The president is going on vacation.

Liberals must be glad to hear that. Destroying a country is hard work, and he needs to recharge.

I’m glad to hear it, because that means he won’t be actively destroying the country.

It’s nice when conservatives and liberals can come together to support the president when he does something.

But I’m thinking that 17 days isn’t enough time to let the country recover. Obama needs to go somewhere else when this upcoming vacation ends.

I’m thinking he could take a tour of all the golf courses in the country and leave regular folks alone.

Or, he could start a traveling basketball tour, like the Harlem Globetrotters.

Or, he could travel the country giving speaking tours. There are still people who want to hear him talk. But, to make it entertaining, don’t let him take his TelePrompTer. I might want to watch that. Or clips of it.

The point is, there are things Obama can do other than play president, since he does that so badly.

What ideas have you for what Obama can do for the next 413 days?

The 2011 college football season is winding down, and it’s conference championship week, with seven of the six conference with championship games holding those games. That math may seem a little skewed, but that’s how this season has gone.

Two of the conferences have already held their championship games, with Northern Illinois winning the Mid-America championship game and a berth in the GoDaddy.com bowl, and Oregon winning the Pac-12 and a spot in the Rose Bowl.

If you’re not a football fan, don’t worry. We’ll find something shiny for you to play with.
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Did you miss the sale? Obama was on sale yesterday.

Why?

There are several possible reasons. One is: Barack Obama is racist.

After all, it was on Black Friday that they put a black man on sale. That’s gotta be racist, right?

There’s another reason: It’s a going-out-of-business sale.

That’s the one I’m banking on.

So, don’t worry. If you missed getting a discount on Barack Obama merchandise, you’ll get another chance. Come November, they’ll start marking down stuff to ridiculously low prices. Because, by January 20, 2013, everything must go.

It’s finally here. The last week of the 2011 college football season. Unless you count games played next week. And the week after.

So, in a sport where teams at the highest level play 12 regular season games, we’re at week 13, with more ahead of us.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those that love college football, those that would rather go shopping, and those that understand why the Big Ten has 12 teams while the Big 12 has ten teams.

If you’re not one of those, you may want to skip ahead to something else. Frank will get up soon, see another post about football, then write something about a book he’s hawking, so you have that to look forward to.
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Today is what used to be called “Black Friday,” the day after Thanksgiving, and one of the busiest shopping days of the year.

The origin of the term is in dispute. It’s commonly thought of as the day that helps retailers go “in the black” (turn a profit) because of the large volume of sales. Early references, however, indicate that the term was coined by transit drivers to refer to troublesome traffic because of the large amount of shoppers’ traffic.

Whatever the origin, it’s become a good thing, with the sales/profit aspect being most common in people’s thoughts.

But, can we still call it “Black Friday?” Isn’t that racist?

You see, sales and profit are hallmarks of capitalism. And capitalism is supported by conservatives — even by conservatives that don’t know they’re conservative. And, since capitalism is tied to conservatives, it must be racist. So, “Black Friday” is racist.

How do we fix it?

Easy. Call it “African-American Friday.”

I know. You’re saying, “That’s stupid.” And, you’d be right. But it’s no more stupid than calling blacks “African-American.” For example, what about Naomi Campbell? Or Lennox Lewis? Or Robin Szolkowy? You can’t call them “African-American.” Unless you’re that CNN anchor who I heard call a Black Briton an “African-American Briton” before stammering slightly and continuing on with the story.

Okay, okay, enough with the logic. On with the show.

Today is “African-American Friday.” Grab your Led Zeppelin IV, throw it in your car stereo, crank up “African-American Dog” and go shopping. You may have someone on your Christmas list who wants a new “African-American & Decker” power tool, so be sure to stop by the hardware store. And, don’t forget college football this weekend. It’s rivalry week, and one of the games in the SEC will be the Bulldogs from Mississippi State hosting the Ole Miss “African-American Bears.”

But, I’m sure there are many other ways to celebrate “African-American Friday.” Find an appropriate way.

The first presidential Thanksgiving proclamation was issued by the first president, George Washington, in 1789:

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – A PROCLAMATION

Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor – and Whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me “to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.”

Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be – That we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks – for His kind care and protection of the People of this country previous to their becoming a Nation – for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of His providence, which we experienced in the course and conclusion of the late war –for the great degree of tranquillity, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed – for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which He hath been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions – to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually – to render our national government a blessing to all the People, by constantly being a government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed – to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shewn kindness unto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord – To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and Us – and generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.

