. . . this is definitely worth a look over the weekend. In short, it’s the fascinating tale of a hero on the front line of law enforcement that has been bravely preventing the sodomization of virgin male teenagers since at least 2001.
. . . this is definitely worth a look over the weekend. In short, it’s the fascinating tale of a hero on the front line of law enforcement that has been bravely preventing the sodomization of virgin male teenagers since at least 2001.
“Same with those mindless teenyboppers who go to the Hickory Farms store, and then take double samples of fruitcake and cheeselog, you warn them that they will be charged with a felony(grand theft), and that if they attempt to fight and run, they will be, unfortunately, first tazered, and if they continue to resist violently with intent to maim, then wounded”
That’s funny stuff, Frank. How did you and Harvey find the time to play this head game?
Oh my gosh hilarious. I agree with one of the comments there that specops was leading the kid on.
And this quote
If 6’5″ and 250lbs is overweight, than so be it.
That sounds just like that country music song about the fat kid in his Mother’s basement
Thanks, before I read this I promised to take my daughters shoe shopping. Now I’ll be seeing imaginary Ninja’s behind every mannequin. Scary.
Wow, that’s amazing. That guy is certified crazy, not to mention a pathological liar.
I bet he’s a Ron Paul supporter.
HEY C’MON NOW! I once saw the Mall Ninja reverse the earths rotation so fast that we all went back in time.
((you have to have the special time dampers installed in your mums basement.otherwise you wont even know whats up….waz uuuuuuuuup?))
Anyhow, so he reversed time so he could get a kitty out of a tree. Granted, he shot it. And the owner. And a few random people. But you still have to admit, hitting the kitty from 2 AND 3/4 miles away, with an airsoft gun is pretty damn good.
For real, you dont want to piss them guys off…
Yea’…this guy’s good.
But what about protection from claymores?
The last time I was sodomized at a mall the Neo-Nazi held a claymore to my head!!! Help me Gecko!!!
Oh wow that is so rediculously funny. I was falling out of my chair I was laughing so hard. Now every time I go to the mall I’m going to be looking around for them wondering if they are going to jump me cause my purse looks heavy enough to have a Springfield EMP in it…
I think I went to high school with this kid, or at least some facsimile of him.
Did you ever talk to the kid, when you were in junior high or high school, who “knew” what it was like to be in Vietnam, even though he was too young to even be a lovechild of said conflict (not to mention that he was as white as the sun on a piece of unmarred printer paper)?
I think I may have actually injured myself laughing at this. I’m sending IMAO the doctor’s bill!
That was hilarious.
I actually have personal experience being “saved” by the armed response of a rent-a-cop.
Walking through the mall as a boy, my family went over to see why a crowd had gathered and verily did we see two of the University Park Mall’s finest swinging their night sticks at a small bat that was flying circles around their heads. As the pair (lets call them Barney and Andy for no apparent reason) keep swinging and missing, the crowd (probably about 100 peeps by now) is amused and starts giggling, chortling and some even flat out guffawing.
I imagine that Barney was probably a lot like the mall ninja in the link. His impotent rage grows as the people he is valiantly defending from this vicious insect eating horror, he realizes only one action can reclaim his honor……………..
Barney started to pull his gun.
Time slows to a crawl
100+ people stop laughing
the rear of the crowd turns to run
The front of the crowd hits the deck.
Luckily Andy is slightly smarter that Barney and tackles the Idiot before he can try to shoot the bat.
In a mall
Surrounded by a crowd of people.
as the people he is valiantly defending from this vicious insect eating horror laugh at him ..
Preview dagnabit, I should preview
Making fun of our nation’s mall heroes is mean. Everyone thought malls might blow up after 9-11 but it didn’t happen. Now you know why. I don’t think this guy is one of the real mall ninjas though because real mall ninjas are sworn to secrecy. You could be inside Williams-Sonoma looking for a new panini set and there could be a mall ninja right next to you and you wouldn’t even know it!
As a troll, I’d like to shake the hand of SPECOPS. That man is a master of our craft and the rest of us can only hope to achieve his level of skill one day.
Where do I begin? I was laughing to tears!
I too believe that “SPECOPS” was just egging on “Gecko45”, or maybe Gecko45 is the true genius and we have all been punk’d as evidenced by:
I’m also willing to concede Pork & Beans #1 comment that Frank and Harvey made it all up but, after having seen in years gone by, the delusional people on American Idol (who think they can sing, but can’t) I’m inclined to believe that Gecko45 believes what he says.
I loved the unnamed poster who pointed out:
Now that’s what I call Real Ultimate Power!
1. Mall ninjas are mammals.
2. Mall ninjas fight on message boards ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the mall ninja is to flip out and post weird s***.
Arrr, they be no match for the MALL PIRATE
People, just so you know, it was all a joke. You can tell this guy’s just having fun when he starts claiming that their handguns will be supplied by Lorcin and Jennings.
So, who is Mike Honcho? Need a bio on the new blogger, Frank.
I was just going to glance at that page, but found myself unable to stop reading it. It was like watching an auto accident. You don’t want to look but for some reason you can’t look away. Damn funny stuff.
I KNEW there was a reason malls scare me, lol.
SWAT team members in that town are probably overjoyed they don’t get calls to the mall anymore except for cleanup. It’s like “the city” in “The Tick” cartoons.
Wow. I don’t know if I’m sorry I didn’t make it all the way through that junk or not. It was funny and disgusting all at once. I do want to know more about mall pirates, though. Can you fill us in, David? Just so we can be prepared.
You guys owe me, I was reading this at work and broke one of their $600.00 chairs when I fell over backward laughing! This was beautiful!
#14 comment, Rightjabs,
After posting, I re-read the entire piece, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t Frank and Harvey, but the post I quoted from reminded me of them. It was hilarious!
Yeah, this is a joke. This has been going around for several years. It was originally posted on Glocktalk, IIRC.
Hysterical. Every time I read this I have to stop every few paragraphs and catch my breath.
I’m never going to the mall again. And I am moving from upstate NY!
That is one of the greatest exchanges in the history of the web. I did see it before and actually saw posts by Gecko45 on the HK board some years back. I really believe he is a Mall Security Guard and living a fantasy life in Mom’s basement. That or he is the greatest Troll of all time.
I was in te USAF when the Shrike was being replaced, They are air-to-ground missles the size of a telephone pole. the idea of one on a Mall Guard’s golf cart is fantastic.
As to the .338 Lapua, the British Army’s peformance specs when it was developed was to penetrate five layers of body armor at 1500 meters. It has been found to EXCEED that goal. You will not survive ONE .338 to the back. The best test I have personaly conducted with it was to penetrate 2.5 inches of cold roll steel plate at 800 meters.
And it went thru like it was warm butter.
I am a former US Marine – 5 years Infantry and Military Police. These whackos are the wannabe’s that maybe made it through the first 2 days of boot, and peed their pants so much they got sent home to mommy. Hilarious stuff. Someone should write a comedy script off this and make a superhero movie. The thought that these kinds of people are “protecting the cinnabuns of the young” from pedo’s, Chechnen rebels, and ex KGB (and dont forget the neo nazis with missile launchers) is quite disturbing. I guess its a good thing they have all those years in the Special Forces doing “Black Ops” and “ninja training”. I almost passed out I was laughing so hard. Seriously.
laugh all you want bozos. laugh all the way to your funeral. Its tactical teams like me who’ll get your back with no thanks.
nyah