I was listening to Bill Bennett this morning, and Mark Steyn was a guest. Since it is Valentine’s Day, Steyn anyalyzed the relationship between McCain and the Conservative wing of the party in terms of the holiday. He said McCain is like the woman you’ve been married to for 30 years–you know absolutely everything there is to know about the person, and when you go out to eat, there is nothing to say because everything has been said ten times over. He could have went further, and said McCain is like the girlfriend you stick with for no good reason after she has done you wrong. In any event, that got me to thinking–in modern history which President would you send a Valentine to, and is there any relation to their ultimate success or failure.
2004 — Bush v. Kerry — Bush easily would be the one to send a Valentine to. That stiff, arrogant, gold-digging twit Kerry is not good relationship material. Say what you will about Bush, he is loyal, friendly and approachable. Unfortunately, time would prove there wasn’t a real “love connection” between Bush and the Conservative base.
2000 — Bush v. Gore — Bush wins again for some of the same reasons. Gore is a stiff to the tenth power. If there is a “real” Al Gore, I’ve never seen him. Also, he was the “best friend” of your last significant other who did you wrong.
1996 — Clinton v. Dole v. Perot — Easily Clinton. Say what you will about Clinton, he was/is a charmer–too much so as we learned after his re-election. Perot was just nutty.
1992 — Bush v. Clinton v. Perot — Bush Sr. was/is as poorly spoken as his son, but has none of the charm. Its easy to see why people would be ready for a change. Again, Perot was just nutty.
1988 — Bush v. Dukakis. Luckily for Bush Sr., the Dems ran someone even less engaging than he was. Who can forget Dukakis in that tank. What a weenie. Also, Bush, carried over a lot of that Reagan-love, due to his close association with the Gipper. We would get burned by that nostalgia as it turned out.
1984 — Reagan v. Mondale. Reagan had all of Clinton’s charm, was better looking, plus he was honest. No modern President was better boyfriend material than old Ronaldus Magnus. Stiff Mondale had absolutely no chance and got slaughtered.
1980 — Reagan v. Carter. Carter was Carter–what more can I say.
1976 — Carter v. Ford. This one is a bit of an anomaly. Ford was strong, good looking, and athletic (despite the jokes), yet lost a close one to a backwoods hick with teeth like a keyboard after a piano has rolled down a flight of stairs. I liken this one to a situation where your previous significant other has treated you so SO BADLY, that you seek out a rebound that is totally differently. That strategy never works out in the long run, and it sure didn’t in this situation.
1972. Nixon v. McGovern. McGovern was weak and soft spoken. You want to date the person who kicks sand in others’ faces, not the person who gets sand kicked in his face.
1968. Nixon v. Humphrey. I wasn’t alive back then, so I can’t really speak to why Nixon was more appealing than Humphrey. I assume he came off as strong (whereas Humphrey was touchy-feely, and came off as too weak in a time of war. Back then the Soviet Union was front and center in the minds of everyone–you kids have no idea what that was like. Humphrey also was “best friends” with the last President, so carried that additional baggage. You don’t want to date the best friend of your last significant other.
1964. Johnson v. Goldwater. Goldwater was stiff and stern, whereas Johnson was charming, strong as a bull, and carried over a lot of emotion from the assassination. It kind of reminds me of that scene in Animal House, where Otter pretends to be the boyfriend of a deceased co-ed to get her friends to go out with him. An easy victory.
1960. Kennedy v. Nixon. Nowhere is the Valentine’s Day principle more apparent than in relation to this election. Nixon was far and away the better candidate-he was tough, experienced, and well-spoken. Unfortunately, he got out-foxed by “big man on campus” Jack Kennedy. Good looks and charm beat out the good provider every day in the realm of relationships, and this was no different. Jack’s back-story had more holes than swiss cheese, but none of us knew it back then.
That brings us to today. McCain v. Clinton–I think in that race, you are dealing with the ugly sister, and her even uglier sister. In that scenario, being forced to choose, I would give my Valentine to McCain. This is kind of like elementary school, where you had to give everyone a Valentine, even those people you didn’t like. McCain would get a Valentine like that from me. McCain v. Obama–this is an easy one–Obama in a landslide. He may be lean on ideas, and his policies (to the extent he has any) border on socialism, but he is an appealing, well-spoken, good looking man. I think McCain (who himself says he is old as dirt and looks like Frankenstein) is going to get his clock cleaned if he goes up against Obama in November. Obama is the great catch you hope you can change. We’ll see.

