Health Care Questions for Obama

ABC News (you know, the ones who plan to play Pravda for Comrade Obama’s health care scheme on June 24th) says they want to “hear from you about the country’s health care system” and want to know:

What question would you want to ask the president about health care?

As a patriotic American, I shall do my part:


“Just do as I say, and no one gets hurt. Except doctors, insurance companies, and sick people.”

* For $1 trillion, you’ll be insuring 17 million people. Could you just cut me a check for $60,000 and we’ll call it even?

* Can I still choose my own doctor even if he gets disgusted with your system and quits practicing medicine?

* Under the new system, will priority treatment be given to patients who voted for you, or only the ones who contributed to your campaign?

* Will the new system cover back injuries sustained while bowing to you?

* If this legislation passes, will Rahm Emanuel finally be able to get some treatment for his Tourrette’s?

* Is there a provision in this bill to stop those creepy Levitra commercials that show grandparents making out?

* Can you send me a list of diseases that medical marijuana treats? I need to catch one of them before my trial.

* Is it true that the only doctor who was consulted on this legislation was Dr. Nick Riviera of the Hollywood Upstairs School of Medicology?

* Will your health care plan cover treatment for being beaten up by Black Panthers while attempting to vote?

* If I miss work due to illness, will you write me a note?


What would YOU ask His Oneness?

22 Comments

  1. * It would be cheaper to shoot myself in the head. What caliber do you advise?

    * In case I need surgery on a limb, should I instead command my German Shepherd to chew the limb off? Or should I lay down in front of an 18-wheeler?

  2. Is this a joke?

    Is there any provision in this boondoggle for if your teleprompter gets a virus or something?

    Will there be doctors in the camps you ship conservatives to or will you just let them kill each other and turn to cannibalism?

    Can your medical plan do anything about the hideous skeleton-monster that is walking around the capitol? Wait. THAT’s Pelosi?!!!

    Seriously – Is this a joke?

    Is there coverage for “Vice Presidental Oral Foot Removal Surgery”?

    Did you think this up when you were coked out of your head while flying Air Force One around New York City?

    I was recently bitten by a radioactive spider. I can now climb walls, swing from the Empire State Building, and kiss girls while hanging upside down in the rain. Is there anything your medical plan will be able to do to help?

    Do you see any similarity between your socialist medical plan and Fidel Castro’s socialist medical plan?

    Will you be installing a Telescreen in all our homes to monitor if we fall down on a freshly-mopped kitchen floor?

    Is any money going to be set aside to sanitize all bathroom toilets for our protection?

    No – really. Is this a joke?

  3. Will this new system be a well-run as medicare?

    After you institute socialized medicine, where will foreign politicins like Silvio Berlusconi of Italy and Belinda Stronich of Canada go for treatment?

  4. * Do you hate all Americans and want them to die, or just those with money?

    * Are you actually the spawn of Satan himself, or are the two of you just close friends?

    * After you take over the medical sector, you’ll personally be in control of it, the financial sector, the automotive sector, and the politcal sector. How many more areas do you plan to take over before you have yourself declared god-king-dictator-for-life?

    * Or do you prefer the title “supreme high potentate”?

  5. Will ACORN be in charge of what care I get?

    Will white males be covered under this plan?

    “Mr President, are you stoned or stupid?”

    to #6 GEJ: I can answer that one……..Both stoned and stupid.

  6. My serious reply to ABC: “I don’t have health insurance. I pay for all of my doctor bills in cash. I’m 26 years old and haven’t had health insurance since I graduated from college at age 22. I work on a contract basis, so my employer doesn’t provide it. If I wanted health insurance right now I would have to buy it as an individual. I haven’t done that, though. I have chosen to take the risk. It is cheaper for me to pay regular doctor bills up front, in cash, than to pay an insurance premium and then the deductible. I have a savings account for emergencies. The only problem I would have is if I needed major surgery or something. Then, yes, I would be in a bind. The thing is, though, I don’t want other people to be on the hook for me. I am responsible for myself. I don’t want other people to pay taxes to cover my medical bills. I don’t want the government to punish other people for not paying for my healthcare. If this thing goes through I would rather pay the penalties or go with a more expensive private company than jump on board the government health care bandwagon. I won’t contribute to companies going out of business, people losing their jobs, and my friends and neighbors paying out their hard-earned money so I can mooch off the system. I have a little more self-respect than that.”

  7. Mr. President;

    How can “health care” be a “right,” when someone practicing the “right” to “health care,” requires that another person or entity give up some of their time, energy, real or intellectual property, knowledge and/or money to practice? Isn’t this also known as “involuntary servitude?” Didn’t this country almost destroy itself trying to keep half of it from practicing “involuntary servitude” on persons of a different skin color? What makes this different, and why?

  8. Mr. President, as you rape my savings to pay for your plans, can I be assured that you will at least be generous with the 401KY Jelly?

    Mr. President, does your new program cover the “rectal craniotomy” procedure that get’s liberals’ heads out of the bottoms?

  9. Always assuming that the left is left due to drug use is silly. I consider you all moderate at most, compared to me, and i’m constantly stoned off my head. The drugs are not to blame. The stupid in them predates the t.h.c. Too bad you can’t ban dumbness, although i’d expect the same level of wild success as we’ve had in our war on (some) drugs.

  10. Does O-bah-muhhCare cover the surgical removal of Keith Obermann’s nose from your anal sphincter? Does O-bah-muhhCare hire the Impeached President Clinton to ‘feel our pain’? Why hasn’t Jocelyn Elders been named Masturbation Czar? When do you implement the forced sterilization of couples after one biological childbirth? Will O-bah-muhhCare adapt the First Klingon’s “It is a good day to die!” Battlecry as it’s Mission Statement? Inquiring Minds Will Be Lobotomized!

  11. Sure, you joke… but these are legitimate questions! ….And I particularly like the first one, I could use an extra $60,000 bucks even in currently nearly worthless dummed down US Dollars.

  12. * Is it true, Mr. President, that you’ve already declared the Boomer generation to be “ready for the land?”

    (The phrase “ready for the land” was invented by my 8 year-old son years ago when describing a family friend who was about to die.)

  13. Hate to point it out, but clearly now that there is a HUGE tax on inheritance, it IS in everyone’s best interest to bump them off, eh? Let’s not let them have anymore of those unnecessary procedures (you know, like emergency appendectomies: crap, you can’t even USE that organ and you want to pay to take it out? What’s wrong with you anyway?)

  14. Mr. President, In my Copy of the Constitution of The United States I can’t seem to find the part were it states anything about Health care. Could you please tell me which Article it can be found in.

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