Field Marshal Herring announces Germans to blast fish into space
UPDATE: improvements via bunkerboy and FMH
Archive of entries posted on 11th February 2008
Just So You Know
The same people who conspired to blow up the WTC and blame it on Saudis to get in a war with Iraq are now plotting to take Ron Paul’s congressional seat. We can’t let this stand!
I’ll Take One When They Have an iPhone Version
FOX News had a story today trying to scare people about the existence of a gun disguised as a cell phone. There have been no reports of these in America (nonetheless killed by them), yet they were trying to play up a four-shot .22 like its a national security threat.
First off, why conceal in a cell phone four dinky .22s more likely to wound than kill (and you might as well use a knife at the range its effective) when you can just as easily conceal an actual gun under your coat? I guess the threat is that maybe this gun can make it past security and onto an airplane, but do you think a terrorist can really control a plane full of angry passengers by pointing at cellphone at them?
This is a novelty, not a threat. I can’t see anyone other than harmless gun nuts wanting one (BTW, I’ll take one).n At least it demonstrates the folly of trying to ban guns by showing how easy it is to make one. Basically, if you have something to hold a bullet and something to strike a bullet, you have a gun.
Stupid Liberal Bush Administration
They’re actually charging terrorists at Gitmo?! Like they’re actual people?!
What BusHitler should do is just march all the terrorists out in front of the press and then just shoot them all. And shoot the press. Then people would know that Bush’s terrorist-oppressing dictatorship is supreme.
Frank Suggestions for a McCain Running Mate
I think it’s time to start focusing on McCain being our nominee (and get back to ignoring Mike Huckabee), and that means thinking about a running mate for him. I know none of us are thrilled with McCain, but a good running mate could make his candidacy much more excitement. Here are my ideas:
FRANK SUGGESTIONS FOR A MCCAIN RUNNING MATE
* Newt Gingrinch: That guy is smart. No one knows conservatism better than him. Then again, McCain will probably just use that knowledge to better screw conservatives.
* John Bolton: A guy with a ‘stache like that doesn’t take any crap. Other countries hate him, and that’s why we love him. He’d be a nice choice just for watching all the hippies squeal in anger.
* Fred Thompson: That would just be so awesome. I might actually like McCain if he has Fred Thompson as a running mate. Also, you can be sure that America’s enemies will be looking out for McCain’s health because the last thing they would want is something to happen to him and leaving Fred Thompson in charge.
* Mr. T: I know I suggest Mr. T for everything, but he’s awesome. I pity the fool who doesn’t like Mr. T.
* A Ninja: We were used to the VP being unseen most of the time, so why not someone who hides in the shadows waiting to strike. Plus, he’s already in an undisclosed location… right behind you!
* Fear: The Constitution is kinda confusing (they use s’s that look like f’s in it; no wonder we need nine old lawyers to tell us what it means), but does the vice president have to be a person? Does he even have to be a physical entity? Can it just be a concept? I think it would be perfect for a Republican to run with Fear as his running mate. If you don’t like Fear, how about Death?
* Fire: In a compromise between something physical and an intangible concept, how about fire as a running mate? It would be so awesome to see McCain going around the campaign trail followed by fire. Of course, if something happens to McCain and fire has to take office in the White House, it will be 1814 all over again.
* A Robot with Gatling Guns for Arms: Do I really have to explain this one? BTW, its eyes should glow red.
Vote or Don’t
It would be kinda cool if McCain loses to Obama because of the youth vote, because then he can say this is as his concession speech:
It’s Pretty Black or White (No Racism Intended)
In Wisconsin, they’re running radio spots for Obama where some hippie gushes that they’re voting for Obama because “he’ll stop the war in Iraq”.
Not “win” or “lose”… “stop”.
Friends, there’s only two ways to “stop” a war – like Truman stopped Japan, or like Nixon stopped Vietnam.
On this issue, I vote for the Democrat.