Then world has turned upside down. I’m having to take sides with Ellen Degeneres.

I remember when she was an up and coming comedian (comedienne?), and thought she was okay. She was no Jeff Dunham, but she was alright. But I never thought she was more than alright.

When she got her own TV show back in the ’90s, I checked it out, but didn’t stay with it. It was a sitcom called “These Friends of Mine” and her character worked at a book store. I think she later bought it and they re-titled the show “Ellen” but I had stopped watching it by then; it wasn’t that good of a show.

And, that’s the show where she came out. Apparently, viewers of the show were the last people on Earth to know she was a homosexual. I mean, it really was kinda obvious, right? So, why it was a big deal at the time, I still don’t understand.

Anyway, she’s now the poster boy (so to speak) for lesbians or gays or something. And, she’s the 2010s version of Billy Crystal or Johnny Carson, in that she’s the go-to guy (so to speak) for the Academy Awards.

From what I can tell, it seems the Academy Awards had a TV special recently where they gave out this year’s Oscars. It wasn’t on Hulu Plus or Amazon Prime, so I didn’t see it. But, I read about it. And, I read that a bunch of people were getting their panties in a wad over some joke Ellen told.

Now, as I said, she’s a comedian of moderate talent, and some jokes work, and some jokes don’t. Here’s the one that people didn’t like the most.

“Hello to the best Liza Minnelli impersonator I’ve ever seen,” she said — to Minnelli herself. “Good job, sir.”

Now, that’s funny. There are a lot of Liza Minnelli impersonators out there. More than there are Judy Garland impersonators (go figure). Or Elvis. And, most of them are men.

But some people are getting all hot and bothered by it, calling Ellen transphobic (whatever the heck that is) and mean (what?). (Tip: Chicks on the Right)

For Pete’s sake, it was a joke. Not a great joke, but a good one. But I am angry about it.

I’m having to defend Ellen Degeneres. That’s how nuts the Politically Correct crowd is. In case you didn’t already know.

Liberals (or “progressives” for those that think that moniker disguises their ill-thought philosophy) in America must really be thankful that this next item is happening in Canada, and not here in the U.S.

Liberals have a way of supporting certain people for specific reasons without having to put any thought into it. For instance, if someone is gay, then they’re automatically worthy of praise. If someone is a Moslem, that person is in the right all the time. And, of course, if someone is a liberal politician, they can drive an Oldsmobile off a bridge and leave a woman underwater to die and be a hero. There’s no thought involved. If they are one of you, or one of your pet causes — maybe they think of them as pets? — you automatically support them, damn the facts of the situation. No thought necessary.

There’s a situation the Canadians are having to deal with up in Toronto that would drive a liberal nuts. Well, liberals are already nuts, so, more nuts. Seems a lesbian walked into a Moslem barber shop and asked for a haircut:

Shop co-owner Omar Mahrouk told her his Muslim faith prohibits him from touching a woman who is not a member of his family. All the other barbers said the same thing.

Now, she’s filed a complaint with some rights commission or whatever it is the Canadians have up there in Canadia. They’ll end up doing some Canadian thing, and it will probably be stupid unless it involves hockey, beer, and a moose. If they resolved it with hockey, beer, and a moose, that would be awesome.

I’m just waiting on something like this to happen here in the U.S. Imagine the situation liberals would be in. They’d have to pick a side. They’d have to think about it. And, goodness knows, liberals don’t have the capacity to think.

Then, again, maybe we could go one better than the Canadians. What do you think would be an even better situation to happen here in the U.S.? One that would involve two of liberals’ pets going at each other? What story would you like to see happen?

I saw an article on the Internets that said that Piers Morgan was leaving his show on CNN. That brings up some questions.

First, what’s CNN? Are they still around?

Next, isn’t Piers Morgan the guy from The Apprentice?

Who gave him a TV show on something that pretends to be a news network?

Did Frank J’s recent absence from IMAO mean that he’s behind the sacking of Piers Morgan?

If anyone knows the answer to these questions, well, it’s okay. You don’t have to leave the answers here. It just means you know more about CNN than whoever is running things there now.

But, this apparently means that CNN has an opening. So, who should take the job? Not who will, because that will, in all likelihood be some foreigner, or some left-wing idiot. Or, they’ll rehire Piers Morgan and get two-for-one.

