WASHINGTON (AP) – With Paris Hilton now leading Barack Obama in the polls after releasing her first campaign ad, the Obama campaign has decided to boost his celebrity status by “leaking” a series of sex tapes featuring Barack and Michelle.
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“Hilton is a badly-aging, horse-faced, empty-skirt, spoiled-rotten, rich-bitch celebrity with no discernable singing, acting, or modeling talent,” said Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton, “yet she’s now crushing Obama in the polls within 24 hours of throwing her hat – or in this case, her chihuahua – into the ring. Although this technically gives her both more political AND foreign policy experience than Obama, we suspect the true cause of these discomforting numbers is that Ms. Hilton has a sex tape, while Mr. Obama does not.”
To ensure that Obama regains his position as “biggest celebrity in the world”, staffers have been taping Barack & Michelle’s nocturnal romps, and plan to release clips anonymously to the internet throughout the fall campaign at the rate of about one a week. Videos expected to be released this month include “YES! YES! YES WE CAN!”, “Inflating the Tire, and “A Little Offshore Drilling”.
“Unlike the Hilton tape,” said Burton, “these won’t be grainy, badly-audioed, night-vision images. We’ve spent over $30 million on post-production – written off as a ‘campaign expense’, of course – to make these movies HD quality. You’ll be able to actually count the hairs growing out of the mole on Michelle’s… well, you’ll be able to count them.”
Many campaign contributors who got wind of the planned video releases were angered by their high cost. “We had to explain that we needed to hire Pixar to, uh, enhance some of Barack’s shortcomings as an actor in these films,” Burton said. “Yeah, he’s half black, but unfortunately it’s the top half, if you know what I mean.”
I…uh…er…uhhhh…did not…er…uhhhh…have sex…er…uhh…er…with…uhhhhh…er…uh…that woman.
“Videos expected to be released this month include “YES! YES! YES WE CAN!”, “Inflating the Tire, and “A Little Offshore Drilling”.”
ROTF
~P&B~
Oh, Harvey! No you di’int!
In a weird bit of synchronicity, I happen to have an exclusive pic from the tape.
Michelle just loves it when Barack whispers “Death to whitey” in her ear.
EWWW! I used to love newsish fakery. Now I’m just grossed out.
Harvey (or Frank or whoever you are), they are going to burn down your house for this much racism. They’ll be having peace rallies where they burn you in effigy for all this racism. Make sure you have a pair of .45’s loaded to the gills wherever you go after being so racist as to post all this racism. This has to be the racismist racism ever perpetuated in the history of this or any other planet.
It’s also some of the funniest racism I have ever read.
How about a new motto –
IMAO – The Racismist Place On The ‘Net!
oh! You already had the picture! It didn’t show up in the reader. Sorry. Please ignore previous.
Still, you’re a bad, bad, blogger!
Eeeww! Where’s the eye soap?
But I can’t help noticing that Michelle looks a lot like Sigourney Weaver in black face in that creepy, creepy photo.
Wow, that’s the funniest post I’ve read in quite a while. Totally gets 5 stars.
Now if Obama’s spokesman actually said all that stuff, I might just say screw America and vote for Obama in the fall.
Wow. Barak could do something that would help the country and National security. We could use the tape to soften up the detainees at Gitmo. After that they’ll be begging for a good water boarding.
Harvey/Frank,
Isn’t newsfakery supposed to have a fantastic element to it in order to let the reader know it is fake?
That was awesome. I’m going to be laughing for days about this one. “If you know what I mean.”
“But I can’t help noticing that Michelle looks a lot like Sigourney Weaver in black face in that creepy, creepy photo.”
Holy crap, PaleoMedic, she does look like a black Sigourney Weaver in that picture! Now I know why Barry Hussein looks like an alien from Alien to me.
“Oh, Barack. Wrong hole again.”
Is that a tire gauge in Your pocket, or are You just thinking about Paris Hilton again?
“Is that a tire gauge in Your pocket, or are You just thinking about Paris Hilton again?”
That was a good one!
Inflate to 35 PSI! (cold)
~P&B~
“Inflate to 35 PSI! (cold)”
If you know what I mean
Damn her teeth are white, must be that special Osama protein rinse.
I had the same idea, except it was about Barack and Paris. Now tell me that’s not more racist.
Please, tell me I’m not racist, Sweetie.
My eyes!!! My Eyes!!!!
Wonderful work, Harvey.
As for Paris, what’s worse – the fact that she did this (when McCain’s age she reaches, look that good, she will not), or the fact that she has a more sensible energy policy than Obama?
To paraphrase Code Monkeys, when Paris Hilton is the voice of reason, reason is in some deep ****ing ***t.
She even managed to say it intelligently, and this from a woman whom we’ve come to expect would consider “offshore drilling” to mean nailing the cabin boy.
…we needed to hire Pixar to, uh, enhance …
Pure evil genius. Chris Matthews will be praying for documentary evidence on his fight the smears site, http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/fightthesmearshome/.
But in a sad way, I miss the Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths.
Who in hell would want to watch this.???
PS -the election 08 jibjab video really sucked. Boring with a capital O
Barrack: Hey honey do not forget to wash the strap-on
Michelle: No! doing you with a dirty strap on makes me feel more like a man.
Barrack: I love strong black “ladies”
Just the thought of those two going at it makes me want to hurl. I mean, they might procreate or something. But then maybe they will do a video of the sure to come disposing of the “burden”.
I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.
Video opens with him walking down a street in a bad suit.
“Hello!
My name Borack.
I like you!
I like sex!
Is nice!”
Considering what Chicago south side politics (and street upkeep) is like, it wouldn’t be much of a shift from Kazakhstan.
Harvey, Harvey, Harvey. You are a very bad man. Mheh.