So I’m going to tell him what to do: Nuke it.
Is there anything more presidential than nuking stuff? It is an option only the federal government has, showing why it’s great idea the Obama administration took things over. And who could criticize him? Not the right — not after he just nuked something. So there is really no downside to this — except perhaps the maybe 12% chance of things going horribly horribly wrong.
So Obama should just give a speech saying, “You have asked me to end the leak, so I will… using PRESIDENTIAL ATOMIC POWERS! No oil is a match for me, Obama, and my nuclear arsenal! And I say to all of America’s enemies, be as bothersome as an oil leak and you are next!” Then Obama should have a big red button next to him to activate the nuke which he should dramatically smash with his fist.
BOOM! Oil leak fixed!
You’d have to admit that would be awesome. I bet he’d get at least an eight point bump in the polls.
So why won’t Obama do it? Because he’s a little sissy girl. Sissy sissy girl. Prances around in a pretty dress.
Uh-oh, Obama! People on a blog are calling you a sissy girl! What are you going to do about it? I know: Nuke stuff!