GO. WASHINGTON.

On this Thanksgiving Day, we hope you will take the time to consider the blessings that you have received, to give thanks for those blessings, and that you may be an instrument of blessing to others.

What’s the greatest threat facing America today?

Turkey.

Not the country, the bird. And not just the bird, but the dead bird.

The Department of Homeland Security tweeted on Monday how dangerous it can be to fry a turkey.

And, in case you thought that someone left their computer unlocked and somebody tweeted it as a joke, they also put up a blog post about it.

The Department of Homeland Security, that great arm of Big Brother, knows that Islamic terrorists aren’t so much of a threat. Sure, they want to kill us, but that’s our fault. Just ask Ron Paul.

After flirting with the idea that right wingers were a threat — not because of things they’ve done, but because there’s the possibility that some right-winger might do something… Left-wing violence was never an issue. Sure, they’ve been shooting Congresswomen and crashing planes into buildings and raping hippies, but that’s actual violence. The real threat has always been potential violence. Since the left has actual violence, and the right has potential violence, the right must be a bigger threat.

Until now.

As DHS has so kindly informed us, the real threat is dead turkeys. They’re evil. So evil, that after they’re dead and frozen, they’ll still try to burn down your house.

So, as we approach Thanksgiving, be thankful that we have a government department that wants to protect us from turkeys.

Now, if we can only find someone to protect us from the turkeys at DHS.

As the 2011 college football season winds to a close, teams are jockeying for position to wind up in the top two in the BCS. Emphasis on the B and the S.

Until the powers that be admit that a playoff system is the way to go, college football fans are stuck with the current nonsense.

Supporters of the BCS maintain that the best two teams always end up playing anyway, but that’s not true. Fully half of the teams that have played in the big game since the 1998 season would have been mighty lucky to have survived a playoff bracket, and part of being a champion is stepping up when it counts.

Twelve weeks into the season, it’s time for us to step up and let you know who’s gonna lose this week. No “gimme” games this week. Okay, maybe a couple. But we are altering the format slightly. Still picking games from my state (Georgia), Harvey’s state (Wisconsin), and Frank’s state (Iowa, Idaho, one of them states out there). Still picking matchups between Top 25 teams. And, instead of only-game-on matchups, we’ll look at the teams in the BCS hunt.

If you don’t care for college football, you got an alternative: the new Twilight movie is out and you and the rest of the girls and Nancy Boys can go watch it. The men and the really cool chicks will be watching college football.
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We’re nearing the end of the college football season, and the number of unbeatens is getting smaller each week. There are five unbeaten teams remaining, ranging from Number One LSU to Number 11 Houston. But some of the once-beatens are still in the mix, and one might get the championship game nod over an unbeaten.

Is that fair? Well, nothing’s fair, until we get a playoff. I got the playoff plan, but the folks running the show won’t listen to me.

Of course, some of you don’t want to listen to — or read — these picks. Which means that you must hate college football and are a communist. Or a Gloria Allred client.

Sit back and find out who’s gonna lose this week.
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IMAO reader WyoScotch recently brought to my attention a project going on in the Lexington, NC area. The full story hehind it is here, but here’s a summary:

The 22nd Marine Expeditionary Unit was recently deployed off the African coast for a longer-than-normal period of time. Because of the expense, there’s no money in the unit’s budget for some of the usual Christmas activities, so their families have started a project to ensure they get something at Christmastime. And, because of the logistics, they’ve got to make this happen by next Monday, the 14th.

It seems a worthwhile project to me, so I’m going to help. If you think it’s something you want to help with, you can find more details on how to help on their Facebook page.

Here’s more about it, with a “how-to” and suggestions:
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I did a couple of Blazing Saddles posts recently, using clips from the movie to try to make some funneh. It’s easier to make funneh when it’s someone else’s funneh and all you have to do it rearrange it and put your name on it.

Anyway, the second video had more naughty language in it than the first video. In fact, the first video didn’t have any naughty language in it. Unless you count farts. Well, there was one word that throws a whole bunch of people into hissy fits, but I clipped it on the version of the video I posted here. I probably should have just edited that whole old lady response out entirely.

Anyway, that second clip? Lots of naughty words. Most of the clips that went along with the points about Democrats I was making included naughty language: the choir singing, the townsfolk calling BS, and the list of bad people. Perhaps I shouldn’t have made that video. But, I did. And I posted it here.

