Last Monday, two punk kids threw a plastic soda bottle containing pool cleaner and tinfoil at “Flying Imam” Didmar Faja outside a mosque in Phoenix, Arizona.
And they missed him by 25 feet.
TWENTY FIVE FEET!
What the hell’s the matter with kids these days? Why, back in my day, when folks threw bottles of caustic chemicals at troublesome minorities, the brown fella usually ended up with a concussion from getting hit right in the noggin, in addition to chemical burns.
Of course, back then, soda bottles were made out of glass, not that faggoty plastic crap you see nowadays. Yes sir, they cared about QUALITY back then! You could drop a freakin’ ELEPHANT with a Coke bottle when I was a kid.
And the chemicals! We had gallons of lye & sulfuric acid just laying around under the sink. And they didn’t have those stupid “child-proof caps” – which are just a conspiracy by the Democrats to allow retarded kids to live long enough to vote, anyway.
Yup. Folks knew how to keep those uppity minorities in line back in the good old days. Why, if a colored guy were to file a law suit over a bunch o’ nuthin’ like these “Flying Imams” jerks did, they’d burn a cross on his lawn. Shut him right up.
Course, you can’t burn a CROSS on a Muslim’s lawn. Partly ‘cuz Muslims don’t have lawns. Just big piles of sand in their front yards, so they don’t get so homesick for the “old country”. Keep their furnaces roarin’ straight through the summer, too. Anyway, a cross wouldn’t work, because it don’t mean anything to them goofy camel-riding carpet-lickers. You’d have to use something that they cared about. Like a moon, or a star, or a horseshoe, or whatever Lucky Charms marshmallow they worship.
But it wasn’t just chemicals & burnin’ stuff that kept the brownies in line back then. We’d chase ’em around with dogs, too. That probably wouldn’t work with a Muslim, though, ‘cuz they eat dogs. Or maybe that’s Koreans. Poofy-haired bastards. I’ve got half a mind to throw a bottle at one right now. Anyway, I know you could scare a Muslim really good by chasing him with a pig. Or a shrimp cocktail. At least, I’m pretty sure there’s some bunch of Middle Easters that’re frightened by shellfish. All I know is that the more minorities are runnin’ scared, the better off America is.
Or WAS. You dirty punk kids with your piercings & your iPods… ya can’t even fling a decent projectile with your tatted-up spaghetti-arms. Nah. Not you, ya lazy bastards. Maybe you should put down your NinSony WiiStations, get out in the back yard, and play a little Pepper until you can at least hit the broad side of a barn!
I tell ya, the whole generation’s a disappointment. Pretty soon the colored’s are gonna be runnin’ the place.
Now get offa my lawn and go practice throwing eggs down at the 7-11 until you can knock the turban off the clerk’s head.
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Why Can’t More Black People Be White Like Michael Jackson?” and “America’s Youth Will Never Amount To Diddly Squat”.
Harvey, you are totally my hero.
At least the monkeys get practice flinging poo – we’re going to fall behind in the arms race.
(I know that was a bad pun – I couldn’t resist)
Note to self: Put coffee down and swallow BEFORE reading posts by Harvey! Dang it, Harvey! That’s twice you’ve made me have to clean my keyboard and terminal. God bless you, man.
That settles it, at next years little league pratices we are using three litre bottles and rocks. We may not win any games, but when the SHTF my kids will be better than the Palestinians and illegal aliens combined at random object chunking. Thanks for opening my eyes to this travesty Harvey.
Fred Thompson / Harvey ’08…..
That’s my ticket man, and I’m sticking to it!
Can you hook me up with that ‘Diddly Squat’ book??
“which are just a conspiracy by the Democrats to allow retarded kids to live long enough to vote, anyway.”
My co-workers have to be seriously wondering about my sanity after my uncontrollable outburst of laughter from that line. Wait, I think that was already in question.
Good one as always Harvey!
which came first: getting rid of wonderful projectile-throwing games like Dodgeball and Medic to protect the delicate little weenies we call children in this day and age, or the weenie-fication of the kids?
