Ordering the Sampler Appetizer platter protects you from COVID
PatriotRetort.com | July 17, 2020 | Dianny

The air must be really thin up there on Dead Body Mountain. Governor “Boy I Really Nailed This Thing” Cuomo took some time out from his victory lap over having the highest per capita death rate in the country to issue yet another dictate. From here on out, restaurants must not serve alcohol to patrons unless said patrons also order food. Apparently a gin and tonic alone puts you at risk for COVID, but ordering the sampler appetizer platter along with that G&T renders you immune.

Governor “Didn’t I Do I Great Job” Cuomo believes drinking at an outdoor restaurant sans food leads to that high-risk behavior known as “sticking around too long.” Whereas drinking while enjoying the sampler appetizer platter will force people to hurry the hell up and leave.

I’m unclear if patrons will be required to order another sample appetizer platter every time they order an additional drink, or if just having the same plate of food at your table inoculates you from the threat of COVID.

Though, to be fair, restaurant owners are just as unclear about the latest proclamation from on high as I am.

I checked Governor “Dead Body Mountain’s” poster of praise to himself to see if there was a neat little cartoon depicting the food-to-drink ratio, and there was not.

Now, it’s been a while since I’ve gone out with friends to a restaurant mostly because I do not possess the disposable income necessary to eat out. But as I dimly recall, even with every person at the table ordering food, we still managed to hang out there for quite a while.