In the GMail

Posted on November 25, 2009 1:02 pm

Obama wrote me back to my e-mail from the other day:


I know change is scary and confusing, but that doesn’t mean you should direct all your cracker rage at me. I’m sorry you had plans for your money, but we don’t all get what we want. What’s more important is that I get what I want which is what the country needs. We all other than me have to make sacrifices. And I borrowed your golf clubs.

President Obama

Graaah! What a jerk! Here’s what I wrote back:


YOU’RE THE CRACKER!!! You don’t have any plans! You don’t even know what’s in those bills! And you don’t get what you want, which is to not suck so much! What this country needs is for you to announce to everyone, “I’m a stupid dummy dumb.” And then you should resign and get a job more to your skill level like Walmart greeter.

And you should have asked before taking my golf clubs! I need those to control the local squirrel population!

-Frank J.

I told him good. Hopefully he’ll resign now and return my clubs.

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15 Responses to “In the GMail”

  1. MDr says:


    Red Velvet cake would have been more apt, unless you misspelled Quacker.

  2. Jimmy says:

    Can you imagine him greeting Walmart customers with that pious, preaching, ghetto-pulpit voice of his?

    Obama: “Hi. WELcome to WALmart, folks”

    Walter: “Get your sh!t and get out.”

    (Kind of a Jeff Dunham role reversal kind of thing…)

  3. Rickur says:

    We control squirrels in Texas with the ol’ trusty fully automatic AR-15 and smuggled in AK’s. They are a good investment down here…know whut I mean?

  4. Plentyobailouts says:

    Isn’t Wal Mart greeter above his paygrade?

  5. MarkoMancuso says:

    Frank? A golfer?

    Learn something new everyday.

  6. Plentyobailouts says:

    License to kill golphers by the government of the united nations.
    Theryr’e varmits.
    theyr’e like the kong.
    Varmit kong.

  7. Ron Rockstar says:

    Those golf clubs are history Frank. They will show up on Chicago Craigslist as honky-whuppin sticks.

  8. Guffy Conservative says:

    Frank, what the heck is wrong with you? Obama may be the worst president we’ve ever had, but if he resigns, Biden will outlaw confined spaces! What will happen to your secret squirrel torture chamber then?

  9. IH8Socialist says:

    Man Frank that Barry sure is a prick for messing with your stuff. I’m sure he’ll pawn those golf clubs so he can go buy some crack.

  10. Morgan K Freeberg says:

    Wow. Wasn’t too long ago I was working with a bunch of people who thought I should be a Wal Mart greeter. I’m somewhat offended by this, Frank.

  11. shiggz says:


    That new Jeff Dunham show has been a lot funnier then expected. Now and then i roll my eyes but sometimes i spit up fluids they may be spinal fluids im not sure thats normal maybe i should get thasdfasdfuiwefnbalwe;jklfjf

  12. Son of Bob says:

    Perhaps it’s time you were reminded about the old adage about arguing with an idiot.

  13. Live Free Or Die says:

    For those of us that are GMail clueless, does your correspondence first go to a central location called the G-Spot?
    What does that ‘kthxbai’ stand for? Pretty sure it doesn’t mean hugs and kisses.

    A Havahart trap and a drowning tank is a much more effective means of controlling the squirrel population. Just make sure to bury the bodies deep enough, so that your dog doesn’t dig them up again.

    Why would you want to spoil our Wal-Mart shopping experience that way, Frank?

  14. Deafdog says:

    Yeah, I roomed with Barry for a semester at Occidental College. He was always stealing my crackers, too, the mooch.

  15. Erica says:

    Are you sick of Obama yet? Would you like to see him legally ousted before 2012? Yes, it can be done, and these graphics illustrate the process. Do you know anyone who qualifies as an “interested” or “third” person as described in the graphics?

    3 Graphics: Quo Warranto Process to Remove Obama

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