Pretty telling that the only Republican voting to convict is the one who gave people cancer and put women in binders and was a bully and put a dog on a car and [other meaningless BS from 2012].

I’ll sleep better tonight now knowing the president is innocent.

All you guys who propped up that teenager David Hogg for your political purposes: Good job, you completely broke him.

The thing that always fascinated me with the “binders full of women” Romney gaffe is that at least half the left-wingers going after him with it didn’t even seem to understand what they were criticizing him for.

The DNC is probably trying to cover up Bernie’s win in Iowa for very good reasons and the far-left need to get in line.

I think the only way for AOC to save face now is to upload a video of her trying to lift herself up by her own bootstraps to prove it can’t be done. That would really make conservatives look like idiots and shut them up.

How much is Mike Bloomberg paying influencers? Asking for an… influencer friend.

I’m not arguing Trump isn’t terrible, I’m just not buying he’s some order of magnitude worse than the other politicians.

As a Trump defender who defends Trump on absolutely everything he does, I have to say I find what Trump is doing to be very defensible.

Today’s Democratic Party is mainly a bunch of far-left white people arguing who knows best for people of color.

All the people complaining to Twitter about the Trump video are such weenies. All they have to do is look more reasonable than Trump, and every day they’re like “Nope!”

When I’m rich, I’m not going to eat ground beef anymore. I’m going to eat sky beef.

Hopefully women will spend less time shoe-shopping and more time perfecting their filmmaking skills so they’ll get Oscar director nominations next year.

Remember when everyone was like “Warren is smart and she has plans”? That was silly.

“Joker was popular. I bet people are going to want a see a movie about Joker’s girlfriend.”
When has that worked? Now that Parasite has won the Oscar, are they doing a movie about the Parasite’s girlfriend (assuming he has one; I’m only vaguely familiar with that DC villain)?

Know what might do really well? A movie about Harley Quinn’s boyfriend.

If someone can only do less that $15 in value of work an hour, it should be illegal to hire that person.

My opinion on sub versus dub is wait for the superior American version. Who needs The Seven Samurai when you have much shorter and more efficient The Magnificent Seven?
There’s even one with Chris Pratt in it!

Not going to upgrade my Kindle until they finally have USB-C. MicroUSB has to be my most despised connector.

I think Warren is my least favorite of the remaining Democratic presidential candidates, so it’s nice to see her floundering. Who is your least favorite?

I’m sorry, but I just can’t accept Buttigieg is pronounced “BOOT-edge-edge” just because that’s what they told me. That requires an explanation because in no universe are there two edges in there.

I’m pronouncing it Butt-ee-geeg, and if he doesn’t like it, spell it differently.

One thing none of the candidates are talking about are those little stickers on apples. Every time I want eat an apple, I have to pull off the sticker and wash off the glue residue. It’s 2020; is there really no other way to identify apples than putting stickers on each one?

If the name change works on Birds of Prey are they going to try it on Little Women?

I love how when I’m trying to get a quick update on breaking news Twitter fills my timeline with tweets from nine hours ago I already read.

Bernie Sanders’s magic is having gotten to 78 years old maintaining the sort of idiocy that usually doesn’t survive leaving a college campus.

I don’t know anyone right or left who hates Klobuchar. I mean, from the rumors about how she treats her staff, she probably a horrible person, but still it seems notable she doesn’t have any vehement detractors.

If I had buttons for each presidential candidate to magically transport them to prison, the only button I wouldn’t hit would be Yang’s.