You have question and I have answers. It’s like we were meant to be together.
Chris S. asks:
Can a normal sized mouse beat up a small bird (e.g. a blue jay)?
Have a little pride in you own Class, man. When you have Mammalia versus Aves or whatever, bet on the Mammalia.
If you ever watched a mouse fight a blue jay, the way it usually works is the mouse will surprise the bird by jumping on its back, knocking the blue jay to the ground. The mouse will then slam the bird’s head over and over into the pavement until there’s nothing left but blood and feathers.
Mice can be vicious if they’re not taking their meds.
Scott R asks:
Does your dog bite?
My pit-bull mix Rowdi doesn’t bite. She hugs… with her mouth.
Brian the Adequate asks:
Will you (unlike a certain Duck we know) actually answer these questions? Will you ever force the Duck to do the same?
I’ll answer some questions. I may know all, but I don’t have time to tell all. As for Ducky, Ducky does what Ducky wants to do. If I try to force him into something, he may get violent. Not necessarily against me, but he will harm people.
Don’t taunt the Duck.
QUINN asks:
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?
All of it. A Chuck Norris woodchuck would chuck all wood with a single roundhouse kick, and forever after there would be no more chucking of wood… by woodchucks or any others.
Laurence Simon asks:
Ever punched a head of lettuce?
Of course. I’m not actually sure what other use there is for a head of lettuce. I hear some people use them to make “salads”, but what “those kind of people” do in the privacy of their own homes is no business of mine.
Francesco Poli writes:
If I ask nicely, will you petition the US government to bomb the Communist HQ here in Italy?
You don’t even have to ask nicely. Just mention the words “Communist” and “headquarters”, and I’ll soon be calling my Congressman telling him what I want bombed if he wants to count on my vote.
spacemonkey writes:
If questions were doughnuts…or raisins… ok, I don’t have a question.
You just wasted my time, spacemonkey. Time to dock your pay again.
Well, sons of whores, that’s all the wisdom you get for now. I have a big backlog of questions, but, if you want to ask some more, just put them in the comments.
Sons of whores? That’s a bit harsh. Have you converted to Islam recently?
What about a mouse vs. RightWingDuck?
If I were to become unemployed, why is it so hard for me to get unemployment or welfare, but some illegal who just walked across the border (due to Border Patrol incompetence or lack of care) can walk right in and get a check? My follow up question is why do I even pay taxes?
If Two is by land, What if by Sea?
why is a carrot oranger than an orange. also, how much wood could chuck upchuck if chuck could upchuck wood?
If Janet Reno was found to be “involved” with a heterosexual male would the rules of Occam’s Razor apply, or would this indicate a tear in the space-time continuum has occurred?
Also, any ideas as to how to get the smell of old woman off of you?
P.S. Diesel and SOS pads don’t do the trick.
I had a follow up to the chuck norris chucking question.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris, armed with num-chucks?
Bah! This one has plagued my research staff since we defoliated our entire rainforest…
What is the square root of a pine tree?
Coke or Pepsi? Don’t you dare say Coke, Frank!!!!
Since the earth is like a giant electro-magnet having a massive magnetic field, couldn’t we have a satellite system constantly passing through that field to generate electricity, much like a huge generator & thereby also establish perpetual motion?
If two women came to you…both claiming to be the mother of the same baby, how would you resolve the conflict?
Who’s on first?
FrankJ: I wonder wonder who whoppado oh do, who, who wrote the book of love?
FrankJ:
What can I use to cleanse my brain of the abomination planted there by coleman63? Opening my skull and scrubbing with Oxyclean ain’t cutting it.
Which is the least annoying of the Owens brothers, Tom Green or the other one?
That should be Wilson brothers not Owens brothers.
Preview is my friend. Preview is my friend. Preview is my friend.
Why do women feel the need to own so many pairs of shoes?
The same question but substitute pairs of shoes with clothes.
Please Frank help me!! I have been married to the same woman for working on 14 years! I have figured out most of womann’s mysteries but those 2 still elude me. I am sure most if not all of your loyal readers would also like to know.
Steffen
“It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is the one who is proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right. Right?” – Lemony Snicket, The Reptile room
An’ I wanna know your answer Frank!
You’re way off on the mouse versus bird prediction. In the middle of a game of drunken croquet, me & a bunch of friends wittnessed the ultimate bird vs. squirrel smackdown. The squirrel got its ass kicked. The bird just kept attacking from above with its tallons while we stood cheered.
It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.
You must answer me these questions 3, ere the other side you seek:
1) What is your name?
2) What is your quest?
3) What is the air-speed velocity of an unlaiden EUROPEAN swallow?
huh? answer THAT one, you so-called ‘all-knowing’ frank j… let’s test just how much you ‘know’….