Frank Look at Republican Candidates for 2012
Newt Gingrich mentioned himself as one of the top candidates right now for the Republican’s nominee for president in 2012. So who are the other candidates? As it’s never to early to speculate on presidential elections, here’s a look at the current field for Republicans in 2012:
Newt Gingrich
Pros: Smart conservative.
Cons: Supported Scozzafava, so actually not that smart. In fact, rather dumb.
Sarah Palin
Pros: Is liked by Republican base. Will quickly kill known enemy of the republic, the moose.
Cons: So stupid and lacking in experience, she’s often compared to Obama.
Mitt Romney
Pros: Economic experience.
Cons: Not environmentally sound as he’s made from non-biodegradable plastic.
Tim Pawlenty
Pros: Successful governor.
Cons: The most interesting thing about him is… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mr. T
Pros: Strong. Tough. Does not tolerate jibber-jabber.
Cons: We’ve already gotten burned by compassionate conservatism, so we don’t need someone who pities the fool. Harry Reid and others would not approve of the darkness of his skin or his manner of speaking.
The Unnamed Republican
Pros: No one knows who he is as he always wears a Mexican wrestling mask. As mysterious as he is conservative.
Cons: I’d need some sort of guarantee he’s not actual John McCain.
The Incredible Hulk:
Pros: Taps in nicely to Tea Party anger. “Hulk smash big government!”
Cons: It’s been suggested his nickname for Democrats — “puny humans” — is a gay slur making many label him homophobic.
Batman
Pros: Tough on crime and terrorism.
Cons: Can’t give many speeches as that voice he does hurts his throat after not too long.
Thomas Jefferson’s Brain Transplanted Into a Gorilla
Pros: The smarts of Thomas Jefferson and the strength of a gorilla.
Cons: He might be dismissed as a crank since many people now associate Thomas Jefferson with Ron Paul.
Me
Pros: Everything.
Cons: Won’t be old enough to be president in 2012. Why is the Constitution always preventing me from doing anything fun?
(28 votes, average: 4.46 out of 5)
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January 14th, 2010 at 1:08 pm
How does this list come to pass without a mention of Fred Thompson?
January 14th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
“Why is the Constitution always preventing me from doing anything fun?”
Hasn’t stopped Obama…
)
January 14th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
If I was drinking milk, it most definitely would have come out when I read that Romney was not environmentally sound. I had a hard enough time standing on my feet when I read it. Great Job Frank.
January 14th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Easy answer. Antonin Scalia with Fred Thompson as veep
January 14th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
storm1911
PROS: Would nuke anything commie, liberal, or stuipid, including New Orleans ,California, Iran, and the moon. A 1911 .45 in every house. Lower taxes. Rocket-moutned dinos controlled by Dick Cheney.
CONS: My wife won’t let me and I am not as handsome as Frank.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Obama’s answer would be:
“The Constitution is a charter of negative liberties…”
So, no fun for you, Frank. You’ll just have to blog until 2016.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
My opinion of Newt Gingrich is “No”.
Fred Thompson
Pros: Fred Thompson
Con: Feeling sorta sleepy.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
John McCain:
Pros: Uh. Uh. You think of something.
Cons: “[bleep], I don’t have any [bleeping] cons.”
January 14th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Frank J. Fleming
Pros: Multiple personality disorder will help win every conceivable group to his side.
Cons: Scary evil monkey will have a place at the table.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
The Manchurian Candidate
Pros: A minority! Comes with KGB-forged birth certificate.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
IH8Socialist
Pro:Would send a liberals, commies,marxist, and all other leftwing loons by force to California. Then send in teams to punch all the hippies. Would restore the Constitution, hunt down the terrorist, and make America the envy off all the world. In fact I would force the rest of the world to be like us by sending Dick Cheney Death sqaud, Fred Thompson, Chuck Norris, Ted Nuget, and the Dinosaurs Armed with rocket launcher around the world. All WILL BOW BEFORE ME!!!HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Con: I’m to young by one year to be president in 2012.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
Aquaman is a Democrat, then?
January 14th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Ronald Reagan
Pros: Defeated communism which is pretty much the same thing as democrats.
Cons: He’s been dead awhile.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Wolverine
Pros: Ideally equipped to slash the budget or most anything else.
Cons: Canadian
January 14th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Dick Cheney
Pros: He knows where we keep the rocket launching dinosaurs, not afraid to shoot a lawyer in the face.
Cons: a shortage of ammunition could lead to cost increases and further inflation.
January 14th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
Bantha_Fodder
Pros: I already smell better than most Dems in office
Cons: dingleberries?
January 14th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Mary Katharine Ham
Pros: Smart, cute, conservative. Sharp wit. Looks good on TV.
Cons: STILL won’t answer my calls!
…
Adam Baldwin
Pros: Self-confident. Articulate. Looks like he enjoys punching stupid hippie faces.
Cons: Spends too much time in his bunk.
January 14th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Since the best I can reckon, dat dere Constitution thang, main doc and Amds 14&22, has a bit to say about Presidential eligibility in terms of age, residency and term limits….but not a whole lot about actually being still alive or even nonfictional (which may have explained Carter).
So, given that, and after a lot of careful political consideration, I have my dream ticket for ’12:
Patton/Batman
January 14th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Ted Nugent
pros: Smart, loves america, understands the constitution, plays a mean guitar.
cons: His inauguration would shift the balance of gun ownership from citizens to the government by several percentage points, weakening the 2nd amendment.
