“It is a time for rebuilding,” President Bush told the Iraqi press. “It is a time for–” A shoe struck Bush in the head. “Ow! What the hell just happened?”
“Oh no!” Maliki exclaimed. “Shoe is grave insult since it rhymes with joo!”
“What kind of dumb baby throws a shoe?” Bush rubbed his forehead. “In America, we express disapproval in a much more civilized manner… such as waving signs while screeching like howler monkeys being slaughtered alive.”
Another shoe flew forward and hit Bush. “Ow! What the frick?”
“You are imperialist pig dog!” the shoe-thrower yelled. “I hate all of America… except Barack Obama. He seems nice.”
“That’s it!” Bush exclaimed. “I’m going to show him what we consider to be a grave insult in America! Hold him down while I urinate on his face!”
* * * *
Bush sat down at his desk in the Oval Office. “It’s nice to be back home where people keep their shoes on their feet. Also, less Muslims.”
Oliver Stone came into the office. “I had a meeting with you.”
“Aren’t you that guy who made a movie about me?” Bush asked. “One I was pretty sure was making fun of me… except I didn’t see it because it didn’t look that interesting.”
“No one saw it,” Stone said, “but I want to make a new movie. I want to buy the movie rights to the shoe throwing incident.”
“Why?”
Stone leaned in close and whispered, “There was more than one shoe-thrower.”
Bush looked shocked. “It was just that guy Muntader al-Zaidi who threw the shoes.”
“That’s what the government wants you to think!” Stone took a photograph out of a folder. “The first shoe was indisputably a right foot shoe, correct?”
“Yeah! It hit me in the head.”
“I had a photo blown up of the second shoe flying through the air, though.” Stone laid down the photo in front of Bush. “Look at the curvature on it. It’s clearly also a right foot shoe. That means the shoes couldn’t have come from one person!”
“Holy crap! But who would put out this lie about the lone shoe-thrower?”
Stone stared at Bush intensely. “The CIA.”
Bush frowned. “I know they didn’t like what they got for funding this last fiscal year, but getting shoes thrown at me seems a little much.”
“We’re going to expose this!” Stone said. “Just let me make the movie.”
Bush was unconvinced. “You’re not going to have Josh Brolin play me again, are you?”
“No. It’s going to be a chimp on a unicycle.”
Dick Cheney entered the office. Bush turned to him and said excitedly. “The shoes getting thrown at me was a conspiracy and a chimp is going to play me in the movie of it. Everyone likes chimps.”
Cheney walked over, picked up Stone, and threw him out the window.
“You threw Oliver Stone out the window!” Bush shouted.
“That’s who that was? I thought he looked familiar.”
“You know, the Secret Service said if people keep falling out that window, they’re going to put bars on it.”
Cheney shrugged. “Whatever. We’re almost done here.”
Anyone who would throw both their shoes has no “sole”!
I believe Oliver was right. I suspect the second shoe came from the grassy knoll. Has anyone looked. Oddly, this time around I don’t seem to give a sheite. When JFK was killed I identified as a democrat (high school kid mimiking parents) and felt a deep loss.
Now, as an adult, I identify as a republican (leaning independent conservative) and find I don’t care that the president has been shoed.
Reid and Pelosi are considering legislation requiring shoe registration and a five day waiting period for all shoe purchases.
John Edwards is not happy.
“grassy knoll”?
LOL! There’s no grass in Iraq!
#4,
OK, a sandy knoll then.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think I will jump in with both feet and see if I can “tie” this one up, before they give me the boot.
*groan* I was wondering how long it would take for the shoe puns to start.
Y’all are a bunch of HEELS who need to first walk a mile in
the journalist’sBooooosh’s shoes. Because then you’ll have their shoes and be a mile away. 😉They’re worried…where was the FBI when the shoes were thrown? Well worry no more. Our next prez will be his OWN soleman…and he’ll heel all our problems.
It’s not funny ya’ll, that shoe could have been laced…
…or velcro-ed even.
Seriously though, I heard it was part of a new international Nike campaign for their Airab Jordans. I believe the tagline is Just Threw It.
I thought Stone was a Bush supporter?
#2. Sorry I said shoed when I think it should have been shod.
#11
I think when they’re thrown it is “shoed”.
You know, Cheney really should throw more people out of windows.
It is clearly a conspiracy, especially when you realize that “al-Zaidi ” is Arabic for “Oswald”…!
And dude’s first name, Muntader is so obviously a made-up name to try to trick us to think he is really a reporter, or as the say in Arabic, ‘COM-Muntader;’ Yeah, he used to do hockey games before the Shiites, the Taliban and Iran outlawed ice.
Mun-Taters. How vituberic he is.
Really either way you look at it Bush wins. Muntater the Vituberic must be a fool. He hates Bush and tosses shoe and thus he proves Bush has been successful in transforming Iraq into some quasi form of democracy. Anyone here imagine shoe tossing at Saddam? If it happened they are buried next to a bunch of gassed kurds where ever they are hidden.
One has to wonder if this show of rebellion may be good for the entire Arab world. Alot of pathological liars otherwise known as Arab heads of state need shoes tossed at them.
As for me I want a pair of brand new Nike Airs. Which Arab do I need to insult? Well I hope I have insulted them all since so many of their cultures seem stuck in neutral in the 10th century with a made up religion of hate based on a loon claiming to be a prophet. Was that sufficient ?
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What if Bush threw his own shoes back at him?
That would have made great YouTube.
Or maybe when the shoes went over his head he could have shouted “Iraq has been de-feeted!”
Isn’t “Muntader” Arabic for Monkey-Faced Hippy? He should have been beaten.
Umm…anyone scared of these Arabs anymore? If they get mad at you they take off their shoes and throw them at you? Ugh…ok Ahbeeb…now what?
LOL. Cheney rules. I guess he decided to “cast the first stone”.
Oh great! Now my shoes are going to cost an extra 50 bucks a pair because Barry and Pelosi are going to insist that each pair be registered and tagged along with my fingerprints which will be sent to the FBI and Homeland Security Databases. They will then pass legislation to close the Shoe Show loop hole that we all now enjoy so much! We will all be force to put our shoes into locked storage for transport, and many businesses will put up signs “We Do Not Allow Shoes On Premis” which will necessitate that we all invest in new socks going forward. Great…just great!!!
Somebody tell Cheney to fling Michael Moore out the window as well…
“Shoeman” sounds rather Jooish.
Darth Cheney rulez!!!
In the land of the bare-footed, the one-shoed man is king!