Nuke It

If dumping mud on it is 'Top Kill', what do you call this?

I don’t know how many things you have to try before you resort to nuking things, but its seems like we’re about there with the oil spill. Everyone expects Obama to do something about the oil leak, but he doesn’t know what to do. Right now he’s just curled up under his desk crying, trying to hide from everyone yelling at him.

So I’m going to tell him what to do: Nuke it.

Is there anything more presidential than nuking stuff? It is an option only the federal government has, showing why it’s great idea the Obama administration took things over. And who could criticize him? Not the right — not after he just nuked something. So there is really no downside to this — except perhaps the maybe 12% chance of things going horribly horribly wrong.

So Obama should just give a speech saying, “You have asked me to end the leak, so I will… using PRESIDENTIAL ATOMIC POWERS! No oil is a match for me, Obama, and my nuclear arsenal! And I say to all of America’s enemies, be as bothersome as an oil leak and you are next!” Then Obama should have a big red button next to him to activate the nuke which he should dramatically smash with his fist.

BOOM! Oil leak fixed!

You’d have to admit that would be awesome. I bet he’d get at least an eight point bump in the polls.

So why won’t Obama do it? Because he’s a little sissy girl. Sissy sissy girl. Prances around in a pretty dress.

Uh-oh, Obama! People on a blog are calling you a sissy girl! What are you going to do about it? I know: Nuke stuff!

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19 Comments

  1. Prances around in a pretty dress.

    Minces down a flight of airplane steps shaking his fingers like he’s in a hurry for his nails to dry.

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  2. A pretty picture?

    Frank, you’re probably right about the +8. But that scares me – ObeWonObama turning over a new leaf nuke.

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  3. I remember my early childhood. My cousin and I would play with toy tanks and try to make machine gun sounds! Bang bang bang! Bang! Bang! You’re dead, Hitler! Bang! Bang! My cousin’s sister would play with dolls and she would yell for my Mom when my cousin and I ran over her dolls with our tanks.

    I hate girls!

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  4. Nuking stuff just doesn’t sound like the sort of thing that a guy famous for voting “present” would do.

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  5. Knowing Obama’s propensity to scew up everything he touches, his nuke won’t do it. A nuke would be cool and all that, but Teh One can’t tell the differance between a door and a window and a bucket. It would be like that scene in the “War of the Worlds” (the real one, not that Tom Cruise piece of silvery-greeny crap) when the atom bomb is dropped on the Martians, and the soldiers watching through binoculars say” I can’t see through all the smoke and dust. No. Wait. There’s movement. They survived!! The Martians survived!” Only it will be the oil slick coming through, not Martians.

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  6. Frank, I am proud of you, coming out with a strong reason to let loose some nukulur whupass. Unfortunately, that dweeb, Daniel Foster at National Review Online, is getting all the pub, including a ringinig denunciation of the idea in the PuffingtonHost and NY Times. Where’s the outrage you deserve?

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  7. What if the exploding nuke awakens an unimaginable horror like the kraken? Even the US Navy would have a hard time fighting off a radioactive kraken.

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  8. The only way to get Obama to nuke the hole would be to convince him that this is exactly what the public doesn’t want. Unfortunately, that will cause him to conduct a speaking tour so he can convince us that this is actually what we would want if we were as smart as he is.

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  9. Obama should have called in Popeye The Sailor Man right away. What would it have cost, a few cans of spinach? Cheap. Then Popeye would have shoved Blutto into the hole and no more leak.

    “I’m strong to the finnish, ’cause I eats me spinach,
    I’m Popeye The Sailorman! Toot toot!”

    If he couldn’t find Popeye then he should have called in Fred Thompson. Just a stern stare from Fred and that leak would have been history, man!

    Now you see why I should be in charge?

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  10. Obama should have called in Popeye The Sailor Man right away. What would it have cost, a few cans of spinach? Cheap. Then Popeye would have shoved Blutto into the hole and no more leak.

    “I’m strong to the finish, ’cause I eats me spinach,
    I’m Popeye The Sailorman! Toot toot!”

    If he couldn’t find Popeye then he should have called in Fred Thompson. Just a stern stare from Fred and that leak would have been history, man!

    Now you see why I should be in charge?

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  11. The communists Russians are the ones who suggested it, you’d think that would be all he needs.
    Oh that’s right, he’s still pretending he isn’t one…..and some people even believe it.
    They could at least MOAB it.

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  12. Judging by their past rate of success in actual accomplishments (as opposed to writing lengthy documents that no one could understand if they tried to read them) the obama administration should NOT be allowed to handle a nuclear weapon. I predict a misfire which will pop Rhode Island loose and place it into orbit around Uranus. – It’s a blue state, so it won’t be missed, and maybe it’ll give Massachusetts a good scare.

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  13. If he were to do it, he’d do it wrong.
    If someone else were to do it, once he endorsed it it would fail.
    Best not to let the 48 year old that never held a real job near nukes.

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  14. You prolly know by now Betelgeuse (in the Orion constellation) is expected to go nova really really really soon. With that, expect O and the Goracle to try to make comebacks. Look children! A mysterious light in the sky! And it’s shitting Skittles!

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