He’s not flip-flopping, pivoting, or pirouetting – Barack Obama is now EVOLVING on the issue of giving NASA an additional $2 billion in funding.
I guess he’s trying to make that leap between Adorable Rodent and Marauding Marsupial.
Anyway, I’m surprised it took Obama this long to get on board with the Shuttle program, since it only burns liquid hydrogen & liquid oxygen – ZERO carbon footprint! So I suspect that he’ll make sure the $2B is spent making NASA even greener in the future. I prognosticate thusly:
 |
- Spacesuits will be hand-woven by indigenous peoples from sustainably grown organic hemp fibers.
- Space helmets made from 100% post-consumer recycled paper.
- Psychotic stalker astronaut chicks will be required to complete their cross-country treks wearing cloth diapers.
- Shuttle will be painted black so as not to reflect sunlight and increase global warming.
- In flight movie: An Inconvenient Truth
- Shuttle’s spent solid rocket booster tanks to be recovered by sailboats. Yay! Wind power!
- Tang to be replaced with more earth-friendly soy-based Sang.
- After washing spacesuits, hang them off the shuttle’s mechanical arm to dry.
- Old satellites should be recycled instead of being left as space trash. Start with weather satellites that aren’t showing increasing global temperatures.
- Astronaut training centrifuge to be powered by gerbils on meth.
- Instead of adjusting shuttle orbit with wasteful rockets, just have everyone get out and push.
- Replace moon with giant compact fluorescent light.
How else can NASA help save our precious planet?
Oh, what fun, Harvey!
* To hell with rocket motors. Let’s power the Shuttle with solar cells funded with Al Gore’s carbon credits!
* NASA’s “vomit comet” zero-g training airplane to be replaced by (less/more) expensive Disney World amusement rides.
* Improve flight amenities to include proper tray tables and seat backs stowed in their upright positions.
* Install “No Smoking” signs at all Shuttle seat locations.
* Contract Shuttle spaceflight garbage recovery to Dubai company, “EatShiite, LTD.” (Come on! Spread the wealth!)
* Design and install a functional reentry waste heat recovery system. All that heat energy is going to waste and warming the earth! Geessh!
Find even more chemical adhesives to replace with greener less effective ones. The adhesives holding on the tiles was a good start, but we can put astronaut’s lives at risk in many more ways.
Couldn’t they just ride bikes into space?
But H2+O=water. WATER vapor is a bigger greenhouse climate driver than CO2!! You naughty right wingers are always preying on the poor unenlightened clingers who can’t pronounce “arugula”, but I’m not falling for the “Big Space” lobby any more than I’ll fall for your “Big Oil” slavishness!!
If you really want to go to space without leaving a massive carbon jackbootprint on the atmosphere, you’ll need to take advantage of the quantum effects of the density of Harry Reid’s brain. It’s almost as dense as a black hole. (Actually it is as dense as a black hole, but I don’t want to sound racist.) Just roll your space shuttle towards him and it will rapidly accelerate. At the last second yell “The surge is working!” so Harry ducks and doesn’t get decapitated by the shuttle wing. At this point the shuttle will be going so fast it can fly into orbit like an ordinary aircraft! BTW, the part about warning Harry so he doesn’t get decapitated is optional.
What, using NASA and My warp drive to shoot you racist crackers into an extragalactic black hole isn’t enough?
#5: “carbon jackbootprint”
That’s just friggin’ funny. How’s about a carbon jackbootedthugprint up my big, slovenly cheese dispenser? You know I’d love it.
Nuke the moon — duh.
Convert the crawler (mobile launch platform) to cleaner burning biofuel. If that can’t move the shuttle, harness up all those alligators.
Go back to launching balloons and use Al Gore for the source of hot air.
“Have you bathed?” – Montgolfier brother
The one about replacing the moon with a giant fluorescent lightbulb was hilarious.
NASA can shuttle up a giant parasol to shade the earth from all that nasty sunlight. We could then sell carbon offsets from our reduced footprint.
Oh wait, that’s capitalistic. Gotta find something else to do with the money. Maybe use it to help the true illegal aliens (from Mars & your anus) come to the US for a free education.
High altitude balloons made from recycled plastic and filled with hydrogen launched into the stratosphere to shade the Earth.
No, won’t work.
It’d make people start thinking about the connection between Sun light and global temperatures and we can’t have that!
Also too much shade would screw up all the solar panels we’re supposed to get our electricity from.
NASA could save money when testing space suits in an absolute vacuum by simple wearing them to the Democratic National Convention. It wouldn’t protect them from Obama rays, but it is a better method of testing the integrity of seals than the older Lewinsky Negative Pressure Test.
Actually, a company called Alliant Techsystems recently made and successfully tested reusable rocket boosters. No more ‘spent’ boosters. Hmm, imagine that; private industry reducing waste and making profit from it. Just more evil capitalism. It’s only of matter of time before the liberals start sputtering about climate profiteering.
“Astronaut training centrifuge to be powered by gerbils on meth.”
I almost fell out of my chair laughing from this one… I am in awe. I cannot outwit this. 😉