Nuke the News: Stop Giving Moron Kids Giant Loans

* Obama and Romney have been going on about student loans lately. Apparently we’re in a crisis with those. Obama says he only paid his off eight years ago (I finally paid mine off last year). It does seem like an idiotic situation we’re in, but since it seems to be mainly a government made problem, I’m not sure how more government is going to help.

Let’s say someone goes to a bank and says, “Hey, I’m an idiotic eighteen-year-old. Want to give me a hundred thousand dollar loan?” The bank would send out the security to beat the teenager with sticks and everyone would end up the better for it. But instead, we have the government guaranteeing those idiotic loans so they get made anyway. It’s supposed to be we’re investing in our kids education, but as you can see from the college grads in Occupy Wall Street, mutual funds would be a much better investment. How about we stop this crisis by doing the logical thing and not giving moron teenagers the ability to go deeply into debt since most sensible banks would never give them that money in the first place without meddlesome government intervention?

* Gingrich is thinking about suspending his campaign. Probably with the combination of landslide losses, being deeply in debt, and pretty much everyone ignoring that the primary is still going on, he’s thinking maybe he won’t win the nomination. That guy has a mind like a steel trap.

* It looks like Romney’s strategy will be to portray Obama as a nice guy who is in over his head as president. So I guess Romney isn’t going to talk about how Obama is a dog-eating son of a polygamist who launched his political career from a terrorist’s house and who’s spiritual adviser is a crazed, racist conspiracy theorist. Instead, Romney is just going to focus on how horrible Obama has been at absolutely everything as president. Seems like a good strategy.

Personally, I’ll probably focus a bit on the dog-eating, though.

* The Supreme Court is hearing arguments over the Arizona immigration law. The federals government under Obama wants to not enforce its laws and thinks that supersedes the states’ rights to enforce them. Let’s just feel lucky we don’t have a more liberal court or they’d probably just rule borders as racist and illegal.

* My favorite comic, Axe Cop, is going to be made into a TV show for FOX. In these trying times, what our nation needs is a no-nonsense cop with an axe.

So are they going to have the now eight-year-old Malachai Nicolle actually write the series? I don’t think any adult will be able to quite recreate his creative genius. Children are just better at creativity; we eventually put limits on our own thinking as we grow older and slowly lose that ability. Not me, though, because I’m awesome (and as proof I’m awesome, I have a parodying drawing of the cover of my book by Axe Cop artist Ethan Nicolle).

UPDATE: linked by Darth Chipmunk

UPDATE: linked by Liberal Whoppers

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  1. Pingback: College Loan Burden: Problem Solved | Darth Chipmunk

  2. So I guess Romney isn’t going to talk about how Obama is a dog-eating son of a polygamist …

    Well let’s face it – Romney bringing up ancestoral polygamy is like Obama discussing animal abuse.

    [I brought it up because Obama’s surrogates have started mentioning polygamy in Romney’s background (though it’s his great-grandfather and not his father). -Ed.]


  3. By working throughout my college and grad school years, I managed to snag a JD from a top-five law school with only $5,000 total in student debt upon graduation (and I was deeply chagrined about that). Yes, I sometimes had to take fewer classes and started my career a few years later than most law school grads, but I also did not owe anyone five years’ salary when just starting my career. I paid off my loan about 15 years sooner than my friends and colleagues.


  4. @SoB: Yes, we have laws that punish people who take money and don’t give it back. We don’t have a way to get the money back, though. It currently costs more to maintain an inmate for a year in a state prison (federal ones cost more) than it does to send a student to an Ivy League college for a year.


  5. Elle T., the problem then, is two-fold. Firstly, inmates are treated far too kindly. Secondly, government subsidized student loans will continue to drive up the price of higher education, making the difference in cost to the taxpayer negligible.

    Funniest exchange in SCOTUS immigration arguments – Obama lawyer argues the Fed has limited resources and therefore has the power to limit the number of illegal immigrants reported. Liberal, hispanic, Obama-appointed Justice (and self-described ‘wise latina’) Sonia Sotomayer retorts, “I’m terribly confused by your answer.”


  6. Hello dear my name is Evelyn am from U.S Texas . i feel very sorry in your situation i am once in a situation like this until a friend introduce me to a God send loan lender Mr. Musa Jemi. who help me with a loan of of $50,000USD. withing 48 hours without a credit check or stress. which am using for my little business now. if you are in need of a loan you can contact him via email. at ( and tell him that Evelyn introduce him to you.



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