Ted Rall rears his ugly head . . .SARAH PALIN, QUEEN OF THE NOBODIES
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Archive of entries posted by Cadet Happy
Speaker Pelosi Founds Committee to Preserve White House Antiquities
AP (WASHINGTON, D.C.) — U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and House Appropriations Committee Chairman Dave Obey (D-WI) today announced the formation of a permanent Committee to Preserve White House Antiquities. Obey stated that “The committee will be charged with studying and implementing policies designed to preserve historical items used to decorate the White House.” Although decorating decisions are ultimately made by the current President, Congress appropriates the money used to preserve and acquire historical items. According to Pelosi, the need for such a committee was underscored by the candidacy of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin for Vice President. “Given Senator McCain’s precarious health, he may not live out a first term if elected, and certainly cannot be expected to run for a second term. Thus, there is a real possibility that a retarded toddler may be loping through the halls of the West Wing in the very near future. As one of the country’s leading public servants, it is my solemn duty to ensure that no lasting damage come to our nation’s historical artifacts. There will be no: ‘Sorry Dolley Madison, the portrait of George Washington you saved before the British burned down the White House has been defaced with permanent marker and paste,’ or ‘Sorry President Hayes, your State Dinner Service has been used as used as frisbees in the Rose Garden and is smashed in a million pieces,’ or ‘Sorry Abe Lincoln, a mongloid chewed the rosewood knobs off your guest bed.’ Not on my watch.” “It is also a matter of public safety,” added Pelosi. “I could not live with myself if someone is killed or maimed by Trig using his unnatural strength to throw FDR’s Steinway through a White House picture window. Trigg Palin is a public menace, and I demand that if his mother cannot be kept out of the White House, he at least be controlled while she is in it.” Pelosi suggests that the committee look into the installation of an invisble fence, or at least a permanent enclosure. “I’m sure a nice 4×6 dog kennel or stainless steel chimpaneze cage would provide more than enough space for a young boy to safely stretch his legs.”
RNC: McCain to focus keynote address on Abominable Snow-Hams, assexual reproduction and smores crisis. . .
. . . while Cindy McCain focuses on sucking remaining life force out of Trig Palin . . .
Former FEMA director Brown Demands Palin Fire Nanny
WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) — Michael Brown, the former director of FEMA forced to resign in the wake of the Katrina disaster, has called on presumptive Republican Vice Presidential nomineee Sarah Palin to fire her nanny. “Every public relations debacle requires a fall guy,” asserted Brown, “and the premarital pregnancy of Palin’s underage daughter plainly calls for someone’s head to roll. Why should I be fired for something outside of my control and others go unscathed.” “It appears to me,” said Brown, “that the most obvious person to take responsibility is the nanny that has been charged with raising Palin’s five children since she assumed the office of governor of Alaska in 2006.” Palin famously passed her youngest son Trigg off to a nanny to return to work three days after giving birth to him earlier this year. Recent photographs showing daughter Bristol caring for the baby may indicate that Palin has already had the INS deport her nanny back to Central America.
PETA Demands That Palin Discuss Her Fowl, Coarse, Brown Pelt, and Crabs at Press Conference
Official 2008 RNC mascot to speak tonight . . .
Ay yi yi . . . jottings from the RNC
Is it over yet? I work a couple blocks from the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul and am a police reserve officer as well, so I have a few thoughts on this whole brouhaha.
