Apparently, there are some contaminated eggs out there, so if you eat a lot of eggs and feel bad, maybe don’t eat quite so many eggs. And whatever you do, don’t crack a bunch of raw eggs into a glass and then drink it like Rocky did. You could like die from that and then never get to tell Adrian how much you yo her. If you want some egg drink, put hardboiled eggs in a blender with a little milk. Not as impressive for a training montage, but much safer. Also, while this warning is ongoing, if you’re a stand up comedian try to be funnier so people won’t throw eggs at you. Again, this isn’t a problem if they use hardboiled eggs, though those hurt much more. Finally, if you have a problem with chickens living in your walls and coming out at night and laying eggs everywhere, it’s probably finally a good time to call that exterminator and have him spray for chickens.
Keep safe, everyone, and remember: Eggs desire nothing more than to see you die horribly.
It’s not chickens living in my walls; it’s ostriches. The exterminator whom I called says that he doesn’t know what to do about them.
Those yolks are in bad taste.
It’s us or the eggs, people.
Obviously the CIA did this to kill French people and their secret sympathizers through their “French Toast” consumption. At least that’s what Allen Grayson said when he was ranting in comments of political videos on youtube.
The Centers for Disease Control is scheduled to announce on network news tonight that they traced the source to George W. Bush. (You knew that was coming, right?)
Last year, more people were killed by automobile accidents, heart attacks, lung cancer, and natural causes combined…than by any one egg.
Ah, “the incredible eatable egg”………now an outcast of the food chain.
It’s the egg’s revenge for those Hillary Egg Separators.
Sure…. Blame it all on the eggs and not all those lazy hens walking about cackling while they eat grain all day.
Frank, I think you outta be checked for salmonella. Are you still beating your eggs, Frank?
Say it with me, now: SIX MONTH EGG-LAYING/EATING MORATORIUM! We’ll need a Commission, some Commissioners, some hearings, hen-handlers, ovum confiscators/poultry abortionists, Chicken Marshalls . . . . This could add up to soooo many “green jobs” to add to te President’s “jobs created or saved” tally!
Remember what they say: For every chicken you see, there are 12 more in the walls.
People, the EGGS are fighting back! They’re sick and tired of being beaten, whisked, whipped, blended, hard boiled, fried in bacon grease (eggs absolutely hate pigs) and worst of all, left in the refrigerator too long! And they’re permanently pissed off about the bad wrap of being high in cholesterol. Who can blame them?
Not my eggs, though. Huh uh. They love my tender care… like frying them S L O W L Y in butter… or gently scrambling them until they smile (they’re hot but still a little wet). They absolutely crave being spread over the top of home made hash browns (my potatoes are in!). My eggs love me. They would never think about giving me salmonella.
(Brought to you by the Egg Commission. Eggs: They’re What’s for Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner)
Of course the Irishman Jimmy grows filthy potatoes. Of course.
Yeah, and then when I heard about this on the news, the lady says, “the eggs are not being infected by germs on the shell, the infection is in the chicken ovaries themselves.”
Chicken Ovaries.
I SO was not wanting to think about that.
Grown in good clean dirt, Marko. Only the finest kind!
aelfheld gets a “-1” for a gross link.
Salomon ella? Eggs? Who that topping good fish with a scrambeled egg would taste so good.
This reminds me of the difference between ‘involvement’ and ‘commitment’.
Bacon and eggs for breakfast; the chicken was ‘involved’, but the pig was ‘committed’.
I always think, Jimmy, why should I waste my effort on taters when I can grow sweet corn?
Why is everyone so worried? Doesn’t Obamacare cover salmonella poisoning?
Does Humpty Dumpty have salmonella?
It’s the Jooooooooooooos!