G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave.
Clinton was quick to stop him saying, ‘No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.’
The second barber turned to Bush and said, ‘How about you?’
Bush replied, ‘Go ahead, my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.’

I would just like to say that my sweetie, SarahK, is the bestest, and you all suck in comparison to me since she is my wife.

In case you never read it or forgot, here’s the story of when we were supposed to first meet face to face and here is when we actually suceeded.

I was listening to Bill Bennett this morning, and Mark Steyn was a guest. Since it is Valentine’s Day, Steyn anyalyzed the relationship between McCain and the Conservative wing of the party in terms of the holiday. He said McCain is like the woman you’ve been married to for 30 years–you know absolutely everything there is to know about the person, and when you go out to eat, there is nothing to say because everything has been said ten times over. He could have went further, and said McCain is like the girlfriend you stick with for no good reason after she has done you wrong. In any event, that got me to thinking–in modern history which President would you send a Valentine to, and is there any relation to their ultimate success or failure.
2004 — Bush v. Kerry — Bush easily would be the one to send a Valentine to. That stiff, arrogant, gold-digging twit Kerry is not good relationship material. Say what you will about Bush, he is loyal, friendly and approachable. Unfortunately, time would prove there wasn’t a real “love connection” between Bush and the Conservative base.
2000 — Bush v. Gore — Bush wins again for some of the same reasons. Gore is a stiff to the tenth power. If there is a “real” Al Gore, I’ve never seen him. Also, he was the “best friend” of your last significant other who did you wrong.
1996 — Clinton v. Dole v. Perot — Easily Clinton. Say what you will about Clinton, he was/is a charmer–too much so as we learned after his re-election. Perot was just nutty.
1992 — Bush v. Clinton v. Perot — Bush Sr. was/is as poorly spoken as his son, but has none of the charm. Its easy to see why people would be ready for a change. Again, Perot was just nutty.
1988 — Bush v. Dukakis. Luckily for Bush Sr., the Dems ran someone even less engaging than he was. Who can forget Dukakis in that tank. What a weenie. Also, Bush, carried over a lot of that Reagan-love, due to his close association with the Gipper. We would get burned by that nostalgia as it turned out.
1984 — Reagan v. Mondale. Reagan had all of Clinton’s charm, was better looking, plus he was honest. No modern President was better boyfriend material than old Ronaldus Magnus. Stiff Mondale had absolutely no chance and got slaughtered.
1980 — Reagan v. Carter. Carter was Carter–what more can I say.
1976 — Carter v. Ford. This one is a bit of an anomaly. Ford was strong, good looking, and athletic (despite the jokes), yet lost a close one to a backwoods hick with teeth like a keyboard after a piano has rolled down a flight of stairs. I liken this one to a situation where your previous significant other has treated you so SO BADLY, that you seek out a rebound that is totally differently. That strategy never works out in the long run, and it sure didn’t in this situation.
1972. Nixon v. McGovern. McGovern was weak and soft spoken. You want to date the person who kicks sand in others’ faces, not the person who gets sand kicked in his face.
1968. Nixon v. Humphrey. I wasn’t alive back then, so I can’t really speak to why Nixon was more appealing than Humphrey. I assume he came off as strong (whereas Humphrey was touchy-feely, and came off as too weak in a time of war. Back then the Soviet Union was front and center in the minds of everyone–you kids have no idea what that was like. Humphrey also was “best friends” with the last President, so carried that additional baggage. You don’t want to date the best friend of your last significant other.
1964. Johnson v. Goldwater. Goldwater was stiff and stern, whereas Johnson was charming, strong as a bull, and carried over a lot of emotion from the assassination. It kind of reminds me of that scene in Animal House, where Otter pretends to be the boyfriend of a deceased co-ed to get her friends to go out with him. An easy victory.
1960. Kennedy v. Nixon. Nowhere is the Valentine’s Day principle more apparent than in relation to this election. Nixon was far and away the better candidate-he was tough, experienced, and well-spoken. Unfortunately, he got out-foxed by “big man on campus” Jack Kennedy. Good looks and charm beat out the good provider every day in the realm of relationships, and this was no different. Jack’s back-story had more holes than swiss cheese, but none of us knew it back then.
That brings us to today. McCain v. Clinton–I think in that race, you are dealing with the ugly sister, and her even uglier sister. In that scenario, being forced to choose, I would give my Valentine to McCain. This is kind of like elementary school, where you had to give everyone a Valentine, even those people you didn’t like. McCain would get a Valentine like that from me. McCain v. Obama–this is an easy one–Obama in a landslide. He may be lean on ideas, and his policies (to the extent he has any) border on socialism, but he is an appealing, well-spoken, good looking man. I think McCain (who himself says he is old as dirt and looks like Frankenstein) is going to get his clock cleaned if he goes up against Obama in November. Obama is the great catch you hope you can change. We’ll see.

