If you don’t have a gun, you are now entitled to one free one from your local government gun stockpile.
Writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts outlined the surprising thought process behind this startling sledgehammer of jurisprudence.
“The Second Amendment,” said Roberts, “says that ‘a well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.’ Well, I think it’s pretty clearly implied here that, if Obamacare can force you to buy insurance, then militia membership – which is, Constitutionally, ‘necessary’ – can force you to buy a gun. It’s like getting vaccine inoculations: if everyone is immunized, then everyone is safe. But the more people don’t get shots, the more likely an outbreak of deadly disease. In the case of guns, that disease is criminals. If everyone has a gun, criminals get eradicated like smallpox. Also, if everyone is exercising their right, then by definition, no one’s right is being infringed. This is the only way to truly guarantee this particular constitutional protection for every citizen.”
Liberal Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg dissented, pointing out that Roberts’ faulty reasoning in the Obamacare case – even though she agreed with it at the time for political reasons – could not be used to do things to REDUCE the power and control of the federal government, before mumbling something about “my pancreas” and falling asleep.
President Trump showed his support for the ruling by issuing an executive order to make ammunition for all these newly-owned guns more affordable.
“By executive order,” said Trump “I’m making everybody’s first 5,000 rounds of ammo fully tax-deductible in every tax year. That’s over 10 rounds a day, every day, for a year, to practice with. Chamber that many rounds, and you should be a dead-eye shot capable of protecting yourself and your loved ones from criminals, rogue deer, and… well, me and my government minions, too, if I ever go off the rails. Or if America elects a Democrat in 2020. Liberty has never been easier. Or more affordable!”
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IMAO asks you to support our sponsors, because the second 5000 rounds aren’t tax-deductible.
We can call them “Cell phones” liberals love giving our free cell phones.
The NRA is now attempting to justify the sale of AR-15s by developing genetically modified deer that can only be hunted with assault rifles.
If the military moves up to a better rifle does that mean the AR-15 would be less “Military” styled?
There are already many more firearm’s superior to the AR-15 that are military only weapons the average user can’t own. When was the last war fought with AR-15’s again?
Evidently the current one to save the 2nd amendment.
I thought the ar-15’s main role was protection against wanton criminals, or an communist government, you mean you can hunt with them also?
Commie huntin’
In many areas a .223 caliber rifle is not large enough to legally hunt deer with
I would love to be in the parallel universe where this story is true.
I love this sort of parody, but lefties who happen upon it are at risk of being triggered, discharging wildly into their pants. Take cover.
It sort of sounds as if you think that sort of thing (liberal discharge into their pants) is a BAD thing…..
Well it would make future liberals inconceivable.
What does the 2ND say?? EVERY (law-abiding) male at the age 16-45 is the militia? That would make this parody very TRUE??
I read this right after waking up and initially missed the satire warning on Whatfinger…and I almost shat myself!
GOOD ONE DUDES !!!
For the idiots who think an AR15 was ever used in war, here’s a lesson.
1. M16 was used by the military used during Vietnam and beyond.
2. AR15 has always been a civilian look a like without the selector switch to automatic.
3. The M14 & M1 preceded the M16 for use by ground troops .
4. The AR15 is not a “weapon of war”
5. Shooting Sports is fun, like bowling, golf, tennis, and a variety of other sports.
6. So if you know nothing about guns and the military you’re in no position to talk about it.
By the way guns are firearms not weapons until used as such. Just like a tree limb is not a weapon until it is used as such.
Guns are not “assault” weapons assault is an action. Do you say I was hit by an assault stick, of course not.
#4(a): No matter what the Supreme Court says, “weapons of war” are exactly wht the Second Amendment addresses.
Why else is there a reference to a militia?
What is a three-letter word for what militias wage against enemies?
So you shoot the implements of these sports or the participants?
Asking for a friend.
Yes. It is called a bowling-pin shoot.
For a challenge, check out motocross.