Deb [High Praise!] pointed me to a picture of the Snakehead fish that’s so insidiously infesting the local waters in Maryland that wildlife officials are actually putting a bounty on it:
While gazing upon it’s horrid visage, it seemed somehow familiar to me. Like I’d something very much like it before…
The soulless eyes, the glowering brow, those wickedly menacing teeth…
Then I remembered:
Man, talk about your pure, uncut, nightmare fuel!
No shame in sleeping with a nightlight tonight.
[High Praise! to Bad Science]
On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study
Go! Run! Tell your friends!
Unless the stealth-cloaked black helicopters are hovering over your house, watching you like a hawk.
Which they are.
OVERSIGHT CORRECTION: in the previous LOTD, I failed to mention the site that created “The Anger Games,”: Out of Order, the Blog. Said site is totally awesome and its archives should be thoroughly perused. IMAO sincerely regrets the loss of any entertainment value this may have caused.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
WASHINGTON (AP) – With his ambitious plans for a nation-wide high-speed rail program continuing to be stymied Republicans refusing to support new investment initiatives, President Obama announced a new program that he hoped to make the centerpiece of his 2012 campaign: high-speed rotary-dial telephones.
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During a Rose Garden press conference, Obama introduced his innovative agenda.
“Since the push-button telephone was invented by Al Gore in 1963, progress in the area of phone number selection systems has completely stagnated,” said Obama. “Due to the monopolistic greed of Big Keypad, American are left with no choice in how they select remote communication digits. But this nation must change to embrace the future by letting go of the past to embrace the even more distant past.
“Recently I suggested that our nation’s intercontinental train network could be improved by investing hundreds of billions of dollars to make America’s trains go a little bit faster than they did in 1962. The visionless Republicans in Congress said ‘up yours’. That’s why I’m now proposing we make America’s rotary-dial phones go a little bit faster than they did in 1962.”
“New technologies invented by the Dialyndra company can enable us to dial a ‘9’ or ‘0’ in only 2 seconds instead of the 3 seconds it used to take, sharply reducing wasted dialing time and providing the average American up to 10 extra years of free time that they could be better spent with their families, or waiting for medical treatment under Obamacare.”
During the question and answer period following the press conference, President Obama suggested that his inevitably successful high-speed rotary-dialing program would likely be followed by other time-saving technology initiatives, such as the 9-track tape and the 34-rpm record.
* How bad is the economy? Over the past year Obama couldn’t even afford speech writers to write him new speeches.
Notice how he even stutters in some of the same places.
Obama came into office inexperienced, but some people hoped he would grow while serving. It does not quite seem like that is happening. In fact, he’s just kind of phoning in the presidency lately. Oh, I have a good picture for that:
"Republicans are going to starve old people off cliffs yada yada. Can I eat my waffle now?"
* So Romney is going after Obama for flip-flopping. I guess that complements pretty well his attack on Obama for imposing a health care mandate on people. Next he’ll go after Obama for having an usual religion and naming his kids weird things.
Well, being brazen worked for Romney in the primary; let’s hope it works in the general against Mr. Touchy.
* Good news: The Obama administration has admitted that the Supreme Court can strike down laws as unconstitutional. So the president is finally to the level of knowledge of constitutional law that you had in grade school. So I was wrong; he is growing in office. He’ll be a big boy soon!
* Thanks to a marketing deal, James Bond is going to be trading in his martini for a Heineken. And instead of a tuxedo, he’s going to wear a wife beater. And instead of taking on evil global syndicates, he’s going to fight giant CGI robots that transform. And James Bond is going to be played by Shia LaBeouf.
Progress!
* Aw man; scientists now think the Tyrannosaurus rex had feathers. Feathers ruin dinosaurs. We might as well mount rocket launchers on Big Bird.
Man, everything has gotten worse under Obama. Back when I was kid, Reagan was president, dinosaurs were cool, mysterious giant lizards, and we had nine planets in our solar system. Poor Buttercup; all she has to look forward to is finding out what number comes after a trillion in regards to the debt. I’m going to go drown my sorrows in a case of Heineken like hobo James Bond.
So are we all ready to move on from primary speculation to VP speculation?
I don’t quite “get” Instagram yet.
I act angry when I fix a bug on a program and it still doesn’t work, but secretly I’m saying, “Yay! More bugs to hunt!”
I pity those who don’t know the thrill of debugging. It’s taking something broken and fixing it through sheer force of awesomeness.
By being a programmer, I command electronics what to do. I’m like Aqauman, but for microprocessors instead of fish.
Paul Ryan’s budget is radical. In fact, his budget writing should be an extreme sport event.
IMAO.com got a mention in Best of the Web yesterday. Wish I owned that URL.
When IMAO.com last went up for sale, thanks to the success of my blog, the URL was far too expensive for me to afford. Still, it makes me feel proud someone dropped a couple grand to catch traffic from people mistyping my blog URL.
My wife is replacing the thermostat. It’s funny because it’s technical and she’s a woman.
I don’t think the Hunger Games has a political slant. It’s just a generic, oppressive government, i.e., the key characteristic of the government in the Hunger Games is that it’s oppressive.
