There has been some concern expressed about the amount of comments that end up in moderation, so I thought I’d go ahead and finally explain the rules that may cause a comment to end up in moderation.
YOUR COMMENT WILL BE MODERATED IF…
* …you’re a first time commenter.
* …your comment uses a word from a blacklist of vulgarity and racial slurs.
* …your comment contains numerous links.
* …your comment is extremely lengthy.
* …an algorithm determines your comment’s tone to be hostile.
* …your comment contains too many adverbs.
* …your comment’s character count is a multiple of 23.
* …your comment uses UK English variants of words.
* …a computer algorithm determines that your comment was probably written by a Jew (the moderation software is extremely anti-Semitic).
* …your comment corrects me grammar.
* …your comment disagrees with Frank J.
* …your comment agrees with Harvey.
* …your comment expresses a neutral opinion of Basil.
* …your comment even mentions spacemonkey.
* …your comment contains the word “hippie” and “punch” is not within five words of it.
* …your ip address is from Delaware.
* …a random number generator determines to do so.
If your comment is moderated, don’t panic. It just means your comment will have to wait until someone looks at it and approves. As to who does that, I honestly have no idea. Maybe it’s hackers; point is, eventually it will get looked at. Also, your ip address will be forwarded to the FBI just in case.
Happy commenting!
You forgot:
Your name rhymes with Renn Gleynolds.
* … you mention Ron Paul and your comment has more than three exclamation points.
contains muhammed and pedophile in the same sentence.
* …your ip address is from Delaware.
Hey! Watch it….
Wait… so if I leave a comment saying “I think all hippies should be deported to Canada.”, that’s grounds for moderation? What a sad, sad place this world has become. verily readily happily sadly mistakenly probably may definitely
Can I be excused from moderation if I say that hippies should be cared for in this country, and by this country I mean the face and by cared for I mean punched repeatedly.
Comments will be moderated by all those Moderate Muslims we hear about. Should take very little time at all………
Mt mom used to say,” Every thing in moderation.” Now I know what she meant.
Submit all comments to the Office Of Circumlocution, in triplicate. Thank You for complying (sucker).
I came here to say something witty, but it looks like all the witty things have been taken. Oh well.
Basil
I came here to say something witty, but it looks like all the witty things have been taken. Oh well.
Gordo
“* …your comment even mentions spacemonkey.”
What about a spacemonkey that disagrees with Frank, agrees with Harvey, don’t care about Basil and sings the praises of Ron Paul!!!
I figure this comment will never leave the Moderation Gulag…
GuffyConservative… fixed it for ya :
“I think all hippies should be [punched in the face and] deported to Canada.”
or maybe :
“I think all hippies [may FrankJ punch them in the face] should be deported to Canada.”
hope this helps
I wonder if my secret code will make it through. Hippy hippy (frank) punch punch (needs) space laser (to be) dinosaurs rocket launchers (overthrown) random thought kenya (for the good) Democrats suck (of the Internets) Ron Paul. bet this made it past the AlGoreRhythm
Any comment will be moderated that includes the term “Fred Thompson” and does not include either “awesomenss
” or “face punch”.
I strongly considered hastily writing a comment with many links and the words “chink” and “wog” in order to test Frank’s notoriously poor grammar and moderation, but I haven’t the time Frnak has; the time he uses to randomly create imaginary people like Harvey (Whom I love) and that man from Georgia (I am vastly more apathetic towards him).
I am glad I did not write such a comment. I would feel better instead paraphrasing the great Colonel Nathan R. Jessup.
“Wait a minute, Frank, don’t get the WordPress office just yet. Maybe we should consider this a second. Maybe, and I’m just spit balling here, maybe, we have a responsibility as bloggers to train our commenters. Maybe we as bloggers have a responsibility to this country to see to it that the men and women charged with commenting in pajamas are trained professionals. Yes, I’m certain I remember reading that somewhere once. And now I’m thinking, complainers, that your suggestion of deleting moderation, while expeditious and certainly painless, might not be, in a matter of speaking, the American way. Moderations stays where it is. We’re gonna train you commenters!”
I worked hard to get that comment in moderation.
Whew, I’m glad that’s cleared up. I do have one question, though.
* …your comment uses a word from a blacklist of vulgarity and racial slurs.
Does that include the “N” word when it’s applied to Norwegians?
I have no feelings whatsoever about Basil.
Just testing.
At first I thought this was going to be a serious post, with no joke at all. I’m pleased to see that this isn’t the case.
I wonder what got my post moderated. Was it the links or the use of wog and chink?
Let’s find out!
Well, that answers that, it was the racial slurs that got my comment moderated, not the links. I did it for Science!
Are comments moderated if they are spoken in ancient Scottish Gàidhlig?
Scriú tú hippies balbh!
Guess not.
Thank you very manys Frank J
My pet Quackers and myself have spent many nights trapped in your moderation. Not as many nights as we went to bed hungry because communist leaders take all food we farm.
What does Frank mean in your language? Wing Pao Shiggz means “intimate with ducks.” I was given the name as a joke one day after Quackers and I had an argument out in front of our towns party headquarters. (its where we get our food and mail that has been checked and approved and other things by the party) Quackers and I have our things we like to do together but im not into him like that.
In Chinese news, we just got this new American show called “Different Strokes.” It is much funnys but quackers as I have said before is racist doesn’t like the little “whatchootalking about” character but i find him very the funnies. As China can get very boring and lonely and quackers just tells me the same jokes and stories over and over, we would appreciate whatever you can do for moderation problems with your webzone as I anxious to tell Americans of “Great and Glorious China” Americans don’t really buy that do duck crap do you? Here we use it as a joke for if someone is really bad at something we say they are “Great and glorious.” Only after we look over shoulder for communist leaders.