First, why St. Paul? I love the Twin Cities–I’ve been here for almost 15 years, and would never move anywhere else (unless I win the lottery, in which case I’ll be buying a condo on Santa Monica beach), but it is not by any stretch of the imagination an appropriate place for a convention. There is nothing to do here that would be of the remotest interst to people from around the country. The geography is boring, there are no landmarks to speak of, and there is little to do here. Sure, you can go out to the Mall of America, but, truth be told, it is simply a really, really, big mall. You can also go to the Guthrie Theater, but there are lots of comparable theaters all over the country. If I was FORCED to have it here, I would have it in Minneapolis, NOT St. Paul. Downtown St. Paul is shabby (I work there), and there are hardly any good restaurants to speak of. Most major businesses have moved over to Minneapolis. We have a skyway in both cities, and, while the Minneapolis one is largely thriving, the one in St. Paul is run down and and dying. Practically every other spot for a business is empty down here. Or at least it was. Interestingly, all these long deserted spots have been filled with temporary businesses. I’m not entirely sure if that is to take advantage of the increased foot traffic (which I’m not sure there really is any–there don’t appear to be anymore people down there than there would be for a playoff sporting event), or whether St. Paul is trying to give the illusion that it isn’t a backwater, dying midwestern city. I wouldn’t be surprised if delegates and news personalities were abandoning the event for “hurricane” Gustav, simply because they don’t want to waste a week in this ho-dunk place.
Second, speaking of farts in a hurricane, I can’t believe how politicians fell over themselves to scale back events here and rush to the gulf coast for that non-event. It always amuses me how they fall over themselves to please people who will never vote for them anyway. I can see making preparations to cancel events if things go badly, but preemptively shooting oneself in the foot has become the GOP’s favorite pasttime as of late.
Third, I worked several police reserve events this weekend, and there is almost no excitement in the air. The only thing people seem to be interested in, is how many smelly hippies get tear-gased. Maybe things will heat up this week. The majority of city council members in both cities are anti-police, so the cops are doing their best to keep order while be undermined by civic leaders who hate Republicans and both law enforcement and the enforcement of laws.
Fourth, Sarah Palin . . . yikes. This chick’s middle name must be Samsonite, because she is carrying some heavy baggage. Hmmmmm . . . let’s see — she’s from a far-removed state, has zero experience (even less than Obama if one can believe that!), and her family is a mess. She should gracefully bow out, go home to focus on getting some experience and spending time with her young baby. She might also do well to swing by the Safeway to pick up some cucumbers and a box of condoms and have a long talk with her kids. What’s the point of preaching abstinence to your kids if you’re not going to keep a close enough eye to assist them in managing those raging hormones? One might think that being from Minnesota this is just sour-grapes, but I think Tim Pawlenty would have been a lousy choice for VP. I’ve heard him speak a number of times, and he comes off as an empty suit (though his wife is wonderful). Don’t even get me started on his “no new taxes pledge,” and then imposing a tobacco tax that he described as a “fee” to save face. Don’t pee on my shoe and tell me it’s raining. Also, I think he would have been chewed up and spit out by Slow Joe, as I suspect Palin will be. What’s wrong with Condeleeza Rice, or any number of other people that might actually have the experience to be President today, or next month? Does anyone really believe that if McCain is elected and drops dead in February that Palin is ready to be leader of the free world?
I’ll walk around later and get some pictures up, though there’s not much to look at.
Hillary or Obama campaign slogans — any ideas?
This must be what he means by change . . .
IMAO Straw Poll
The Legend of the Mall Ninja . . .
. . . this is definitely worth a look over the weekend. In short, it’s the fascinating tale of a hero on the front line of law enforcement that has been bravely preventing the sodomization of virgin male teenagers since at least 2001.
The fragility of life . . .
There was a horrible auto accident today in Germany that should give us all pause to consider what’s really important during this heated political season. I almost cried when I saw this picture. It is absolutely gut wrenching. This picture may be kind of hard to take – if you look closely you can see what appear to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage. Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realize how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us. It also clearly shows the importance of being properly strapped in. Apparently a group of Irish tourists stayed on scene to help, and even though they performed mouth to mouth on quite a few of them, none apparently survived.
Continue reading ‘The fragility of life . . .’ »
Bah-dah-dah . . .
G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave.
Clinton was quick to stop him saying, ‘No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.’
The second barber turned to Bush and said, ‘How about you?’
Bush replied, ‘Go ahead, my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.’