So, again, who should get the job at CNN?

A report from ABC News says there’s a proposal in California to split the state into six separate states. It recently got the green light from the state’s Secretary of State.

Now, will it go anywhere? Probably not. But should it?

On the one hand, the idea of six Californias is scary. One is plenty bad enough. But six?

On the other hand, the thought of taking an axe to that state and cutting it into small pieces is attractive.

Okay, some of you may live in California, and not appreciate either sentiment. But really, it’s your own fault for living there. There are 49 other states, some of them that actually don’t suck, that you could live in. Or, you could stay there and actually do take it from the crazy liberals that are running the shoe. But, you’ve done neither. So, when people trash California, you gotta take some of the blame.

Anyway, breaking up California. Crazy idea?

It’s been done before. Kind of. Maine was actually part of Massachusetts until 1820. Go look it up.

West Virginia was the part of Virginia that didn’t secede during the War Between The States. It was given its own status as a state 1863.

So, yeah, breaking a state up has been done before. But still, should California be broken up? Or should other states be broken up?

I won’t be broken up about it. What about you? What do you think?

People are stupid.

No, not every person is stupid. I’m not. You’re not. But if you’re at work or school or some other place around a bunch of other folks, look around. A lot of the people you’re looking at are stupid. And, some of your relatives? They’re stupid too. I know some of mine are.

How stupid are people?

Well, according to a survey conducted by the National Science Foundation, around one in four Americans don’t think the Earth revolves around the Sun. Okay, you know and I know that actually, they both revolve around the barycenter of the Sun-Earth pair. But, that point is practically the center of the Sun. So, yeah, for all practical purposes, the Earth revolves around the Sun.

Of course, if you look a little deeper at the survey results, you’ll see this:

Generally, U.S. residents showed a knowledge of science comparable to those of other countries with high levels of education, including Japan, the European Union and South Korea, the NSF said. In fact, they did better than EU residents on the question about whether Earth moves around the sun.

That’s not good news for America, though. It’s simply bad news for the rest of the world. The rest of the world has stupid people in it, too.

But, I don’t really care much that other countries have stupid people. They have kings and prime ministers and want the government to take care of them because they’re incompetent, and stupid to boot.

What bothers me is that we have so many stupid people in the U.S. But we do. Having a hard time believing that? Well, consider that Americans voted for Barack Obama. Twice. The stupid is strong in this country.

Sheila Crabtree is no longer. But she is Sexy.

According to the Columbus Dispatch — from that fake Columbus in Ohio, not the real Columbus in Georgia — Sheila Crabtree hated her name — the “Sheila” part, not the “Crabtree” part — so she had it changed. And, her new first name is “Sexy,” after a judge in Licking County, Ohio granted her request.

Why “Sexy?” Well, she explained:

“I wear Victoria’s Secret clothes all the time,” said Crabtree, who doesn’t want you to know how old she is. “I was like, ‘Shoot, I’ll just go for Sexy.’”

So, having the name “Sexy” makes her sexy? Sad news for you ma’am. If you weren’t sexy before, you won’t be sexy afterwards, no matter what your driver’s license says.

I’m worried, though, that others may follow her lead, and change their name to something they desperately want to be, but aren’t. For instance, I fully expect Barack Obama to change his name to Really Smart Guy. Because if anything says the opposite of really smart, it’s Barack.

Maybe MSNBC will change its name to TheNetworkEveryoneWatches.

Or the Winter Olympics to ThingsThatAreActuallyInterestingToWatch.

Or the 12-member Big Ten Conference to WeReallyDoKnowHowToCount Conference.

Or the 10-member Big Twelve Conference to the WeWillHaveTwelveMembersAgainOneDayMaybe Conference.

Apple could change its name to WeAreNotJustForDouchebags.

Microsoft could become BlueScreenOfDeathNeverHeardOfIt.

I wonder where else this trend might lead.

A report from Germany says that cows blew up a shed at a farm in Rasdorf.

Really:

Methane gas from 90 flatulent cows exploded in a German farm shed on Monday, damaging the roof and injuring one of the animals, police said.

Why were cows collecting the gas? What do they have in mind? Are they plotting against us? Did we dodge a bullet here, and the cows tip their hand by accidentally blowing themselves up?