January 14th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Oderous Urungus
PROS: Loves nukes (wouldn’t mind nuking the moon or any other planet), pisses off Tipper Gore, regularly beheads Obama (every show), might capture some liberal votes for being a minority (a space beast from planet Scumdog), more articulate and sharper than 90% of the MSM and doesn’t mind putting them in their place.
CONS: Definitely not a “face man”, might actually fulfill the liberal wet dream of eliminating the human race, probably wouldn’t remove “Kthulu’s Cuddlefish”.
January 14th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Newt’s support of Scuzzy is one of those stupid things smart people do…
Me:
Pros: would have a wonderfully competent & positively experienced staff, because I know that I’m not perfect or know everything
Cons: I stole a peanut-butter crisp from Sandlin Drug Store when I was 10, smoked pot when I was 14, & looked at a site which showed a nekked woman a while back
January 14th, 2010 at 3:52 pm
I’ve got to go with Mr. T on this one.
January 14th, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Who’s to say how old you are? Not like they ask for proof or anything.
January 14th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Frank, you must be a colossal idiot. Palin is far from dumb. She is honest and a fighter which says more than you who berates her like that. In fact, you should be compared to Obama. At least you got the Newt part right. Try to think a tad more.
[RON PAUL! -Ed.]
January 14th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Uh, the same Fred Thompson who seemed hardly awake or lacking intensity during the debates given the gravity of the situation? Didn’t he decide at the last minute to run? Stay on the sidelines and let someone who WANTS to fight for the country do it.
January 14th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
My dream ticket:
Jack Bauer as President
pros: Terrorism is done with
cons: if you don’t give him an answer, you’re done with.
Me as vice president
pros: Since democrats like taxes so much, I would support taxing them and not republicans. (just think what that would do for states where they have a closed primary. All the democrats would join the republican party so they aren’t taxed)
cons: I would play to much Wii and Gold. Maybe that isn’t a con.
January 14th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Whoops, golf, not gold.
January 14th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
gingrich had to mention himself. No one else will.
pawlenty likes monkeys so he’s out.
Frank nailed Palin on the nose. but she might make a good rep party chair.
Batman? really? may as well have aquaman
January 14th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
The Red-tailed Hawk hanging around my house
Pros: Leaves souvenirs. Today, it was a dove’s foot. Thanks, buddy!
Cons: Skittish.
January 14th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Gotta go with Frank on the gorilla with Thomas Jeffersons brain. Now there is a force to be recconed with!
January 14th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
We do have a lot of non-famous boring people who would probably be ok leaders. Look at the left they have bunch of famous nitwits. Recall Dodd and Biden and Richardson were the three second tier contenders for democrat nomination. (look at them now 2 years later) Doubt dems would want Biden in charge of government.
Even Soros has a hard time making those puppets dance without hurting themselves or having issues with buckets. We are probably better of this way. GOP is like the boring old fashioned homely religious boyfriend with a job who wipes his feet and doesn’t smell of hippie or poop on the front lawn. (I know redundant) And then there is the “different” overly emotional hippie driving his mom/grandmas car.
Lady America wants to think Mr. “I dont have to go to church I listen to Fish” is who shes gonna wake up next to forever. But we all know that wont last unless she gets knocked up with that communist baby called socialized health care. Then shes locked down to that smelly know nothing. Maybe we can all go bang Ms. Canada then drive their queen and the French out. Then Mr hippie America can tell the Mexican gangs on his front lawn how much he respects their difficulties from racism and would appreciate it if they could get off his eco-balanced lawn.
Rant over.. sorry
January 14th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
That would be Newt Gingrich, Smirt Faux-Conservative, Frank.
Sarah Palin: Pros: The Gates of Hell will not prevail against her Cons: Married, with children
Mitt Romney: Pros: Smirt, with politician hair and teeth Cons: Was elected Gov. of Massachusetts, and governed without a backbone.
Tim Pawlenty: Pros: Excellent first name8) Cons: Gov. of Minnesota,which elected Al Franken to the U.S. Senate via suspected vote count fraud.
I could really support any of the rest, even Frank. Frank, perhaps you could legally change your name to Unnamed Republican, you’d win all the Polls.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
General Larry Platt, American Idol contestant.
Pros: “Pants on the ground? Pants on the ground! Acting like a fool with your pants on the ground!” (It needed to be said.)
Cons: Not Sarah Palin.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Hey, what about Fred Thompson, Frank?
January 14th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
Correction: Looking vs Acting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbUnnkrnPwU (27 seconds long – it was the shortest version)
January 15th, 2010 at 6:19 am
Mark Stanford
Pros: Governor, fiscal conservative
Cons: Hot Argentine girlfriend (is that a con?), gave a new meaning to the term “backpacking on the Applicahian Trail”
January 15th, 2010 at 7:48 am
A bowl of tapioca
Cons: Non-living, inanimate object. Nothing resembling a functioning brain. Lack of manipulative appendages. Complete inability to read a teleprompter. Rather vague positions on gay marriage, and 567,211 other issues. Kind of gross. Possibly (but not necessarily) a RINO.
Pros: Still likely to win the Presidency, after four years of Obama.
January 15th, 2010 at 8:28 am
“Constitution” Are you serious?
January 15th, 2010 at 8:28 am
Are you sure you didn’t mix up Sarah Palin with Mr. T? No big deal, I do it all the time.
January 15th, 2010 at 9:24 am
You really don’t need a birth certificate to prove anything. That’s already been done. Good luck on your campaign.