I got quite a gem of an e-mail last night. I thought it was like Nigerian spam at first glance, but apparently I got on some crazy e-mail list. The subject is “[0war] WORLD AGAINST WAR I [London to DC (March 2008)]” and it’s just beautiful:

WORLD AGAINST WAR I
London to DC (March 15-19 2008)
-Join us for World Against War I, the antiwar protest for the people and planet.

The planet cares if we war? This is between us people; the planet should stay out of it.

We are a clandestine organization located within the United States forging an underground movement for the people.

At about this point I’m wondering if the FBI knows I got this e-mail.

We are deeply affected by the events following September 11th and the genocide in the Middle east.

No you’re not. You probably don’t know a single person in the Middle East. But nice to know you’re honest about not being affected by the events on September 11th.

Our intention is to disrupt the illegal empire and stop the war machine from functioning from the inside.

Maybe I should forward this to the FBI.

We will engage the enemy, take advantage of vulnerabilities and expose every weakness.

I think you masturbating in your parents’ basement is more probable.

We encourage the people to standup and stand strong with confidence, leadership, and continue organizing against every form of struggle.

“Organizing against every form of struggle”? You’re against struggling? Like no more open clam shell packaging?

The politicians in America will continue to wage war for glory and the pigs will not stop, until they are jailed for their crimes against humanity.

War for glory? I thought it was a war for oil. No blood for glory?

We call on all free nations of the world, to unite, in our struggle against tyranny and imperialism.

I thought the war was a struggle against tyranny and imperialism… but one that actually accomplishes something. And aren’t you against struggling?

The u$ government, International Bankers, war profiteering corporations, along with the president and his administration are guilty.

Well, no arguing with that!

In just four short years, the people of the united states has murdered over one million civilians in Iraq.

Can you prove it was us? Did the CSIs find any GSR on the people of the united states’ hands?

The parties representing the American people during the genocide, were the DEMOCRAT and REPUBLICAN Parties.

Which parties? I still can’t see. You need to use bigger caps.

The current Democrat and Republican parties that are campaigning for President were DIRECTLY involved in these Crimes Against Peace and will continue using the imperial doctrine.

Well it’s nice to know that bipartisanship is still alive and well.

The military war machine continues to feed off the blood of the innocent ruled by the wealthy elite majority.

I think you’re trying to shove a little too many concepts into each sentence.

They are now continuing to spread more lies about other countries, breeding hate for the next targets for preemptive invasion.

The other day they told me that Liechtenstein is a very large country.

The American media networks are also guilty of war crimes and crimes against humanity for their involvement in using advanced propaganda techniques against the American people.

Advanced propaganda techniques? Those guys barely understand blogging.

America’s dignity and long standing history has been destroyed forever and the people will continue to struggle.

And we have to stop struggles!

We must demand an International tribunal for the entire federal government, media organizations, and all those who participated in these war crimes.

I demand cheesy fries. We should both get used to disappointment.

Rebel States must consider separation from the union to save itself from slavery by the Federal Reserve dollar.

Ron Paul? Is that you?

We the people must use every resource available to save mankind from American politicians and special interest war profiteering corporations who will continue to lobby war for profit with the blood of innocent children.

Dude, you have to break things like this up into multiple sentences. I can’t even follow it. You’re saving who from what now? Who is profiting off of children blood? If I have some children blood to sell, who should I talk to?

Join us for…
WORLD AGAINST WAR I
MARCH 15-19 2008

I’ll be with you in spirit.

jim and the CHANGE team
WE WILL NEVER FORGET, WE WILL NEVER FORGIVE

WE WILL NEVER GET LAID

this message has been sponsored by 0War & LOOSE CHANGE
http://loose-change-911.com

Those crazy twoofers. What conspiracy will they dream up next?

TRANSLATE
http://www.google.com/language_tools?hl=en

I think this message will lose a lot of its subtleties in Hungarian.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY…thanks

PLEASE FORWARD THIS BLOG POST TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY… thanks