Romney won’t eat a cookie, Obama will eat a dog… WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO?!!
Did anyone really believe the neighbors and police all made up Zimmerman’s injuries? This is a street shooing, not an X-Files conspiracy.
I’d shake Obama’s hand for how he’s protecting us from all those greedy rich people, but I don’t have a spare $1000.
You people aren’t getting it; the reason Obama ate a dog is because he’s experienced other cultures and is better than you.
I dream of a future for my children where race hustlers are shunned as much as racists.
Obama really needs to do a prime-time speech in which he assures the nation’s children he will stop eating their pets.
HER: “Albatross is a bird? Since it’s from that ‘water water everywhere’ poem, I thought it was a fish.”
Fact: Obama ate a dog. Fact in Context: DUDE ATE A DOG!!1!11!!
I don’t think Obama eating a dog disqualifies him from the presidency. It just make him a weirdo we should all be very very suspicious of.
Not sure how I’d work Obama’s dog eating into “Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything.” I guess it makes him cultured.
I guess the writing half of my career is like the engineering half in that I have no idea what I’m doing but I seem to be succeeding.
Man, I got a summons for jury duty… on my birthday! Stupid government.
Never had jury duty before. How do I get out of this? Just tell them I’m racist? I don’t like races.
Can’t I just explain to them I’m an important engineer and writer? Aren’t there old people who can do this instead?
It’s not that I don’t like justice; I just don’t care that much about it.
What I hate about the courthouse is that it’s full of criminals yet they won’t let me bring a gun.
You can’t dodge jury duty. It’s an American duty. Here is what you should do.
1. Ask if Obama is on trial – cause you’d really LIKE to sit in that jury box.
2. Tell the Defense Attorney that you hate criminals and LOVE cops.
3. Volunteer the fact that the death sentence is the least used best tool available to fight crime.
4. Wear an IMOA t-shirt.
5. Take copious notes the entire time you are there. Never answer a question until you have written it down. Then write down your answer and read it aloud.
6. If the waiting room has other prospective jurors be sure to meet each one and make them feel welcome. If they are black ask them why they couldn’t come up with a better President? That you are sure that Obama doesn’t represent the bottom of the barrel. If they are white ask them if they have seen Zimmerman lately?
Please keep notes as jury duty has the potential for several days worth of columns. God knows that jury duty and reality don’t mix but it has potential for a column like “News from the Front Lines!”
Onward
Just say you believe in the death penalty for minor offenses when committed by lawyers and you’ll skate. After you finish serving time for contempt, of course.
The problem is not that Obama eats dogs. The problem is that if we get four more years of him we’ll ALL be eating our dogs.
Just say you believe in the death penalty for minor offenses when committed by lawyers and you’ll skate. After you finish serving time for contempt, of course.
The problem is not that Obama eats dogs. The problem is that if we get four more years of him we’ll ALL be eating our dogs.
Oops! Darn double-click finger. Due to nervousness over Obama eyeing my dog with that hungry look.
“Never had jury duty before. How do I get out of this?”
Tell them you’re a cat!
So I wonder who the HER is in the albatross thought? Good cover…. The names have been clanged to protect the innocent.
I have never been called for jury duty. Helps I preach the end is near from the courthouse steps every third Thursday
Oh yeah…OBAMA ATE A DOG
Frank: if you understand this concept completely:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jury_nullification
you are VERY unlikely to EVER be on a jury.
Obama 2012 slogan: “At least I’ve never eaten an albatross.”
Remember to wear your “Fully Informed Jury Association” badge:
http://fija.org/
I brought a copy of Mark Levin’s “Liberty and Tyranny: A Conservative Manifesto” with me to jury duty. I didn’t even get called up for consideration.
I got called for “Grand” Jury with goes for>>>> 18 WEEKS!<<< The first time my criminal record came in handy.
Who, other than welfare mothers, can drop everything for 18 weeks?? I wonder if they get paid double welfare for having to actually get up in the morning?
