Fred Thompson has been unable to attack Spider-Man because any time he tries, Spider-Man’s spider-sense immediately overloads Spider-Man’s brain, putting him into a week long coma.

Fidel Castro keeps a loaded gun by his bed at all times in case Fred Thompson becomes president so he can immediately blow his own brains out to avoid Fred Thompson’s wrath. He won’t be quick enough.

There are already plans for the supercarrier the U.S.S. Fred Thompson. It will carry and launch other aircraft carriers.

Today’s Fred Thompson fact is a lovely poem written by Exurbankevin:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Fred Thompson.

When God created the first man and woman, He told them, “Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die since it’s Fred Thompson’s and he does not like people messing with his stuff.”

In a debate, Fred Thompson follows up any rhetorical point he scores with an awesome guitar solo.

Some people become measurably smarter just by breathing the same air Fred Thompson does. Others become measurably deader.

If it’s ten o’clock and you don’t know where your children are, don’t worry; Fred Thompson knows.

Fred Thompson has never used a brake pedal.

While Fred Thompson has always had a merry Christmas, he’s never had a happy holiday.

From an airplane, people look like ants… except for Fred Thompson. He still looks like Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson has never needed to move. Weak towns flee him while strong towns naturally grow near.

Fred Thompson changes channels using a 12 gage.

Fred Thompson takes a bite out of criminals.

Fred Thompson opens up whupass in lot sizes no smaller than a gross at a time.