Right now I’m hoping that by the time IMAO is eight years old I’ll have twenty-five good posts to link back to.
Archive of entries posted on 15th December 2008
Question
Jobs from Space
Instead of bailing out the auto-industry, how about investing that money in finally getting us a workable space-based laser? We can even sell that idea to Congress as a job creation program. You see, for each person we fry with the laser, that’s one more job back on the market.
Think of how encouraging it will be to the recently unemployed when they open the newspaper and see all the new jobs listed like, “terrorist explosive expert,” “dictator for Iran,” and “liberal congressman.”
I know your objection: “Aren’t you just going to use the space laser to shoot hippies, and hippies don’t even have jobs?”
True, but eliminating hippies will still bring down the unemployment statistics… even though hippies never planned on getting jobs.
Anyway, I think this is a very workable program… at least until I figure out how to spin a giant robot with gatling guns for arms as a job creation program.
His place in history
When the Electors meet in their respective states’ capitals today to formally cast their ballots for president, something historical will occur.
But I have a question regarding Barack Obama’s place in history: Will he be the second Mob-connected president, or the third?
Just wondering.
Be Wary of Liberals Near Churches
The possible arson at Palin’s church has made people wonder whether they need to worry about liberals setting fire to their churches. It is a concern.
Now, a liberal is an insane, hate-filled creature and is never going to be near a church except for purposes of evil. If you see a liberal near a church, immediately question him. “What are you doing here?” “What are you planning?” “When will you next bathe?” I also like to violently shake the liberal at this point.
If you find matches or a lighter on the liberal, it’s a good idea to smack him around a bit while asking, “What do you plan to do with this?” It doesn’t matter what he answers; just keep smacking him until he leaves.
If you find this helpful, you might want to put it in your church bulletin.
Shoe for You
An Iraqi TV reporter threw a shoe at President Bush over the weekend. Here’s the video:
Anyway, here’s a helpful article entitled “In Islamic culture, shoe throwing shows disrespect” in case you were confused whether having a show thrown at your face is respectful or not.
Cold is the New Hot
I give up. These kool-aid swillers are unparodyable:
“Ironically, 2008 is on pace to be a slightly cooler year in a steadily rising temperature trend line. Experts say it’s thanks to a La Nina weather variation. While skeptics are already using it as evidence of some kind of cooling trend, it actually illustrates how fast the world is warming.”
[hat tip: Freemon Sandlewould]