Archive of entries posted on 25th February 2008

Let’s Play Dess Up with the Americans!

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The whole imbroglio with Obama dressing up like who is name is usually confused with I think marks a good time to review the practice of American officials going to foreign countries and dressing in their local garb. Just look at this:


President Bush preparing for his new job at the Ministry of Magic.

First question: Did President Bush’s staffers confirm this was actual local attire and not some joke? I mean, see someone behind him wearing a suit and looking much less idiotic in comparison; are we certain foreigners aren’t like, “Hey! The American President is visiting! Let’s see what kind of idiotic thing we can trick him into wearing this time!” They’re all probably just laughing behind our backs. And do we ever do this to foreign dignitaries visiting us, like handing a Saudi prince the traditional America garb of a pair of jeans, a “I’m with Stupid” t-shirt, and a John Deere cap and seeing if he’ll put that on instead of the usual bed sheet he’s draped in?
If I were president, I would never play dress up. In fact, not only would I always wear a suit no matter where I visit, I will not talk to any foreigners unless they are wearing suits. You may call that cultural imperialism, but the fact is our culture won the culture wars and everyone needs to grow up and start bowing to that. If you try and talk to me wearing some crazy “local attire,” I will declare war on your country. If you try and make me wear some stupid outfit, I will declare extra war. So, I don’t care how poor your country is; you better scrounge up enough money to send your leaders to the men’s section at Sears if you don’t want to be destroyed by America. It’s Men’s Wearhouse or death; your choice.

Who Would Want to Assassinate Barack Obama?

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Obama supporters keep bringing up worries that someone is going to assassinate him just like Martin Luther King and John F. Kennedy because Obama is charismatic and preaches hope. Come on. MLK and JFK both had accomplishments. You actually have to do something to give someone a reason to hate and kill you. If you asked a potential assassin what he hated so much about Obama, he’d be just as stumped as Obama’s idiotic supporters when asked for an Obama accomplishment. Obama is too insubstantial to hate. It’s like hating air. Not going to happen.

Obama Stripped of Blackness, 2008 Dem Race Now Only Half-Historic

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NEW ORLEANS (AP) – After failing to attend the 2008 State of the Black Union event last Saturday in New Orleans, officials at the forum voted overwhelmingly to strip Presidential candidate Barack Obama of his blackness, forcing the unprecedentedly historic Democratic primary race to become a much less historic contest between a young white man and an old white woman.

Barack Obama with blackness (left) and without (right).

The forum’s founder, Tavis Smiley, explained why Obama’s blackness was forcibly removed. “Some people think that ‘black’ is just a skin color. While true when it comes to filling quotas, the fact is that Obama just isn’t black enough where it counts. He doesn’t rap, can’t shoot hoops, and he’s been known to break bread with whitey without saying a Grace that invokes white guilt over slavery. Besides, he didn’t show up at our forum, like a REAL black man would. Therefore we have voted to strip Obama of his blackness, victimhood, rhythm, mojo, and pimp cane.”
Former presidential candidate Joe Biden said that this would cause a major shift in his endorsement strategy. “With his blackness gone, Obama just doesn’t seem as clean, bright, and articulate as he used to. I may have to throw in with the bitter, stupid, weepy white woman now.”
For his part, Obama dismissed the significance of having his blackness removed. “I’m every bit as much an African-American as I always was. Sure, I’m only the half-black son of an East-African immigrant instead of the 100% black descendant of West-African slaves, but that’s completely irrelevant. I’ve still got a nappy head, fat nose and puffy lips! And I’m down with the street! ‘Yo, yo, my house boys, I am chilling!’ See?”
Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton, who DID show up for the SotBU event, was honorarily awarded Obama’s blackness, but quickly had it taken back from her after she failed to successfully perform that finger-waggle-neck-wobble thing while saying “oh no you di-int!”.

Picture Proof Obama Muslim!

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Aieee! Obama is a Muslim!


Obama in his usual Senate attire.

He’s going to eat our babies!
Apparently a Hillary staffer is distributing it, and Drudge helpfully provides pictures of other leaders visiting countries and wearing the local costumes. We have to stop that practice. We’re America, the powerful and awesome country there ever was, and people that don’t dress like us all look extremely stupid. Because they are stupid. Because they aren’t emulating us.
Don’t encourage them.

Why Obama Bad?

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This election could be tricky. We all know why we hate Hillary, but most of us have yet to figure out why we hate Barack Obama who is looking more and more likely to be the nominee. If someone comes up to you and says, “Obama is awesome! He’s so hopey!” how will you respond?