So whatever happened to acid rain and the ozone layer? I used to hear about that all the time as a kid and now it’s never mentioned? Did we fix that or did we just get bored of it?
People are probably wondering what will be the big evironmental fear after we get bored with global warming climate change. Here are some doomsday environmental causes that are just starting to get notice:
TOP TEN NEW LOOMING ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTERS
10. The earth is getting more oval shaped.
9. Trees have become anti-Semitic.
8. Trilobites aren’t extinct and they’re angry!
7. Earth’s ecosystem was never built to handle so many small, yiping dogs.
6. Monkeys are getting smarter and are plotting to blow up the Statue of Liberty.
5. Whales are becoming anorexic.
4. Earth’s magma is becoming polluted.
3. Canadian geese enter our country illegally and take the jobs of American geese.
2. Earth’s axis is being thrown off by the weight of all those obese children.
And the number one new looming environmental disaster is…
Squirrels are getting larger.
I think your priorities are out of whack. Clearly the small yippie dog problem is much more important than any of the other so called problems.
I think skunks becoming braver should be number 2. You see so many of them among the DemonCrap ranks in D.C.
* Laughter is bad for the environment because you exhale twice as much CO2 when you laugh.
LOL. That was just hilarious, Frank.
Can we PLEASE ignore this hippie crap and get on to some of the REAL problems facing our nation?
1. Obama fever + more tanning beds percapita
think of how much CO2 al gore puts out with all his talking. And any carbon cap should first cap the amount of CO2 emitted from debates in congress. i think they should not be elected to a term but limited to the number of words they can speak before having to run for reelection.
This is not about today’s post. I notice that your “old” posts are “everything before 9/24/08” Don’t you think you should mark January 20th to be the beginning of all things new?
Also, on the conspiracy theory side of things. I just looked at my reader (Bloglines) today and I had 200 posts from IMAO on there today that were unread. I’m thinking, “What!” Come to find out, all of a sudden 200 of your posts immediately before the election (Oct) were all of a sudden in my reader for me to read. Did someone not want me to read these when they were originally posted? hmmmm!
You laugh? Wait until the Tiger and Hammerhead sharks complete their mutations due to an excess of pure Antartic (bottled) water being added to their ecosystems. With their new giant thighs and powerful claws in addition to their teeth…small dogs will be extinct within weeks. They’ll walk the streets and rid Gaia of those pesky human polluters…and then it will be on to the Final Armageddon (NBC has TV rights):
The Land Sharks vs. the Squirrels. I personally think the nuts will take it, but it will be gruesome beyond measure.
Woops! I should have specified, 200 post up to and exactly to Nov 2nd.
Let me get my facts in order. Actually, my missing IMHO posts on my reader (until today) were from Oct 3rd “Obama is a Meth Addict to Nov 3rd “Obama Cares for you as long as you are not related to him”. Don’t you think it interesting that I received no IMHO posts (200 of them) up to the day of the election??
The shortage of auto-insurance companies that market directly to tree hugging hippies. That has got to be the number 1 problem for the environment.
Seriously though, what the heck is up with E-surance commercials. How can one auto-insurance company be more environmentally friendly, then another, and how does using them make the world a better place? Does it work like carbon credits or something?
whoops, didn’t mean to send that yet!
1. Obama fever + more tanning beds per-capita than any nation on Earth = no more white people in 10 years!
2. Underpants Gnomes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underpants_gnomes) have acquired enough of Michael Moore’s skid mark stained tighty-whities to make Hiroshima look like a firecracker!
3. Scientists have finally determines how many Polacks it takes to solve global warming – and we’re about 2 billion short!
4. 9 out of 10 dentists STILL believe the other one is just an obstinate dickweed.
5. Market analysts are now claiming we only have 10 years left of our most valuable natural resource – big chested blond chicks with low IQs.
6. The outbreak of self-inflicted gunshot wounds among Conservatives in an effort to avoid Obama’s mandatory service. I bet I’m not the only one missing my ring toe.
7. Good news: We found life on mars. Bad news: it appears to be genetically identical to Harry Reid.
8. Our nukes can’t reach Mars.
“4. Earth’s magma is becoming polluted.”
Yeah, but with what? Speculation:
– U.S. Capitol building’s sewer system has bad cracks in it.
– Ted Kennedy keeps peeing randomly when he’s drunk.
– Nancy Peelousy’s toxic tampons are filling up landfills everywhere.
– Michale Moore, Al Gore and Rosie O’Donnell are on diets and their metabolic ketosis is polluting the ground water.
The last one’s a little too technical.
