I like this idea: President Bush is going to fund a border fence for Mexico’s southern border. We should call this the “Keep American Illegals Mexican” bill. We only want hard-working, honest Mexican illegal immigrants, not any of those shifty, Hugo Chavez-voting Venezuelans.
Of course, I’m kidding; this is an insane idea. It’s so crazy, I think we should consider sending President Bush to Gitmo… something that won’t be possible if liberals (and John McCain) get their way and shut it down. Why will they do anything to protect President Bush?
Archive of entries posted on 12th February 2008
FYI
Now that the writer’s strike is over, here is what’s going to happen to a number of popular shows. Very important information for people like my wife and I (me and my wife? — I forget which one is grammatically correct there).
UPDATE:
My confusion on the grammar was more of an “me” versus “I” thing since I thought “like” was a special verb like “is” where “It is I” is grammatically correct and “It’s me” ain’t (well, it’s not as correct). Taking another look, though, like isn’t a verb at all and I actually have a sentence fragment. Oh well.
lolterizt! Part 34
Once again, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Geah:
From Dan:
From acrazymic:
From Joel:
From McBain:
From AlanABQ:
From badmartin:
From Erik Wit:
From Melissa:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
SOURCE NOTE: Snapped Shot – unerringly finds propagantastic photos staged by the MSM and makes my job easy.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Are Our Kids Punching Hippies?
An Editorial by Frank J.
One day when I was but a young boy, I was walking down the street with my dad to the hardware store. He suddenly stopped, crossed the street and punched a man. When he returned, I ask, “Father, why did you punch that man?”
He turned to me and said, “That’s a stupid question.” Then he punched me.
“After punching a hippie, do you take the time to explain to those around you why you punched the hippie?”
It was a stupid question, because who my dad punched was a hippie. Back then, everyone knew that you punched hippies, but I’ve noticed that this knowledge may not be being passed on to the next generation. If there’s one thing I’ve realized over the past few years is that hippies are not being punched quite enough, and I think the recent incident with Berkeley and the Marines shows the problem of not enough hippie punching. If hippies aren’t punched on a consistent basis, they get cocky and will try all sorts of crazy thing. I mean, really, hippies insulting Marines and not expecting a punching? That’s a major breakdown in our societal structure.
So what has led to this dearth in hippie punching? Breakdown in family structure? Loss of prayer in school? Increasing childhood obesity? Prevalence of non-violent videogames? Whatever the reason, I think we need to spend more time telling the next generation the importance of striking hippies in the face with a fist. No functional society has survived hippies running around unpunched, and America will be similarly doomed if we don’t change our ways.
You may say, “Well I punch hippies; I’m doing my part.” But after punching a hippie, do you take the time to explain to those around you why you punched the hippie? This may seem like a lot to do for someone who has a job and personal responsibilities — which you have since you’re not a hippie — but if even just one man hears your words of inspiration and then punches some filthy hippie, wasn’t it time well spent?
We have a war right now. Our military is overseas killing terrorists — the violent form of the hippie — so they can’t be here punching hippies for us. We have to do that ourselves. To keep this a country safe for soldiers to kill evil foreigners without hearing whiny protests, we have to make it unsafe for hippies.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such children’s books as “My First Hippie I Punched” and “Don’t Feel Sorry for Poor People”.
Long Live Conservatism!
People keep talking about the death of conservatism, but notice how all the Republicans at least claimed to be conservative. It’s like all those dictatorships that have phony elections; democracy is so popular that every country has to at least pretend to be a democracy. Same with conservatism.
On the other hand, while the Democrats will be getting a liberal as their nominee, he or she sure isn’t going to call him or herself that.
As for us true conservatives, we’re back to the underground where we work best. We hide in the shadows until we see our hippie prey and we strike! POW! Right in the dumb monkey face!
We may not have high political office, but we will be feared! Muh ha ha ha ha ha!
Obama Dooooom!
So are we really doomed if Obama is nominated? CW seems to be that he’s unbeatable despite having absolutely no accomplishments other than going for the world record on repeated use of the word “hope.” I don’t buy it. If you can get a president elected by nominating some shiny useless bauble, the parties would have exploited that long ago. Let’s see how Obama does when he finally gets put by through the wringer (and I’ll be there wringing!).
What think you?