Top Ten CIA Lies

The Democrats led by Pelosi have been saying the CIA has lied to them. But what are those lies?

TOP TEN LIES OF THE CIA THE DEMOCRATS HAVE ALLEGED

10. Half the intelligence they give Congress is about non-existent countries like Freedonia and New Caprica.

9. Instead of for necessary intelligence, waterboarding was often used to get terrorists to admit who is their daddy.

8. Sometimes they’d say it’s a nice day out when it was actually overcast.

7. Last couple Osama bin Laden videos were actually of a muppet.

6. They told Congress they’d get to meet Alias, but it ends up Jennifer Garner was never actually employed by them.

5. When asked what CIA stands for, they said they didn’t know.

4. They completely made up Kim Jong Il.

3. Details of their cooperative work with MI6 had actually came straight from a James Bond movie.

2. Though they vowed not to interfere with Iran, ends up they were distributing literature comparing Ahmadinejad’s penis unfavorably with that of a squirrel’s.

And the number one lie of the CIA the Democrats have alleged…

They told Nancy Pelosi she was looking lovely one day.

26 Comments

  1. “They told Nancy Pelosi she was looking lovely one day.”

    Wow, that must have taken inhuman discipline and years of rigorous CIA training to be able to pull that one off with a straight face. Those guys are good.

  2. They told Nancy Pelosi she was looking lovely one day

    I guess I could never work for the CIA. I never could have said it with a straight face, I would start laughing like a madman. They get my respect just for being able to do that.

  3. 5. When asked what CIA stands for, they said they didn’t know.

    That’s not true, Frank. In actuality, they told Congress that CIA stands for “Central Intelligence Agency”, when it really stands for “Commie Interrogation Association”. They probably thought that that name would scare all the Dems.

  4. “Last couple Osama bin Laden videos were actually of a muppet.”

    Damn that Oscar, I always knew he was a traitorous jerk. This also explains why everyone in those AQ “training films” looks like Bert and Ernie with beards.

  5. I thought the best lie was the “secret plot to Kill Bin laden” in the middle of an open war in two countries.

    I know it’s always possible to hide in plain sight, but come on guys at least have the wars in a different country.

  6. The Democrats are just confused. They thought everyone was referring to the Culinary Institute of America, and those folks ALWAYS leave some of the ingredients out when sharing their tastiest recipes. The Central Intelligence Agency? They’ve never heard of that.

  7. 1) There’s no Dick Cheney Assassination Squad. 2) They know the secret location of Islamic Rage Boy 3) George H. W. Bush was respected during his years as Director of the C.I.A. 4) Leon Panetta was a brilliant choice as O-bah-muhh’s Director of the C.I.A. 5) The Saddam Hussein execution was real.

  8. “They told Nancy Pelosi she was looking lovely one day”

    Wouldn’t it be easier to be waterboarded?

    Now I happen to like overcast days – does it count as a lie if you really mean it/believe it?

  9. Here’s a plan.
    Tell each member of congress a Different CIA secret.
    Then, when the secrets show up in the New York Times (and you know they will) they’ll be able to know which members blabbed.

  10. #20. 4 of 7 says:

    Reagan actually did this prior to bombing Libya, and also prior to the Grenada invasion. The press was livid that they had been deliberately tricked. They did not seem to care that they had divulged what was supposed to be confidential, or perhaps secret, information. But how dare the government lie to the press!! Utterly shameless, and they seemed to have missed the point of it all.

    Reagan used this as the basis for strictly limiting the ROE vis-a-vis the press. I thought it was funny as hell, and I’m sure that he did, too.

  11. You can’t prove New Caprica doesn’t exist unless you can disprove that all of humanity andits Technology ISN’T the result of Human and Cylons breeding together after the twelve Colonies of Kobol were wiped out by the Cylons who subsequently had a Civil War over wether it was moraly right to wipe the Humans out among other things, save the lone Battlestars Galactica and Pegasus leading a rag tag fleet of human survivors to the legendary thirteenth colony ( who were cylons) that they belive will be a safe Haven ( which is called Earth) at some point the remaining humans get tired of looking for Earth and decide to stop at the nearest Habitable planet safe from Cylons and they called it New Caprica. Things went down hill from there the Cylons arrived after one of the Colonials Ships was nuked ( by a Cylon Infiltrator who had gone a little wacko) making there position known, suffice to say the Colonials got away but Pegasus ( THe more bad ass of the two Battlestars) was destroyed saving Galactica and the remaining ships decide to continue to search for Earth. At some point the rebel Cylons from the Civil War team up with them and start following them. They Find Earth only to be let down because the Cylons living there evolved into Human Cylons and built there own Cylons and destroyed themselves. The Fleet loses hope a mutiny happens Galactic a goes on a suicide mission and finds a new safe planet after wiping out the Evil Cylons ( by destroying a single asteroid base) THey decide to call the new planet Earth and give up their advance technology and live with the Native humans and the Human Cylons in peace culminating in the modern world.

    If Congress can’t belive the CIA when it comes to that I don’t think I’m voting for any of them, and if Obama ( who probably doesn’t believe because it means he was upstaged by a guy named Adama)doesn’t believe that he can count my vote for that reason alone.

    As For Freedonia……… I think that’s a small breakaway rebel group from Liberia so if choose to let Jimmy Carter represents them along with Hamas they’ll be off the watch lists and a legitimate nation in no time I’m sure ( especially with our Brilliant Leader and the Congress)

    I’m pretty sure I made more than a Few spelling errors but I’m to pissed at the Government for not believing in the Eternal Return Galactica Style to care.

  12. No, Freedonia is a small nation neighboring Sylvania. It’s run by Prime Minister Rufus T. Firefly, but is almost entirely funded by the private contributions of a widow by the name of Mrs. Teasedale.

    Nice obscure Duck Soup reference Frank!

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