Here in the US, cows are best known as advertising icons for a chicken restaurant. Well, that and giving milk. And…

Oh. Yeah. Hamburgers.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe they don’t like being in sammiches. So, why are they collecting their farts to blow things up in Germany? Well, what’s the most famous sammich in which you’ll find cow parts? That’s right. Hamburgers. And where is Hamburg? Yep, in Germany.

So, what do we do? Nothing. The hamburger was actually invented in the US, not in Germany. Stupid cows don’t have any idea what they’re doing.

I’m not saying it’s okay that cows are blowing things up in Germany. I’m saying that the Germans got it under control. They don’t need out help. If any country knows how to wage war on a group, it’s Germany. That’s why the terrorists don’t attack them.

You heard about the data breach at Target. Then, the one at Neiman-Marcus. But now, Coca-Cola has been hacked.

Think about that for a minute. You might have Coca-Cola in your refrigerator. Which means there’s hackers in your house. Or your Westinghouse!

And, if you don’t, there’s still the chance you’ve ordered a Coke at a drive-thru. That means you ended up with a Quarter Pounder, Large Fries, and Russian Hacker in the bag.

Hit the break room at work? Put a dollar in the machine, and it dispenses a security threat in a 20-oz bottle.

There’s no hiding any more. Hackers are in your wallet, on your Facebook and Google machine, and now in your soft drinks.

The only place they haven’t hacked is your bathroom. When that happens, it’s really going to hit the fan.

I saw a report in The Times of India’s business section that iPhones sales in that country are slow, and Apple is looking to improve sales by bringing back the iPhone 4.

In case you forgot, or just didn’t know to begin with, the current iPhone, the iPhone 5s, is the 7th generation of the iPhone. That makes the 4th generation iPhone 4 really old in the smartphone world.

But, in poorer locations, you’re less likely to have people buying a $649 smartphone — that’s the price of an iPhone 5s without a carrier subsidy. In Third World countries like India, Apple doesn’t sell a lot of their higher-priced phones. So what are they going to do? Well, I told you already: they’re bringing back the iPhone 4. Pay attention.

Only…

There’s an aspect of the story missing. Guess where else you can buy an iPhone 4? Walmart. Really.

The iPhone 4 is one of the phones you can get as part of their Straight Talk no-contract service.

Which means India just got downgraded to Walmart status. Is it any wonder other countries hate us?

I saw a report that the producer of Girls went on a tirade when asked about nudity on his show.

Hey, nudity. That’s always good for a laugh. So, I clicked the link and read the story. When I was done, I knew less than I did when I started.

First, what’s Girls? I mean, I know what girls are; I’ve even helped produce one. But, apparently, Girls is a TV show on HBO. Now, if I had cable, maybe I’d know more about what’s going on. But I’m kinda thinking not. I used to have cable, but didn’t subscribe to HBO. And, a long time ago, when I did subscribe to HBO, I found that I rarely watched it, which is why I dropped HBO. And, later, dropped cable.

But, here’s what I can tell you. It’s a TV show on HBO. That’s pretty much it.

I looked into it a little bit, and best as I can tell, it’s set in the largest melting pot of America and is about four white, heterosexual women. Like Sex in the City, but not because, well, it’s just not. Lena Dunham is the star.

I know, “who is Lena Dunham?” I don’t know. Some liberal feminist chick who who wants to promote diversity and same-sex marriage by starring in a show about four white, heterosexual women. And, she apparently walks around naked in the TV show a lot. Having never seen the show, I can’t vouch for this. But, apparently, she walks around enough for a reporter to ask about it and the producer to go nuts about the question.

Apparently, seeing Lena Dunham naked is enough to cause people to want to watch the show. Which is silly, because the Internet is crawling with pictures of Lena Dunham naked. No, I’m not gonna give you a link. If you know how to use The Google, though, you won’t have any problem. But, let me offer this warning: those pictures of Lena Dunham naked? They look like Lena Dunham. Only without clothes.

You have been warned.

Anyway, she’s apparently somebody, and when someone else gets his panties in a wad about a question about her, it’s news.

It’s days like these when I’m searching the skies, hoping to see a meteor headed this way.