Apparently a thousand new species were found in the Greater Mekong region. If you don’t know where that is, it’s just above the Lesser Mekong region and borders Belgium and Uruguay. Anyway, I wonder if that means we’ll be ahead on species this year — you know, a thousand new species minus however many went extinct. If we do come out ahead, does that mean we can pick some species to go extinct to reach equilibrium? If so, I want to make the squirrel extinct. They don’t provide any vital function to the ecosystem and I don’t trust them, so let’s be rid of them. What species do you want to kill off?
I agree with extincting squirrels, on my college’s campus we have a particularly nefarious breed of squirrel that has lost it’s fear of humans. They just stare at you with that evil look in their eyes.
Liberals
I only give this post a 5-star rating in the feeble hope that good ratings inspire you to continue writing the next Hellbender installment…that, and squirrels are an evil lot.
Hey I like squirrels.
I’m sick of hearing about Polar Bears. Oh, and I hate that stupid lead ammo ban to save the Condor. If we kill it off, can we use our lead ammo again?
We should only keep the tastier animals. Pigs, Chickens, Cows are good. Turkeys are really just big Chickens so don’t care either way about them. Don’t have any recipe for Squirrel so won’t miss them.
Don’t like squirrels? Check this out!
As far as the article goes, that snake looks pretty wicked. A great shot of it. Looks like something off the sci-fi channel.
I like the squirrels in the park. I hate the squirrels in my backyard that wake me up and taunt my dogs. Selective Squirrel Slaughter is called for. We can give the carcasses to Huckabee to fry in his popcorn popper, whereafter he’ll become morbidly obese and bedbound. We’ll be rid of the annoying squirrels and the annoying pseudoconservative all in one swell foop. And that appeals to my efficiency fetish – let’s make it happen, people!
HEY!! Deep fried squirrel is NOT to be mocked! Best if dipped in a good beer batter though…..
House Sparrows. Imported from Europe in the late 19th century, the little demons developed a nasty habit of killing the offspring of domestic species and laying their eggs on top of the bodies. Needless to say, they don’t really do much for the eco-system.
Oh, and there’s nothing wrong with cooked squirrel. They taste just as good as an opossum.
Thank you MM, thank you… and don’t forget the raccoons, we can’t oppress their tasty (and a bit greasy) tenders, now can we? The make good chili if you drain off the excess before you add the beans.
Hippies and Hollywoodites.
Hippies and Treehuggers. Oh, and the Pelosi species…
Homo Hippius
Homo Libtardus
Chihauhaus
I agree with Aaron. Let’s get rid of the stinking polar bears. Then, we can let the so called global warming run wild because what’s it really gonna hurt? We could always spray paint some black or brown bears white for the zoos and such.
The RINO
Where did you learn world geography, Frank? Uruguay and Belgium aren’t even in the same hemisphere. (I know its a joke, but did no one else pick that up?)
#13 – Now don’t be namin’ all those ‘Homo’ species and inviting a ussjimmycarter invective!
Like, don’t mention:
Homo Democratus, a large family including:
Homo Barney Frankivoranus
Homo Al Frankenfornicatus
Homo Nancing Pelosideous
Homo Silky Edwardian Folicans
Homo Hillary Clintonistas Maximus
Pandas. They refuse to eat a nourishing diet that doesn’t decimate their surroundings and won’t even mate to keep their numbers up. They’re begging for extinction. Assholes.
Cuckoos because they’re brood parasites and terrorists.
Lions because the moms don’t like to bone when they have babies, so the male will just kill the babies then bone the mother. They’re assholes too.
PammyV
Just because 2 countries aren’t in the same hemisphere doesn’t mean they can’t share a common border. I mean, you can see Russia from the USA, can’t you? And Russia is in the eastern hemisphere and the USA is in the west.
So of course Uruguay and Belgium share a border with the Greater Mekong region. Sheesh.
And I would vote to exterminate whatever species invented those FreeCreditReport.com, Esurance, and Geico caveman commercials.
We need to extinct the prius, I ran over a few on my way to work, BUT THEY KEEP JUMPING INTO THE CARPOOL LANE!!!!!!!!
I don’t care what they do with any of them. I can tell you this. I answered the add at the bottom of this page and now I’m making $5000 a month from home!
Dixie Chicks
I like this squirrel: http://www.illwillpress.com/
Instead of killing all the squirrels, let’s reinvent them through genetics. Let’s take the DNA from Rocket J. Squirrel and create a super race of squirrels that can foil bad guys like Boris Badanov and Natasha.
I say we rid the world of dolphins. They are nature’s aquatic mammalian A**hole. They need to go. Though, I hear they are pretty tasty when mixed with Tuna.
Frank J, you live in freaking Idaho. Buy a freaking .17 cal or a .22 cricket gun, and start cleaning house. Heck, in some states there is no limit on how many squirrels you are allowed to shoot. They make great target practice!
Now if you live in an area where a bunch of whinny liberals will throw a hissy fit about you shooting off small caliber rifles (hell, I consider them more toys then actual firearms), then get yourself a gas powered bb gun. You don’t have to pump them up, and a lot of models are semi and even fully automatic. You can have a freaking squirrel apocalypse in your own back yard.
