney must have found the Kwazy Kos Kids who put it up and anally raped them!

lolterizt! Part 9

Once again, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.


swear i parked.jpg
aim and shoot.jpg
oops car.jpg
psst mohammed.jpg
stay back or.jpg
stay puft.jpg


Reader submissions:
From Josh:
koran toilet.jpg
From Starfox5253:
hiding.jpg
From Lethbridge and Stewart:
i can kill you.jpg
From Sir Andrew of GOPedia:
new potter.jpg
From AlanABQ:
clean air mosque.jpg
Two from Erik Wit:
shirtshoes.JPG
scope.JPG


PRODUCTION NOTE: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Great Question for the Next Democratic Presidential Primary Debate

“What’s more patriotic: serving in the military or protesting the war?”

I’m Against Both Globes and Warming

Apparently global warming is making Gaia angry so now she’s hitting us with volcanoes and earthquakes. What a stupid bitch.
With all the stuff people blame on global warming these days, have they have ever considered the fact that so many people aren’t convinced global warming is a serious problem may be the fault of global warming? Don’t blames us for thinking all your science on this subject is BS; blame global warming.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgJohn Edwards uses an entire roll of toilet paper at once, since those perforations were obviously designed for Superman to tear.
Bonus facts from Anonomouse Reader:
John Edwards was breastfed… till he was 7.
John Edwards has to “go commando” when he wears white slacks, because his mom taught him that panty lines are undignified.

Question

If Thomas Jefferson thought American liberty was such a great idea, why didn’t he serve in the military?

America Is the Best at Everything; We Should Be the Best at Threats

China is threatening to collapse our dollar and ruin our economy?! You don’t threaten us!
We should counter by threatening to ruin their economy by… collapsing their… um… buildings… with bombs!
This is the problem. Other countries think they can threaten us. That’s why we need a president who will restore fear of America so we’ll be “the country that must not be named” to foreigners.
I’m just tired of countries threatening us. I would just like it if everyone once in a while we issued some over the top threats.
“We won’t rest until Asia is wiped off the map!”
“All of the Middle East will bow down before the Olsen twins!”
“We’re going to turn Europe into glass! Which means will first bury it in sand and then nuke it!”

Doing the Job Americans Won’t Do… Namely Blowing Up America

It’s the worst fear of conservatives: Terrorists are joining forces with illegal immigrants. Islamic extremists are partnering with Mexican drug smugglers to help smuggles weapons and funds into America.
But let’s focus on amnesty before securing the border.
Note to Mexican Drug Smugglers: Please check to make sure who you are working with is actually a Mexican and not an Arab terrorist posing as a Mexican. You people should be a lot better and spotting fake Mexicans than we are. Come on!

“I Don’t Want to Sound Sexist, But Women Are Useless”

Hillary has gained a huge lead on Obama despite Obama’s assertions that he is not naive in the area of foreign affairs (Obama says he talked to the emperor of Czechoslovakia and he liked his plans). It’s time to play dirty, and that means Obama needs to start putting doubt in people’s minds about whether America is ready for a woman president. Thus, I’ve come up with some questions Obama can ask aloud about Hillary that will subtly make people doubt her without seeming overtly sexist:
* If an international emergency breaks out, can we wait an hour for Hillary to get ready before we respond?
* Will she break an embargo against an enemy nation just because their leader said she’s looking thinner?
* How will it affect relations with other countries when Hillary won’t explicitly tell other countries our positions and instead expect their leaders to know what she is thinking?
* Are the White House closets big enough for all her shoes?
* With those irrational moods swings, is she going to be talking about great relations with a country in the morning and then trying to nuke them by the afternoon?
If for some reason Edwards surges ahead in the polls, these questions will also work on him.

Monkeys on a Plane

A man smuggled a monkey onto a flight into the U.S. He hid it under his hat (presumably a big yellow one). How are we supposed to feel safe on a flight if anyone can get a monkey on board? Isn’t security supposed to stop liquids from being brought on? Do you know how much liquid you can put in a monkey?
At security, you have everyone take off their hats and put them through the x-ray to check for monkeys; that’s airline security 101. Otherwise, one day a group of terrorists are going to board a plane together, wait until their flight is in the air, and then they’ll pull off their turbans and… MID FLIGHT MONKEY ATTACK!
They better start checking for monkeys or letting me bring my gun on board.

Vote 4 Hillary Because, ahhh, ummm, hang on a sec, Urrr. ???

Finish this sentence for me.
The most important thing Hillary Clinton has ever done is…
I just can’t come up with anything more important than her convincing portrayal as a melting stereotypical Wiccan at the climax of the Wizard of Oz.
If you can think of something more important let’s hear it.

Arnold Thinks He Can Take Violence Away Because He’s Bigger Than Us

It’s Arnold in a video game. Who wants to bet that violence is about to occur?

I saw this news item about how Arnold Schwarzenegger is trying to ban the sale of violent video games to children. I guess he wants a nation of sissies so he can feel that much bigger than everyone else.
This seems so hypocritical considering that Arnold’s whole movie career was built on violence; he was one of the nation’s leading violence innovators. So much of whats in video games today is at least inspired in part by what Arnold did on the big screen. Well, Arnold, you can’t just enthrall us with your violence and then not let us partake in violence ourselves. You don’t get a violence monopoly.
Also, one shouldn’t underestimate the knowledge kids get from violence in video games. If something is in your way: shoot it. If that doesn’t work, shoot it with something larger; that’s basic problem solving all kids need to learn. Are you fighting lots of enemies and only have a pistol? Then lead them towards a barrel and shoot the barrel to kill them with an explosion (never in the history of video games has a barrel been filled with something that wasn’t explosive). Have you ever tried decapitating someone in Mortal Kombat? The controller and button sequence isn’t simple; you need good memorization skills for that.
How exactly do people think exposure to violence hurts kids anyway? Is it supposed to make them more violent? If so, who cares? They’re small.

Minimum Wage

Why don’t we raise the minimum wage to say, 60 million dollars an hour? If raising it really helps so many people, then why not help everybody? Who do you know that makes more than 60 million an hour?
Then we could all be millionaires. Assuming we have a job and could keep it for more than a minute.
That would totally end poverty for everyone with a job. And it would be a great incentive for people who don’t work to get hired. The dollar menu at McDonald’s would probably change to the 20 grand menu. Chump change for all of us millionaires, don’t ya think? It’s win-win.
I think I’d retire after about 10 minutes though, I’m not greedy. OK, maybe 20 minutes.
Half hour, tops.