But what I really want to know is what’s the connection between Ron Paul and saw blades at Minneapolis headquarters?

It’s freakin’ cold up here — 13 below when I got up. But, at least some sun dogs formed to take the edge off.

UPDATE: I’m a little surprised that this post generated dozens of comments. Most are well reasoned, and many are funny. It doesn’t bother me that many of you are passionate McCain supporters and want to get your shots in, just as it didn’t bother me that Frank was a passionate Thompson supporter and he let me get my shots in. I don’t quite get, however, the comments that the post is somehow bigoted or xenophobic. It has absolutely nothing to do with McCain’s immigration stance or race. It has to do with the cult of personality, and a twist on Che t-shirts. If you’re a McCain supporter, why don’t you explain why he is such a great candidate, rather than hiding behind a weak and stretching argument that any contrary opinion is somehow based on hating Mexicans. (Incidentally, Che was Argentinian, and is famous for his relation to Cuba, not Mexico). If you think you are going to convince anyone he is a great candidate by hiding behind accusations of “race baiting” in regard to anyone who disagrees with his positions, you are deluded and not terribly bright. Didn’t that argument fail miserably once already in connection with the non-amnesty/amnesty debate a couple months ago, when moderates tried to guilt the conservative wing of the party into supporting bad legislation? It’s not racist to want border security. Its not racist to expect that people who live in this country should abide by the law. Of course, none of those issues are even raised in this post anyway. So, I guess, if you think they are, piss off–you’re probably too stupid for this site, and that’s saying something.

The House today overwhelmingly approved the President’s economic stimulus plan. The plan calls for NASA to launch the space shuttle Atlantis, maneuver it into geostationary orbit over the Midwest, and dump $149 billion of taxpayer money into the upper atmosphere. If the plan does not result in a boost to the United States economy, the President has a reserve plan at the ready involving magic beans and fairy dust. The President has also requested, if there is enough spare room on the shuttle to allow it, that the last remaining copies of the Contract with America–particularly those portions dealing with a balanced budget–be tossed into space along with the stimulus cash.

Obama takes big risk on driver’s license issue
(01-28) 04:00 PST Washington — Sen. Barack Obama easily won the African American vote in South Carolina, but to woo California Latinos, where he is running 3-to-1 behind rival Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, he is taking a giant risk: spotlighting his support for the red-hot issue of granting driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants.

Do yourself a favor and tune into Airor America in the next week or so (you can live stream it on the web free–no one in their right mind would actually pay for it). The “progressive” hosts are frothing at the mouth in support of their Democratic candidate of choice. Hillary supporters are slamming Obama about what a “crybaby” he is, and how he has zero qualification to be President. Obama supporters are slamming Hillary and Bill about how he is overpowering her, accuse the Clintons of resorting to guttural, racist tactics, and even throw in the “sham marriage” and infidelity accusations that have long been a favorite talking point of the “vast wing conspiracy”. Edwards supporters are . . . well . . . they aren’t really doing anything since there aren’t any. The next month or so will likely be the only time in the foreseeable future when you, like me, may actually be able to listen to these “progressive” idiots for more then 60 seconds without retching. This window is more narrow than your typical Mars shot, and nearly as rare as the return of Haley’s Comet. Don’t miss out on your chance to hear the Democrats fall over themselves to eat their young, even though your instincts and every fiber of your being fight against tuning into their leftist, lunatic, propaganda machine.

capitalist b in da house!
if you send me copies of your politically related photoshops, I’ll be happy to post them and give you full credit — i rarely read comments, so make sure you e-mail me, or i probably won’t see it — also, i’ve found that photoshops of frank in various stages of undress are highly sought after by the imao readership