The point of all this? Don’t take those two recent videos as the okay to vary from the PG-13 nature of this Website. Harvey reminds you of this every time he does a lolbama or a lolterizt post and asks for submissions.

If those videos have made you think it’s okay to push the envelope, then you missed my point. I just want to make sure we don’t go overboard. After all, one day, Little Princess Buttercup with get on the internets and read these posts. You don’t want to have to explain yourself, do you?

I’m already working on my excuses.

Following another stellar week of picking who’s gonna lose in college football, I stand at a perfect 100% with my picks. If only the teams I picked were as good in carrying out my picks.

Some of you don’t care for college football or these picks. I’m thinking it might be because Herman Cain didn’t sexually harass you. I’ll put in a call and see what I can do to fix that. At a minimum, I’ll see if I can get Mark Block to blow smoke in your face.
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You’d think after a while, I’d get used to liberals saying and doing stupid things. But, I really don’t get used to it. It still amazes me that people can be so stupid and still manage to walk upright.

It’s sort of like a Road Runner cartoon. Wile E. Coyote thinks he’s a “Super Genius” but comes up with some hair-brained plan that ends with him ordering rocket-powered roller skates and blowing himself up or splattering himself against a canyon wall.

You know he’s going to do it. You know his logic is flawed. But you enjoy watching him make an idiot of himself time after time.

Watching liberals is that way. Except, Wile E. Coyote was a creation of the hilariously twisted minds of Chuck Jones and Michael Maltese. Today’s liberals? Living cartoons, except there are too many of them running loose, with way too many holding elected office.

Still, there’s a little bit of that “watching the Coyote” thing that keeps me paying attention to what liberals say and do. Their logic is … Wile E. Coyote-style Super Genius.

For example:

• Liberals think that early snow and cold weather is a sign of Global Warming ™.
• Liberals believe that conservatives who support Herman Cain do so because conservatives hate blacks.
• Liberals think that Americans shouldn’t own guns, but think it’s okay to run guns to Mexican drug lords.
• Liberals believe that the TEA Party is bad because they could be violent, even though they’re not violent.
• Liberals think that the Occupy groups are good, despite their violence.
• Liberals believe that the solution to problems caused by government is more government.
• Liberals think that killing an unborn baby is fine, but executing a convicted killer is bad.
• Liberals believe in Affirmative Action, in which blacks are treated different than whites, because blacks have suffered in the past by being treated different than whites.
• Liberals think you shouldn’t impose your morality on them, while imposing their immorality on you.

Despite the obvious fallacies in their logic, liberals get up every day, try to live according to these beliefs, fail miserably, and then do it all again.

Liberals. Super geniuses.

The 9th week of the 2011 college football season is upon us, and we’re getting closer and closer to the big showdown in January between the SEC champion and this year’s victim. Heading into the week, there are 8 unbeaten teams: two in the SEC and 6 trying to earn a spot in the game against one of them.

Except for LSU and Alabama, the top two teams, the other six don’t play each other, so there could be as many as 7 undefeated teams at the end of the season. Personally, I hope that happens. Anything that helps make the case for a playoff is a good thing. If they had a playoff, Houston, Boise State, Clemson, or any of the others that are likely to get left out would truly have a chance. But the NCAA won’t listen to me.

It’s time to check out the schedule and see what big games are scheduled. We’ll look at the matchups between ranked teams, games involving teams from my state, Frank J‘s state, and Harvey‘s state. And a few of the other games where the game is the only game on the boob tube.

If you don’t like college football, you must be a Ron Paul supporter. If you do, let’s see if we can figure out who’s gonna lose this week.
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Have you seen the new ad from the Herman Cain campaign?

[Direct link]

CBS calls it “bizarre” and notes that the ad is, currently, unlisted. Which means you can’t go to the Cain YouTube channel and find it unless you know where to look.

ABC takes the opportunity to run down a list of Cain campaign staff with “interesting” backgrounds.

The Atlantic asks, “For real?”

Rather than go on, let me sum up the reaction: the ad generated a lot of criticism from people who already didn’t like Herman Cain.

I’m not a smoker, so it didn’t particularly appeal to me. But smokers don’t like being criticized, just like everybody else.

Obama smokes, but hides it. Cain’s campaign manager smokes, and posts it on YouTube.

I’m wondering how this is going to play out.