Many farewells, next time I will tell you the great story of how I got this laptop.
Your comment will be moderated… BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!
is Basil even a real person?
* …you’re a first time commenter.
damn. don’t know what to do about that one.
* …your comment uses a word from a blacklist of vulgarity and racial slurs.
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!!!
* …your comment contains numerous links.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkeys_in_space
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Space%20Monkey
* …your comment is extremely lengthy.
eh…define “lengthy”
* …an algorithm determines your comment’s tone to be hostile.
x + y = z <------hostile math!!!1! * …your comment contains too many adverbs. Slowly, quickly, magically, beautifully, gracefully, charmingly, are all adverbs. * …your comment’s character count is a multiple of 23. um....I've got a shot at this one! * …your comment uses UK English variants of words. bollocks! * …a computer algorithm determines that your comment was probably written by a Jew (the moderation software is extremely anti-Semitic). Jesus was a Jew. * …your comment corrects me grammar. I think you meant "my" grammar. You're welcome. * …your comment disagrees with Frank J. I disagree. * …your comment agrees with Harvey. I agree. * …your comment expresses a neutral opinion of Basil. No comment. * …your comment even mentions spacemonkey. I wouldn't dare. * …your comment contains the word “hippie” and “punch” is not within five words of it. Damn hippies make me want to violently punch them. Ha! * …your ip address is from Delaware. I got nothin. * …a random number generator determines to do so. Like the lotto?
wo0t! It worked!
I’m still waiting for a visit from the Boys in Blue, Men in Black, People in Purple et al. Surely I’m vitriolic enough to warrant at least a serious talking to and maybe some time-out time. After all I am a cranky old woman with a bad attitude and a smart mouth.
Of course as soon as the “death panels” come on line I’ll be one of the first to go. Oh well, I guess I’m just going to have to try harder.
Critter-
Be careful Frnak J does not like speculation as to whether or not his alternate personalities are “real” or not.
With all the above rules and regulations (that can lead to a person being moderated…or not) it’s become quite clear to me that IMAO is very much like a government operation.
Did the Obama administration take over this Blog? I’m thinkin’ they have Frank J in a highly secluded area with his feet in a bucket of water and his nads connected to something electrical! Then Janet Napalitano comes out dressed all sexy and away we go!!!!!! Moderate that FBI guy!!!
“First time commenter” :
1. You used a name you haven’t used before or one that contains the letter combination ‘USS.’
2. You used an email address that is different or is from a top level domain of .XXX where ussjimmycarter hangs out.
3. You used one of the 12 forbidden WordPress words or 7 words you can’t say on TV. “Ass and crap” are fine, BTW.
4. Your comment was followed by a strange DOS attack and Frank’s phone rang simultaneously while Buttercup was crying.
3. Besides being politically incorrect, it’s possible your comment was just boring (but not like this one!).
2. Your comment was considered troll bait for the wrong kind of trolls. See the WordPress Operator’s Manual, §11.6.9.33 for a definition of troll.
1. You berated fishing, gardening or potatoes.
So link if I use link too many links l will link be moderated??? Please provide a link….. Sorry, I’m still on the fence about Basil
Will our comments be moderated if we say we want to circumcise all hippies, even if we don’t punch them until after circumcised? This doesn’t seem like a very good team-builder…
Out of curiosity…exactly how does one berate a potato?
Sure, this is how it starts. Then, before you know it, you go to post a comment and a guy named Juan in a blue shirt with a pretend badge is “touching your junk.”
Apropos of completely nothing except I knew this would be an appreciative audience, a story:
My daughter asked me to count to infinity. When I told her no one could count that high, she was incredulous and said, “Not even CHUCK NORRIS?!?”
Her Daddy is very proud.
It’s a blog. Someone else’s blog… too. Don’t care if you erase my comments. Just like everything else in a blog, the comments are only what “someone else” thinks their worth…. I generally don’t go back and see if someone said anything about my comments, so I would not know if I was ‘moderated’ or not…. So, is it better to be like everyone else and just get through, or is it better to be ‘special’ and be moderated? WTF?
Bratgirl – Frank berates potatoes every chance he gets, especially when talking about the Irish. One of these days, he’s gonna eat one!! My comment was a swipe at him. (Actually, I’ve never been moderated under this name except the first time I used it… Oh-oh…)
FrankJ eats the Irish?
I think I might need to…um….go visit Instapundit, that’s right….have a good day all!
Jimbobob- under THIS name? How many do you have?!?
Quick Note to myself: I posted this at 12:16 pm on February 16, 2011. I wonder if it will make it through moderation and how long it will take?
Spacemonkey!!!
Must I say it?
All of your comments are belong to us.
You have no chance to reply.
Make your time. HA HA HA
I would never correct your grammer, Frank. If she’s like my grammer, she’s one of the wisest people you’ll ever know.
In reference to my comment above being posted immediately, it is obvious you do not have a horrrific pun algorithm.
I was going to write a comment that broke all of Franks rules (including the multiple of 23 character count), but it seems a couple people already beat me to it.
Too bad I was actually working yesterday afternoon and didn’t see this right away.
Does this make you a moderate, Frnak?
Bratgirl – 42.
Don’t moderate me, bro!
Me!
She’s both funny and wise beyond her years, KnitterChick! Chuck Norris, like most mathemeticians, counts to infinity by counting by infinity. Also look out for “that’s what she said” when that actually is what she said.
@Bratgirl: don’t even get me going, you greening, yellow-bellied, tuberous, 14-eyed, fruity, amorphous spud!