MILAN (AP) – In an inspirational case of walking the walk (in this case, literally), former President Barack Obama arrived on foot to make a speech on climate change at the “Seed & Chips: The Global Food Innovation Summit” in the city of Milan, Italy.
Surrounded by an entourage of Secret Service agents riding solar-powered Vespas, the former leader of the free world’s environmentally-conscious means of transportation raised eyebrows and caused blushes of shame to appear on the cheeks of attendees whose modes of transportation were less respectful of the planet.
“I feel so hypocritical,” sighed famous carbon-criticizing celebrity Leonardo DiCaprio. “I mean, I came into Milan on a private jet and had a 14-car convoy follow me to the convention center. Obviously I’m no Obama.”
While Milanese authorities offered Obama the high level of security befitting a former US President, in a stunning move of dedication to principle – even at the risk of imperiling his own life – Obama turned them down.
“As a matter of course, I told Mr. Obama that we were planning to put out 300 extra officers, plus have a helicopter hovering above his location at all times,” said Milan police chief Benito Gamboni, “but he would not have it. He said, ‘I’m not worth it. Post those men in the woods and by the waters. Protect Mother Earth. She’s more important.’ I’ve never seen a man so dedicated to a cause.”
Although we were able to catch up to Mr. Obama for comment (he’s more of an ambler than a strider) he refused to answer any questions because the microphone we held out for him to speak into ran on electricity.