(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
Lacking any fresh mud with which to smear the Bush administration, the “unbiased” media is re-hashing old accusations of President Bush lying about WMD.
Ok, so maybe those two trailers they found in May of ’03 weren’t “mobile biological weapons labs”, but I have a hard time believing the claims that they were used to “produce hydrogen for weather balloons”. Why would Iraq need weather balloons? Does the weather report ever change over there?
“Today will be incredibly freakin’ hot with a [random number] percent chance of sandstorms. After sunset, your camel will freeze his hump off”.
Anyway, here are my half-baked lunatic theories on what those trailers were ACTUALLY used for:
- Mobile helium production facilities – Those goofy terrorists just love inhaling balloon gas and yelling “Durka! Durka! Jihad! Jihad!” in a funny Mickey Mouse voice.
- Coyote trailers – Just in case any Mexicans felt like sneaking across the border into Iraq to steal jobs from hard-working Islamofascists.
- Super secret Death Star Control Platform – SHHHHH! Secret! You no tell!
- Scott McClellan’s retirement home – Needed something big enough so that his chubby ass wouldn’t get stuck in the doorway.
- It’s where Michelle Malkin goes to strangle kittens with piano wire and/or mince them into brownies – Think of it as Camp David for MegaBloggers.
- It’s where Glenn Reynolds goes to… aw, YOU know…
- Stolen oil storage facility – Since they only found 2 of them, President Bush wasn’t able to steal NEARLY as much oil as originally planned.
- He was warned about this by numerous retired generals, but did he listen? NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!
- Originally designed as a Stupid Hippy Human Shield Transportation Device – Driven only once. Still can’t get the smell out.
- Production facilities for Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream – Now you know where their delicious “Caramel Camel” and “Go Pound Sandies” flavors come from.
I was going to mention that they were also on Rumsfeld’s “Things That Need A Good Nukin'” list, but – let’s be honest – what isn’t?
Speaking of nukes, we need a good old fashioned nuclear test here sometime. Go demolish another small, unimportant Pacific island. Remind them all who we are and what we can do.
(First!)
Because of how evil the amerinazis have made America, Jesus Christ has removed His blessing. Can’t you tell? http://www.deanberryministries.org/index3.html
//Why would Iraq need weather balloons? Does the weather report ever change over there? //
I smell the stink of the “global warming” conspiracy. Saddam was trying to create “proof” that the Earth is warming. This is why the envirolibs are so pissed off about him being deposed, I bet he had promised them a buttload of financial support if they could hinder the invasion.
“State of Fear” is a rocking cool book so far, by the way.
DEANGLEBERRY?