Plus, fry them up right, and they taste a bit like chicken, only tastier. Plus you can include the pelts in your daily dress in order to freak out hippies even more.
Squirrels are just Rats with a better PR firm.
Personally I’d rather see rats go first.
Mice are OK, when you see one in the house they are always near the wall saying, no need to be bothered I can find my own way. Rats they come in take over the Sofa and the remote and order you you to make them Nachos or Popcorn or Cheese Steaks.
Any animal that homo liberals love…polar bears, whales (including Rosie), dolphins etc.
What species do you want to kill off?
Liberals
#2’s answer covered it.
OK, this talk of whales brings me to a different question: Anybody seen Whale Wars? The Japanese harpooners remind me of Imperial Japan, so I wish extinction on them. The ecofreaks in the other boat remind me of my neighbors, and they are ecofreaks, so I wish extinction on them. But in a mano-a-mano between Japanese whalers and ecofreaks, whom should I root for?
@#24
Foamy Rules!!!
There is NO GOOD reason to keep the Platypus!
innominatus,
Root for both sides. Less stress and then, like liberals, you can claim support for the winning side. And if you arm both sides, you can assure mutual destruction, and a good show. Just be sure you don’t burn the popcorn, the squirrels may like it, but I think burnt tates bad.
Where can I get me a one of them “‘huntin license” thingies?
I agree about Foamy – my fave squirrel. I’ve certainly been recalling his “No Christmas For You” rant a lot this December after that whole mess in Washington State.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNqlGlzNVEE
A friend who passed away this year was an expert on squirrels who had been on national television a number of times. His videos of squirrels solving very, very complex problems to get at bird feeders was pretty hilarious. They certainly have balls, or shall I say nuts.
We could certainly get rid of mosquitoes, roaches, those freakin’ japanese beetles, mice, rats, and moles before we even consider squirrels. Zebra mussels and other invasive species are pretty high on the “kill em all” list as well. At least squirrels have entertainment value.
34,
Good idea – whalers and greenpeace fight to the last twit, who is then killed by a whale (if a greenpeace-o-crap) or a giant squid who would have otherwise been eaten by a toothed whale (if a whaler).
All cats should be exterminated they are planning to take over the world. And that’s what I want to do, I don’t like competition.
the rabid muzzies
infidels
1.) Commies
2.) Terrorists
3.) Labor unions (if you consider them to be somehow different from the other two species I mentioned)
Mosquitoes, blackbirds (unless that’s racist), those giant dish sized spiders that hide in bananas, ticks, liberals (if that is somehow different then a tick), hippies, marijuana bushes (if only to piss of any surviving hippies), mosquitoes, house flies, fire ants, mosquitoes, radical Muslims, bi-polar bears, and mosquitoes.
Cats have already taken over the world.
Brussels sprouts. Remember, vegetables are species, too.
Chipmunks roasting over an open fire, Hot sauce dripping from their toes………
I’m gonna have to go with the three toed sloth. They just look so #%$@ depressed.
Skwerls. MUST. DIE.
All of them.
Wretched, evil beasts.
Platipi, I just love plantipi. They are my favorite animals. I just imagine someone helping the Lord at creation, saying “Lord I have this bag of left over parts, what do you want me to do with them.” And the Lord said, “Let’s see we have some fur, some web feet, a beak, a beaver type tail, and some mammal parts. What can we make with that.” Voila, the platipus.
The platipus is the reason I believe that God has a sense of humor.
We need a poll on this issue.
I like the squirrels, because I own no bird feeders.
They give our dog something to bark at in the yard.
We have a large population of black squirrels
here.According to our city ordinance,
it is illegal to“annoy, worry, maim, injure
or kill” a black squirrel.
Discriminatory, I think.
What about the noble red squirrel?
No! Not Squirrel… Squirrel tasty, good little creature… cum rite to dor, jump in pot! Xtinct lawer! No need lawer, have forty five!
WHAT DO THEY TASTE LIKE ???
Chicken of course, doesn’t everything.
#50 it’s illegal to “worry” a squirrel? where do live nj?
So can I sue the state of Iowa for annoying, worrying and injuring my psyche? I wish people would wake up and take back their government. Throw these morons out.
Tasty. . . well, some folk like the brains. . . my votes for species to eliminate include shower curtain mold and Plasmodium falciparum — remember, even if it’s small and stupid and like a thousand of ’em would fit inside one of your cells, it’s STILL a species!
Let’s declare liberals a “species” and make THEM extinct.
Homo Liberalis
Homo Democratus
Homo Treehuggerus
Homosexuals
Wait wait wait.
Don’t want polar bears extinct.
See, greenie libtards THINK polar bears are going extinct, so they’ll go up there to check, monitor, get video of how evil humans are and prevent the Canuks from killing baby seals.
Since polar bears are not going extinct, the greenies will be happy to see one, try to give it a hug, and subsequently get eaten. This will naturally reduce the population of greenies and feed the bears. Well fed polar bears will eat less fish and baby seals…leaving more for the rest of us!
Yes for:
Panda bears, and those Cali Condors…they’re too stupid to live
Mosquitoes, fire ants
Furless cats and
Noone mentioned lawyers or politicians just on general principle?!?
They fall into the same general catagory as liberals and squirrels.