So, you have a blog post idea for me?

Yes, sir, I do. You know how some TV shows stop from getting stale by making unexpected changes?

What do you mean?

You know Doctor Who? They make massive changes every few years and keep things fresh.

Okay. What are you proposing?

We turn you into a woman.

What?

Yeah yeah yeah. It’ll be totally unexpected.

I mean, how would that work? My name is Harvey. It’s not Pat or Robin or Ashley or Sam or any name that lends itself to either male or female characters. Harvey is pretty much a man’s name.

Or a rabbit’s.

Yeah, but it’s a male rabbit. That’s my point.

Oh, yeah. I guess that wouldn’t work. Whoops!

Whoopsie! You got anything else?

Well, how about a wedding? That always boosts ratings.

Oh! Weddings are tight! But didn’t we already do that with Frank J. and Sarah K.?

Oh, right. Wait! I’ve got it. We could kill you off.

What?

Yeah, that would subvert expectations.

What? Kill me?

Yeah. Remember on “Game of Thrones” how shocking it was when Ned Stark was killed off? The ratings skyrocketed.

So you want to behead me to make ratings skyrocket?

Now that you put it that way, it might not be such a good idea.

Thank you! I’ve grown quite attached to my head.

Oh, yeah. You want something else then?

How about I just retire?

You can’t do that!

You were wanting to kill me, but retirement is too much?

Wouldn’t that cause problems for everyone?

No, it’ll be super easy, barely an inconvenience.

Isn’t that my line?

You wanted to subvert expectations, didn’t you? Well, there you go.

You got me. Let’s try it again.

It’ll be super easy, barely an inconvenience.

Oh, really?

Yeah. I just write a post saying that I’m retiring. Then I quit posting. I take my personal blog offline, close some accounts, and there you go.

I see the “super easy” part. How is that “barely an inconvenience?”

For me, it is. The rest of you are just gonna have to step up for a little while. Besides, it’s not like I’m really going to retire.

*stinger*