Mitt Romney’s Detroit Economic Club Address
Monday, Jan 14, 2008
Remarks As Delivered
“Thank youz. It’s pimp-tight ta be back here wiff ya’ll. t’s pimp-tight ta be back in Motown. You know, somehow everything just seems right here. In da winter, o’ course, da skies iz cloudy all day. Most o’ da cars ya see on da roads iz made here in da pimp-tight old U-S-of A. Word. People know dat pop iz not youz baby’s daddy, it’s uh soft drink!
“One o’ muh mother f#ckin favorite stories, an’ ya may gots heard dis here cuz dey told it mo’ than once, wuz about muh Pop’s visit ta Mt. Pleasant, Michigan, on da 4th o’ July. He got up an’ spoke ‘bfoe da hood. He said, ‘It sure iz great representin up in dis here da Mt. Clement hood.’ There wuz dis here fruckis in da audience an’ muh mother f#ckin moms leaned forward an’ said, ‘George, it’s Pleasant, Pleasant!’ He said, ‘Yeah, it sure iz pleasant here in Mt. Clement.’ Stupid mo-fo.
“Now I gotsta ta tell ya, if I’m elected as President o’ dis here great land, I will not need uh compass ta tell me where Michigan iz. And I won’t need ta be briefed on what’s going on in da veehicle industry or what’s happening ta Michigan’s economy. You see, I’ve got Michigan in muh mother f#ckin DNA. I’ve goddit in muh mother f#ckin heart an’ I’ve got cars in muh mother f#ckin bloodstream. I be gansta and ready to roll up on dat recessions azz.
“When I wuz living here, representin’ with my homies, Michigan wuz da pride o’ da land an’ really da envy o’ da peeps in da entire world. Detroit wuz da Motor City ta everybody in da world. And perhaps da biggest day o’ da year fo’ me wuz being able ta jet ta da Detroit Auto Show. This wuz really sumfin. My Pops made Ramblers. And we’s wuz escorted from da hotel wiff uh po-po escort, motorcycles, awfully tight, even though we’s was rollin’ dirty.
“But uh lot has changed since then, as you allz know, an’ not all o’ it iz pimp-tight. Unemployment, now ya know deez numbers, unemployment at 7.4% iz in da basement o’ da entire country. A state agency just dis here week forecast dat next year it’s going ta jet ta 8.2% an’ afta dat 8.7% da year afta. Sheet.
“And da queshun iz, what has the Man in Washington done wiff dis here recession, what has whitey done ta he`p? The answer iz not very much at all. Fo’ sho’. I don’ know about da Washington politicians, but I can tell ya this: if I be President, I will not rest until Michigan is stone cold chillin! I be all gangsta up in whitey’s grillz and put a cap up his azz if he don’t mind.
“We’re going to show whitey our pimp hand and gets uh President who will actually take action ta do sumfin about dem. If I’m President o’ dis here country, I will roll up muh mother f#ckin sleeves in da first 100 days I’m in office, an’ I will bring together industry, labor, Congressional an’ state leaders an’ together we’s will develop uh plan ta rebuild America’s automotive leadership. It will be uh plan dat werkz fo’ sho. .
“The pessimist says dat da hundreds o’ thousands o’ jobs dat gots been lost, gots been lost forever. Well, da pessimists iz wrong. The industry an’ all its jobs do not gots ta be lost. And I be one pimp who will werk ta transform da industry an’ save those mother f#ckin’ jobs.
“Now, afta dis here speech, I be going ta do wiff muh boy Tagg, who’s chillin’ right dere, what muh motehr f#ckin Dad did wiff me 50 years ago. We’re going ta jet ta da International Auto Show where I will show him da bomb good time, and git wit some shortys. And da next tyme I visit da Auto Show here in Detroit, I hope it will be as da President o’ da United States. Thank ya so much, and peace out my bruthas!”

Continue reading ‘Yo, yo, yo — moman in da house . . .’ »

Former presidential candidate Fred Thompson was elected to the Footnote to History Hall of Fame Tuesday. Thompson received 98.5% of the 545 ballots cast, just missing the record percentage of 98.84% posted by Eugene McCarthy in 1992. Thompson joins such historical luminaries as Harold Stassen, Ross Perot, Adlai Stevenson, Walter Mondale, Thomas Dewey, Wendell Willkie, Horatio Seymour, Charles Pickney, and Rufus King. Thompson called a Tuesday afternoon press conference to discuss his induction, but, unfortunately, no reporters showed up.