I was bored, so I went to Daily Kos to see what wisdom its recommended diaries could give me today. I found a fun one, though I’m not sure what its about as I only read the one part in bold:
Whatever truth remains, comes from places like Daily Kos–and Paul Krugman.
The war in Iraq is a lie. For-profit healthcare is a lie. Housing prices are a lie. American exceptionism[sic] is a lie.
This got me thinking: Where else is truth? What else are lies?
Time for a rewrite!
Whatever truth remains, comes from places like Hot or Not–and that lawn gnome in the Travelocity commercials.
Dancing with the Stars is a lie. McDonald’s Value Menu is a lie. Tough acting Tinactin is a lie. American fantabulism is a lie. Potash is a lye. Secale cereale is a rye. Rhubarb is a pie. Onions make me cry.
Why ask why? Try Bud dry!
What else are lies? Put your own rewrite in the comments. Best one wins…
…wait for it…
High Praise!
The second amendment is a lie, otherwise I’d be able to buy my handguns on ebay for 50 dollars instead at a gun store for 1400.
Whatever truth remains, comes from places like TV Land and Pat Sajak.
Downy freshness is a lie. Correct tire pressure saves fuel is a lie. One size fits all is a lie. Great taste, less filling is a DAMN lie. Punching liberals makes me sigh. Crispy chicken I like to fry. My ex-wife’s house is a sty. IMAO shirts all must buy!
Pie in the sky is a lie, because of–you know–gravity…unless the moon is made of pie, in which case, I hope I get a piece after we nuke it when it’s nice and warm and still slightly glow in the dark.
That hot chick at the bar looking at you across the room while ever so seductively rubbing her Adam’s apple is a guy. Run away.
Philip J. is a Fry.
My fellow Americans, should we buy,
Into the thoughts that all Republicans lie,
And the Demtards who feel that they should try,
To appeal to homos – makes me cry,
I, for one, wave my flag high,
Everyday, not just the 4th of July,
Soldiers in uniforms, make me sigh,
I stood on the tarmac, watched mine fly,
Off to Iraq – where do or die,
We’ll mow ’em down like Captain Bligh,
My loyalty’s firm, they can not vie,
Let your voice be heard – hold your head up high,
They’re terrorists all – and all must fry,
Like the lard atop mom’s apple pie,
Global Warming says the end is nigh,
But now we know – another lie,
We won’t overheat – we will not fry,
I pay them no heed – their words belie,
Hedonist pigs – stay in your sty,
We don’t want you, Fred’s our guy,
Despite the Dubya family tie,
To Fred, I say a hearty ‘AYE’!
While reading Catcher In The Rye,
My oh my, Let’s all eat pie…..
=0)~
All we need now is the rhyme master Al Sharpton….
(did I say that out loud?!?!)
Social Security is a lie.
My science comes from Bill Nye.
My toliet tissue is two-ply.
Make my martini extra dry.
‘case yer wonderin’….
I ain’t good with rewrites!! I ain’t even good with iambic pentameter, but I knows a good rhymie word when I sees one!!
Oh sure CCHEMuse comes out and destroyes the rest of the competition! Good one!
Hard to top that CCHEMuse, so I won’t try. But would you buy that Achem’s Razor is a lie? Like the simplest explanation leads to the greatest conflagration in the hearts and minds of men – who die?
Whatever truth remains comes from places like Fred Thompson.
An untrue statement is a lie. A deep breath is a sigh. That blue thing up there is the sky. Fake coloring is a dye. If you nuke someone, they’ll die. I have a pair of sai (though I don’t know how to use them). My mom used to make pie, but she went on a diet :(.
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
“He’s pretty fly for a white guy.”
Manbearpig is real–you cannot deny!
Paris Hilton is a lie.
Lindsey Lohan is a lie.
…or should that be “a lay?”
I always get those two mixed up.
Whatever truth remains, comes from places like Chuck E. Cheese and that lady in the Pine-Sol commercials. Oh and that guy who sings chocolate rain.
Varicose veins on my thigh. My mom’s glass eye.
The mediterranean fruit fly. Flouride in my water supply.
Do I smell stir-fry?
Haikus are a lie
But within them lies the truth
How can the truth lie?
By the way, what is the conversion rate between IMAO points and high praise?
Whatever truth remains, comes from places like my Firefly and Serenity DVD’s–and the occasional Frank Miller comic book with Batman fighting Al Qaeda.
Hillary’s femininity is a lie, while Edwards’ is sky-high. The only things that make me cry are old films where The Duke did die. Pork should be confined to sties, until it dies, then pizza pies.
Kos may say Fred Thompson lies, till Frank’s boot-tip hits twixt Kos’ thighs.
Oxyclene’s a dirty lie
despite the claims of “yelling guy”
Billy Mays should choke and die.
Perhaps that’s harsh, but why oh why
the constant screaming; anguished cries
to sell some soap, I will not buy!