Those kids lack initiative. I mean, when you want to keep the rag-headed, moon-worshiping, camel-buggering bastards down, you chuck bacon wrapped paving stones. What the hell are the schools teaching kids these days?
Oh boy! It’s not even 9:30 and you’ve already made my day Harvey. Brilliant (in a sort of naughty kind of way)!
Harvey, you are a bad, bad man. Heh.
IMAO needs to start a “Not Safe For Work” tag on some of the post. Support has already told me they will not replace another monitor or keyboard that I have “splashed Pepsi on” So now I have to clean this one myself.
What’s medic? We only had Dodgeball and Smear the Persons of Alternative Lifestyle Choices when I was growing up.
IF they just knew enough to use liquid chlorine combined with brake fluid and a glass bottle there’d be one less Imam to worry about.
TAKE notes, kids- and better luck next time.
You’d have to use something that they cared about. Like a moon, or a star, or a horseshoe, or whatever Lucky Charms marshmallow they worship.
LOL. I never knew that Allah was “magically delicious!”
I LMed my A Off. Too many goodies to quote.
“Smear the Persons of Alternative Lifestyle Choices”
That game was great!
That was so dang great I fully expect it to show up on ESPN Instant Classics somehow. Thats the kind of funny that has to be spread wide and far. Gotta go, gonna see how the e-mail this thingy is working.
Oh, how I wish my morals were so lacking I could just steal this whole piece and post it as my own.
Excellent stuff, Harvey.
I know how you feel, Harvey. It’s the same way I feel when I see that someone’s spray-painted a swastika – backwards.
Thank you, Harvey, for that thoughtful, informative, and compassionate essay. Clearly, your contemporaneous juxtaposition of intergenerational perspective and cross-minority relativism will seminalize future sociomotivational investigation. More such exemplified serious work would advance the site in its deserved stature as the leading journal of modern interactive research and reporting.
Um… What he said.
Yeah, Harvey, thanks. Brings back memories when molotov cocktails were thrown at businesses during the 1960’s where I lived. These days, it’s mostly the older generation that have AK-47’s, shotguns, and the like. The younger kids are too busy keeping their pants down around their knees.
Don’t forget SOCCER. Baseball and Football taught generations to throw an obect and hit the target. In “thoccer” you run around like a ninny for an hour ( or however long a tied game with no score takes ), then eat orage slices and drink juice from a box in your mom’s mini-van.
There are versions of soccer that are quite a bit more violent than dodgeball-with-coconuts (bad idea!) … at camp, we used to play Mud Soccer, which involved 2 teams, 7 balls, and the tackling rules of ECW wrestling – all during a heavy thunderstorm. After 50 girls showed up to the infirmary within 2 hours, we weren’t allowed to play anymore. Wusses.
“There are versions of soccer that are quite a bit more violent than dodgeball-with-coconuts (bad idea!) … at camp, we used to play Mud Soccer, which involved 2 teams, 7 balls, and the tackling rules of ECW wrestling – all during a heavy thunderstorm. After 50 girls showed up to the infirmary within 2 hours, we weren’t allowed to play anymore. Wusses.”
I think that even trumps foxy boxing.
I think I want to go on a date with Estella. Gotta ask the wife first…
It’s gals like Estella that “really” scare the hell out of Muslim men…
Forget the soda bottles.
Pfft you f***ers think we’re not good enough throwing projectiles? i’ve thrown bottles full of toiliet bowel cleaner and alumium foil and carved some black f***ers dog to ribbons and slicin his kneecap open, teach his wussy ass not to let the mutt shit on my lawn. i’ve walked down the street singing “Third Reich” By Rahowa and smacking children in the neck with a bamboo pole. I’ve set portable toiliets on fire and made em skid down the middle of the street on skateboards. i even stuck a smoke bomb in some lousy ni**ers car and made him cry for an hour until the firefighers showed up and called him a nimrod. and for your information, i wear my pants where they belong, on my waist, and i rip peoples black hats that look like reinforced pantyhose off and shove em down thier mouth, dont blame all of us, cause some stupid little prics cant throw a bottle of watered down Hydrochloric acid and tinfoil at someone.
It is very important that we remember to take our medication on a daily basis…