I've had regular jury duty like 3 times and all you do is sit there all day, had I been asked to actually be on a jury, I would have said I'm a braindead liberal and I think that judging people is wrong. That should do it. Or I'd say I listen to talk radio, that would work too.
“I don’t think Obama eating a dog disqualifies him from the presidency. It just make him a weirdo we should all be very very suspicious of.”
Kind of nullifies any future accusations of “radical” right wingers, doesn’t it? How do you make a claim that your opponent is radical or “out of touch” when your opponent can always reply, “I’m radical/out of touch? You’re the one that killed and ate a dog.”
1. “I really, really want to be selected for jury duty!!!”
2. “I’m good at spotting guilty people, I know what to look for, don’t worry, they can’t hide their guilt from me.”
3. “I know how to read between the lines of witness testimony and lawyer-speak.”
4. “Defendents beware! I am the Clenched Fist of Karma!”
5. “Can I get on that Trayvon case? I want to write a book and make some serious coin.”
6. Look at judge, *Wink*. Repeat.
7. “Can you pick her too (pointing at hot chick); oh, and can we be sequestered?”
8. “I watch ALL of the CSI shows, so I’ll understand the evidence better than anyone else in the entire court room, even your so called ‘experts’.”
9. “I won’t find people guilty of laws I don’t agree with.”
10. “The only authority I recognize is Baby Jesus and Smith and Wesson.”
Frank J., I understand nuking the moon and arming dinosaurs with missiles, but I’m a little fuzzy on how this jury duty call up advances your plan for ultimate world domination. Please explain.
Obama: I told you that I’m a mutt so let me be clear, If I had a son he would look like Trayvon’s dog. I would not eat my son or Trayvon’s dog. Unless they tasted like waffles. Or dog.
TheHat and Yosoff — excellent, funny stuff!
Why would you want to get out of jury duty? It is your civic and American responsibility. Only through the system set down by our forefathers can justice be served. Unlike dogs, which apparently can be served many ways.
Oh yeah, the occupant ate a dog!!
“Never had jury duty before. How do I get out of this? Just tell them I’m racist? I don’t like races.”
Ask them which side the white people sit on then make vroom vroom sounds on the way to your seat.
i went to jury duty once and gave them “attitude”……i was dismissed within about 2 minutes…….lol
now i just round file the summons, if they want to prove i got the summons ill just go give them a little more attitude.
Tell them that if the defendant was guilty, he would have taken a plea agreement, so he must be innocent.
Actually, don’t play dumb as some people here are suggesting. Lawyers prefer dumb jury members. They’re easier to manipulate.
I got me one of them there permanent disqualification forms. They still send me jury notices.
“Your Honor, I’d make a great juror. I can pick out the guilty like that! ”
I brought a copy of ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’
To get out of jury duty, just tell them you would be a “great” juror because you can spot guilty people just be looking at them.
I dream of a future for my children where race hustlers are shunned as the racists they are.
I’d like to be on a jury where some poor schlub (or a rich baseball player) is on trial for lying to Congress when called to testify before a committee.
If it’s not illegal for congressmen to lie to us, why should it be illegal for us to lie to congressmen?
No Private Law!!! (that’s what “privilege” means).
Seriously, I was on a jury once. It kind of restored my faith in the system. All 12 of us agreed on two things: 1. This guy probably did it, and 2. That isn’t enough to convict him. We returned a not guilty without even much discussion. Reasonable doubt.
Of course, it was also a couple of days off work and free meals, so that’s kind of a bonus. (We were told afterward that if we’d deliberated for another 15 minutes, the judge would have sent us out for dinner.) I loved telling my boss I had jury duty. He started to say “Well, can you get out…?” but then caught himself and you could see on his face “Oh crap! I’m not allowed to say that!”
Today is my birthday. I received a federal jury summons.
I’m going to say “I knowed he done it. Give ‘im the chair!”
Happy birthday, Supertink!
Thanks, 4of7!