..don’y know if that’s even relevent, but I feel better.
Oxyclene’s a dirty lie
despite the claims of “yelling guy”
Billy Mays should choke and die.
Perhaps that’s harsh, but why oh why
the constant screaming; anguished cries
to sell some soap, I will not buy!
..don’t know if that’s even relevent, but I feel better.
Chinaski beat me to the whack at that grease ball Billy Mays!
Reclosable packaging is a damnable lie!!!!!
You can’t open it without damaging the reclosing mechanism, thus rendering it completely unreclosable!
I blame Dick Cheney! Or global warming, whichever is closer.
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” is a lie. I totally have no problem believing that it is not, in fact, butter.
“Everybody Love Raymond” is a total lie. I certainly don’t and neither does Chuck Norris from what I hear.
Whatever truth remains comes from within (me).
Subway tokens are a lie,
Deodorant and leather.
White students with natty dreads
Learn from Avi Lewis.
The Toronto Star sells communist lies,
damning all Americans and their apple pie,
their 4th of July.
(They kill abortion doctors.)
A measurable gap between Hillary’s thighs A kiss from Bill that didn’t have or lead to a “cold sore” John Edwards teeny pecker not increasing in size At the sight of a naked and sweaty Michael Moore Ron Paul not being all knowing and wise These are all just terrible lies
Whatever truth remains, comes from places like IMAO–and that gun-toting chick who likes Musing and Mountaineering..
John Edwards’ marriage is a lie. Hillary’s claim to woman hood is a lie. Tag Bodyspray and Axe are lies. Liberal Intellectualism (or claims to any higher brain function) is a lie. Grits are made with lye. A Jewish Religious teacher is a Rabbi. I opem crates with a pry. Phillip J.’s brother Yancy is also a Fry.
If it’s soft, white French cheese, do we call it Brie, or Bry?
Federal MPG rating is a lie.
One coat paint is a lie.
Safe Sex is a lie.
Man-Made Global Warming is a lie.
Anything a Michael Moore says is a lie.
Anything Bill Clinton says is a lie, unless he says Michael Moore is a fat liar.
Free anything from the government is a lie.
Ethanol is a lie.
Net Neutrality is a lie.
Homosexuality is a lie.
Multiculturalism is a lie.
Religion of Peace? Very big lie.
Whoa…Socrates. You sir, are worth reading!!
So’s your mom’s face (a lie).
Actually, I heard your mom is a good lie.
Thanks, Jimmy. You get that check ok? Damn Post Office. Do me a favor, and hold it till Tuesday, ok?
Oh, yes: Priority Mail is a lie.
Whatever truth remains, comes from Mad Magazine.
A 15% increase in horsepower is a lie. Whiter teeth in two weeks is a lie. Chicks crawling all over you because you drink Bud Light is a lie. 3.14 is pi. Indigo blue is dye. The end is nigh.
When your mouth is dry, you plenty high. Hey, bartender, come down heah!
Reality is a lie
Consciousness is a lie
Sentientness is a lie
The lie is the biggest lie of all
Lie is a reality
(circular thought is a lie, it makes my head hurt and so does making up new words- I love the English language, it’s so fluid)
Whatever truth remains, comes from places like The Weekly World News–and Jack Klugman.
Communism is a lie, socialized medicine is a lie, ‘the most ethical congress, ever’ is a lie, ‘I’ll call you’ is a lie, this statement is a lie, my tea is chai, Ru Paul is a Guy, Marines say ‘Semper Fi’, Musashi is a Samurai, do, or do not, there is no try.
Stupid deconstructionist. The reason your head hurts is that neither reality, nor consciousness, nor sentience are lies. Lies are lies, but the lie is not a lie. There is nothing circular; it is a mere ambiguity between particular lies that are told, which are false and therefore lies in the usual sense, and the general idea of there being things that are false, which is a not particularly deep truth.
Obviously, “the lie” with which we are concerned here are things which are members of a particular class: commonly held conceptions which fail to live up to their promised goodness.
Reality is actually happening. You do not make your own. You are a sentient being, largely self-aware, and capable of immense insight and incredible achievement.
Now go forth and be funny.
Internet providers that say they have high speed dial up is a LIE!!!!!
So coming in late, I got no chance at this. I’ll just have to wait for my high praise from Fred Thompson for having the very first scheduled “I’m with Fred” gathering in my state.
AND THAT’S NO LIE!!!
Peace is a lie… Unless it comes from superior firepower raining down from the sky.
Lies! Lies! Everywhere there’s lies!
Blocking up the scenery with pages of the Times.
Do this! Don’t do that!
Can’t you read the lies?
Whatever truth remains, comes from the back of your cereal box, the kind where you have to look for the little bears, and can win a free broomstick with four proofs of purchase.
Extra-cheesy nachos are a lie. “New and improved” is a lie. Stay-fresh is a lie. “John Edwards soft” is a lie.