Except in Boise, ID. Frank, have you seen the inordinant number of speedbump-squirrels in town? Dear gawd! Squirrels rarely get the chance to grow past, what, 6-7 lbs there? That’s not too big, right?
NOT THE SKWERLS!! PLEASE, GOD, NOT THE SKWERLS!!
Everybody panic!!!! Skwerls are nature’s terizts and they will destroy us.
Squirrels are getting larger.
That’s not a problem, that’s a solution.
The Squirrels are going to eat all the yippie dogs.
Quote
Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them
I can’t believe the imminent threat from continental shift did not make the list.
it is my firm belief that the anti-Semitic trees are feeding the crack whores to the anorexic whales causing them to be flatulent and thus exposing the dolphins to the crack whore shomones, so that when the squirrels eat the dolphins, they grow larger. There for we must kill all the juice to prevent crack whores being fed to the whales.
Liz (#6, 8, 9): no one cares. Read the 200 posts or not, respond or not, but no one cares.
Ever stop to think the problem might be with Bloglines software updates or tech glitch? ‘Course not. Much easier to blame a conservative satire blog.
You’ve missed the threat from the exponentially expanding number of Law & Order episodes being rerun on basic cable.
* Microbes registering as Democrats!
This would explain #17’s biology as the Democrat pond scum are at the bottom of the food chain.
Has nobody noticed it was Canada Geese, probably from Canada, which flew into the US Airways flight 1549 which landed in the Hudson River. If they are going to invade our country we need to shoot them down before they do real damage. The next time a flock tries to cross the border, we need to scramble the Air Force and take the little terrorists out.
Squirrels are getting larger around my place, but that’s because I’m keeping them well fed, just in case.
Polluting the Magma ! I love that one.
We should try to get some traction wiht that one to balance against Al Gore. We need more CO2 to work the polluted Magma problem.
# 1 Enviironmental concern- Where Al Gore goes to speak out for
unhindered universal socialismmanmade global warming, he seems to run into record cold and snow or ice storms..
.
.
Gaia must really be pissed at him.
Personally, I think that the geese that downed the plane were OTC geese: Other Than Canadian.
How can trees be against the Jooooos? There’s an entire park full of them called Yo Semite!
Let’s force-feed the yipping dogs to the anorexic whales, knocking two items off the list.
It’s not a park, it’s a concentration camp. Not for nothing are they called pine trees. “Welcome to Yo Semite” sounds an awful lot like “Arbeit Macht Frei”.
Pingback: Steynian 318 « Free Canuckistan!
FYI: Al Gore is the profit of dumb ( not prophet of doom )
Pingback: Steynian 318
Condoms one of the worse things for the environment – I mean all that friction and how do you prevent it? Petroleum. Sex is killing us and it’s clear that the UN needs to regulate it. Cold showers for all, with recycled none carbon-causing ice cold water.
AL GORE is out of his mind and is stark raving stupid AND LOOK OUT GREEN WEENIES WE BIRDS ARE COMMING TO GET YOU AND WERE GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE POOP RIGHT ON YOUR FAT GREEN STUPID HIPPY-FREAK HEADS LOOK OUT SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK
When I watch the nature/animal shows on TV, I have noticed a sharp uptick, very sharp, in the number of occurences where guys in a truck come to a sudden stop, jump out, grab a crocodile or alligator and move it from here to just over there. What is the government doing about these reptilian relocations, why are there now so many of them and is this a crisis that only the United Nations could solve?
I was so hoping the next crisis would be gravity shortages. It would be so much fun to go floating through the air. Of course you would have to buy gravity credits if you wanted to jump or take an elevator but the fun would be worth it.
floral carbons are benign and heaver than air so how did they reach the ozone layer by elevator?we replaced them with a caustic,flammable carcinogen wonderful.now we have the phony glow bull worming caused by co2 except they have it ass backwards warming oceans cause co2 and co2 does not cause warming.the real culprit is farts we have to stop all the farting going on or at least have a farting tax.
Don L
If it would keep the hippie, left wing, liberal conspiracy folks from procreating I’m all for cold showers. I believe everyone should have to take out a license to reproduce. After all we have licenses for driving, hunting, fishing, to carry a gun, to work in certain jobs and to practice law why not something so essential to the continuation of the species, such as it is. You’d have to demonstrate the ability to be responsible for something first, a frisbee, a goldfish, a cat and finally a dog. If you can take care of each of these in succession then you can reproduce. Oh and you must be a member of some group that believes in a higher authority other than man.
Don’t be absurd. Minstream leftist movements would never list anti-Semitism as a reason for concern.
Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » Global Warming Means Giant Snakes!
Pingback: What Will Al Gore Do After Global Warming Dies A Quiet Death? : Black Bear Blog