“…and that’s how I became quite certain I wanted to be a judge.”
“That’s great, you soon to be Supreme Court Justice you,” Bush said while smiling as he ushered away John Roberts. When Roberts was gone, Bush ran to his press secretary. “I have a problem! My Supreme Court nominee is dead boring!”
“There certainly doesn’t seem to be much controversy to him,” Scott McClellan replied, looking a little confused. “I hear the New York Times is even trying to dig into his adoption records to try and find something to hit him with.”
“Did they find anything scandalous?” Bush asked hopefully.
“No.”
“Dagnabbit!” Bush exclaimed, “He’s the most boring person ever! The Senate will never vote for anyone so boring!”
“Actually, it seems he’s a lock to be approved by the Sen…”
Scott was silenced by a backhand to the face. “Don’t you tell me how things are!” Bush yelled, “I’m the President and you’re the Press Secretary! I tell you how things are and you parrot it back to others! Got it?”
“Okay! Could you stop hitting me at least?”
“Maybe.” Bush answered. He then hit Scott. “Maybe not. Now help me find ways to make Roberts more interesting.”

“Do I really need these green highlights?” Roberts asked as he looked in the mirror.
“They go with the tattered leather jacket,” Bush answered.
Roberts frowned. “With all this mousse and what not you put in my hair to make it spiky, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get my part back in the appropriate place.”
“Only the old Roberts would worry about parting his hair,” Bush declared, “but Robbie doesn’t worry about things like that, ’cause he’s one bad mo’fo’. By the way, you’re now known as ‘Robbie.'”
“I don’t know if I can get used to that,” Roberts said, “and where is the helmet for the motorcycle you want me to ride?”
“Rebels don’t wear helmets,” Bush told him.
“This is going to set a bad example for my kids,” Roberts griped.
“About your kids,” Bush said, and then paused for a moment. “How do I put this delicately? Well… they suck. There’s nothing going on with them at all. If you plan on having a third kid, definitely go with a new adoption agency.”
“They’re that bad?”
“Pretty much, but I’ll see if I can do something with them.” Bush turned to Scott. “Scott, teach his kids to talk sass.”
“Define ‘sass.'”
Bush backhanded Scott. “That’s sass! Now make his kids interesting!”
Donald Rumsfeld then walked up to Bush. “I really have to talk to you about the War on Terror.”
“I don’t have time for terrorisms or Iraq or anything right now!” Bush exclaimed, “I’m trying to make my Supreme Court nominee look cool; I don’t have time for other things!” Bush wrote out a note. “Here, Rummy; you’re smart. Now you have full control of the military and don’t have to consult with me.”
“I even control the nukes?”
“Sure, whatever,” Bush said, turning back to Roberts as Rumsfeld walked away laughing evilly.
“So what am I doing with the motorcycle again?” Roberts asked.
“You’re jumping through a hoop of fire,” Bush answered, exasperated, “It doesn’t get any simpler than that.”
“That just seems so… dangerous.”
Bush groaned. “It’s like you don’t even care about the Constitution.”
“But I do.”
“Then you’re jumping through a hoop of fire, and you better get used to it!”

“AIEEEEEE!” Roberts screamed as he ran around on fire.
Bush and Laura were sitting in bed watching the nightly news roundup. Laura looked at Bush sternly, who then said, “It’s not as bad as it appears. Most of the burns are only second degree.”
“When asked for comment,” the anchorman stated, “John Roberts daughter said quote, ‘My daddy is all burnt up. What else do you need to know, idiot?'”
“That’s sounds like sass!” Laura exclaimed, “Did you teach his kids sass?”
“It was all Scott’s doing! I swear!”
The phone then rang. Bush turned off the T.V. and answered the phone while grumbling about how late it was. “Hello, this is the President of the United States… Hey, Rummy, what’s up? …It doesn’t matter if you still feel like nuking them; they gave you the 50 billion in gold… Yes, technically, the phrase, ‘You will give me 50 billion in gold bars by the end of the day or I will rain nuclear destruction on you!’ does not preclude you from raining nuclear destruction even if you get the gold, but most people assume that. If you nuke the Saudis now, they’ll never trust me anymore.” Bush hung up and then laid his head down to go to sleep. “Sometimes I think my administration is full of idiots.”