John Kerry let it slip that we’re trying to reach a settlement with the Taliban. I thought the agreement we were going to reach with the Taliban, though, was that they’d all be dead. Everyone gets along great with dead Taliban. They never harbor terrorists, don’t oppress anybody, and are nice and quiet. Plus they have lots of uses:
* Scarecrows
* Crash-test dummy
* Paper weights
* Seat-filler for awards shows
* 2nd person for carpool lanes
* Thing to shove into oil well to try and stop a leak
* Doorstop
* Chicago voter
And when you’re done with them, they go six feet underground for convenient storage.
See, everyone loves dead Taliban! With all the uses, I don’t even know why we kept them alive in the first place. Maybe people are afraid that if we kill them all, they’ll come back as zombies. That’s a silly fear; I believe we have more to worry about with vampires in that region.
Regarding Taliban as zombies, Frank, I think the administration uses them on the road as audiences for Obama’s speeches. You can see ’em standing/sitting there with sh!t-eating grins and applauding at inappropriate times. So, maybe there is something to worry about there.
Additional uses:
* Members of Congress actually sitting in their seats when convened.
* Extras for James Cameron movies.
* Targets at the shooting range.
* Foundation fill for Ground Zero Mosque eventually creating a “Ground Zero Ground Zero Mosque.” (See, it collapses into the soft goo…)
More dead taliban uses
* Art class model
* Clothes store mannequin
* Bait for vampire traps
* Hog Chow
See, I was trying to convert them into zombies.
The world would be a better place if there were a zombie outbreak in that area. Just convince them zombies want to eat Korans instead of brains and we would have a handy jihadi disposal system.
And zombies can’t fly planes.
Remember when being at war with the United States was a gruesome, horrible thing that you didn’t want to do? Now, it’s just a way to get gifts from wussy democrat politicians.
Even after burial they are still useful. Just bury them with their butts sticking out of the ground and people can use them as a place to park bicycles!
“The only good Taliban is a dead Taliban.”……..Gen Philip Sheridan
More uses for dead taliban
Make fertilizer out of them
Make chum for cat fishing
Turn their rotten useless dead bodies into fine particles for kitty litter
Turn their decomposed bodies into fossil fuel
Make mulch out of them for plant life
@Jimmy: I prefer using John Kerry as a target at the shooting range.
The Tali Ban should be enforced with ‘extreme prejudice’.
– Skeet (Pull!)
– Bayonet Dummies
– Boat Anchors
– Tamping for Mine Explosives
– Speed Bumps (this combines two things I hate)
– Shark Bait (reducing our dependence on chum)
– Police Battering Rams
– Grizzly Bear Trainers
Thanks, Frank, but I can’t laugh at this.
– Pig Food
– Catapult Ammo
– Bumpers for Kerry’s Yacht
– Pothole patches
– Zoo food
See Marko, you have to accept that it’s the Funniest End of Civilization and then you can accept the endy so long as it has a good funny.
How oil-absorbent are they? We could sink them in the Gulf to soak up whatever is left-over.
Good uses for dead taliban:
Mud scraper
Pig sty fence post
Rocket anchor
Dust rag
john kerry burial sheet
Uses for live taliban:
Mud flap
Pig sty pig scratcher
Rocket anchor
john kerry burial sheet
Punching bag
urine bucket holder.
Uses for john kerry:
Don’t forget, Taliban make for great fly strips that hang in cow barns.
More uses for dead Taliban:
*writers for msnbc or cnn
* DMV workrs
*no-need-to-blow-up dolls for Pelosi and Frank
*stand in democrat voters
I’m seriously in tears right now. That was freaking hilarious.
Test rounds for the MexiCannon! We need to fire a few hundred thousand rounds to get her just right and then once we are ready, I propose that John Kerry be the first Official Firee…
If John Kerry thinks we can “reach a settlement” with the Taliban then I suggest we let him putter on over in his new swiftboat (the one that he moors out of state to preclude paying exorbitant luxury tax on) and sit down at the table with them. By the time he realizes that they are fanatical murdering zealots he’ll be their “crash test dummy, award show seat filler, etc …” and we will no longer be forced to suffer his anti-American, liberal rhetoric.