WASHINGTON (AP) – In a concilliatory statement, President Bush recognized Iran’s right to pursue the development of atomic weapons, and promised that the US would be supportive of their efforts.
“Every nation,” said the President, “whether a freedom-loving democracy or a dictatorial, Allah-worshipping hellhole, has the right to develop atomic weapons. It is my intent to see that Iran’s President Ahmadinejad gets those weapons.”
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“Specifically,” Bush clarified, “in the form of a dozen 10-megaton mushroom clouds, which those psychotic Muslim bastards may attempt to reverse-engineer to their hearts’ content. Assuming their hearts haven’t been vaporized by the intial blast or melted into organic goo by the radioactive fallout.”
Addressing criticisms that the US would be acting unilaterally, Mr. Bush explained that the support of Iran’s nuclear program would be an international effort. “Israel, for example, has been itching to do some above-ground testing of their fissionables. I’ve invited them to join in the fun with us. I just hope Ahmedinejad doesn’t mind getting a few Jewclear weapons dropped on his front porch.”
In a Tehran news conference, Iran’s President scoffed at the threat of military action against his regime, saying that “even if they were to decide to do so, they would be unable to carry it out.”
Bush responded calmly to the defiance. “I suppose Amedinejad – or ‘Amy’ as I like to call him – is right. Americans certainly don’t seem to have the cojones for a decent war these days. That’s why I intend to start with diplomatic pressure. Specifically, economic sanctions. More specifically, a declaration of economic sanctions duct-taped to a 10-megaton warhead.”
A still-defiant ‘Amy’ then mocked America’s lack of determination in Iraq. “The political power of the occupiers is collapsing rapidly,” he said. “Soon, we will see a huge power vacuum in the region. Of course, we are prepared to fill the gap.”
A completely unimpressed Bush replied, “Not if we fill the gap with high-energy neutrons first.”
Uhhh…Harvey, I think you mean Jewcular weapons don’t you? :o)
Iran’s economy has tanked. They have one vulnerable gasoline refinery. They’re spending huge sums of money on their military and nuclear program with Russia and China. They’re sending large numbers of insurgents and weapons into Iraq. Etc. One could argue that we’re now harvesting the policies of our own President, Jimmy Carter.
And, because a majority of their people do not support the current government, we’re betting on regime change. It better happen soon. And we had better win that bet.
I am glad that this site is continuing to report in-depth on serious issues. The diplomatic subtlety of Mr. Bush in offering the Iranians help with nuclear weapons is the stuff on which legendary negotiators of the future will be trained.
For just consider briefly what will happen when the first Iranian scientist returns from morning prayer and mob practice to find a crate marked “Nuclear Bomb – Do Not Open” sitting on the loading dock. They’ll immediately try to open their crate, and BOOOM! no more scientist, or loading dock. Just a warm sheet of glass.
But no one will know why the bomb went off. So the next scientist will find another crate marked “Nuclear Bomb – Do Not Open (it’s a trap)” and will think to himself “Allah Akbar! I will open this now!” and poof, another glowing sheet of radioactive glass.
So while the Iranians may refuse this aid, the President is deeply insulting them by forcing them to admit that not only do they not know how to build a nuclear bomb, they don’t know how to take one apart without losing their fingers in the process.
The best part of this plan
Bush/Cheney ’08: Because an Iranian “Sea of Glass” Would Look Pretty from the ISS
//Addressing criticisms that the US would be acting unilaterally, Mr. Bush explained that the support of Iran’s nuclear program would be an international effort. //
I still don’t understand how we need ANYBODY’S approval to nuke these extremist musli-tards. I say let ’em critcize, we can nuke their countries too.
Considering how China is relying on Iranian oil and selling them weapons, and how Russia is ramping up airplane and missile production just for them, imagine how upset the international apple cart would be if we attacked Iran and brought down their military and nuclear infrastructure. This is shades of Saddam all over again with his French, German and Russian contractors being owed $180B and the spoiler – the U.S. – calling a halt to the whole game.
When will this game end? I don’t think we’re up to it this time. But I’ll say it anyway: glass the bastards. But then, I love the idea of “Standoff Land Attack Missles” (SLAM). Just put an “I” in front and you have “I SLAM ISLAM.”
They’re also entitled to participate in Marine war games. Live fire, for teh win!~!
If only it were true, sigh.
I almost lost my drink!
This is too realistic, at least in My World.
Two things:
1. WHOO! High-energy neutrons!
2. I second what shimauma said. Screw the UN, we need to deal with those bastards, seeing as everyone else is too cowardly to do so.
This is hilarious! Reverse engineering a mushroom cloud! Priceless!
I’ve been saying for a while that if Iran really wants nukes that bad, I’m sure we could overnight air-mail a few to them 😛
And to think I used to like the cumulus ones. These are SO much better.
This is a very scarey subject, Harvey.
mmmmm, High energy neutrons. /Homer
Sounds like typical redneck banter you’d expect from typical knee jerk reactionary rhetoric spewing no nothings, who couldnt form an opinion if it hit them on the head, beyond the typical mainstream brainwashed regurtitated hollow deadshit talk youd expect from american mainstream attack dog media.
I’m not even American and Chomsky is more of a patriot than any business small minded fascist which you’ve all been duped into believing.
TERRORISM is the biggest lie ever.. your govt murdered your own people in 9/11 but only americans dont believe it. Your duped by mass propaganda media and outsiders know more than you do in a fascist tyranical dictatorship that has no respect for its own citizens let alone anyone else in the globe.
How about you write something factual..slackjawed rednecked sepo’s.. umm insurgents in iraq.. FACTS Released by american military officials actually said 70% of all insurgents come from saudia arabia, then lebannon then syria.. and barely 10% came from Iran.
another lie.
you people are wonder why everyone hates you yet you think you can control threaten , manipulate the globe. the only terrorism is globalism and fascist corporate elites who control such insidious death / brainwashing systems.
Apparently Miss Teen USA contestant Lauren Upton stopped by.