Archive of entries posted on 8th June 2009

Making Fun of a Classic

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I watched the Casablanca riff from RiffTrax – the first classic they’ve taken on unless you’re some geek who considers The Empire Strikes Back a classic (and there are no geeks at IMAO) – and it was pretty funny. There’s actually plenty to make fun of with Casablanca just with all the silly hats. Still, it was a while since I last saw Casablanca and there were a couple times I was trying to listening past their comments to the actual dialogue.

Just like with MST3K, I’ve started to notice some running jokes that appears between all the riffs. Like most riffs seems to have one joke at the expense of Ron Paul. I wonder if his supporters flooded their RiffTrax forum? Those guys sure knew how to make friends and influence people.

Obama’s Law

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Godwin’s Law: “As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1”

There is a tradition in many newsgroups and other Internet discussion forums that once such a comparison is made, the thread is finished and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically “lost” whatever debate was in progress.

Obama’s Law: “As Obama’s presidency grows longer, the probability that the mainstream media will compare him to Jesus or God approaches 1”.

Assuming the same tradition applies, Newsweek just lost the debate:

[direct link]

EVAN THOMAS: Well, we were the good guys in 1984, it felt that way. It hasn’t felt that way in recent years. So Obama’s had, really, a different task We’re seen too often as the bad guys. And he – he has a very different job from – Reagan was all about America, and you talked about it. Obama is ‘we are above that now.’ We’re not just parochial, we’re not just chauvinistic, we’re not just provincial. We stand for something – I mean in a way Obama’s standing above the country, above – above the world, he’s sort of God. He’s-

MATTHEWS: Yeah.

THOMAS: He’s going to bring all different sides together.

[emphasis added]

Lost Post: Cheney on a Rampage

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I usually schedule the posts in the morning to appear throughout the day, but sometimes WordPress acts a little wonky and things don’t get posted. This post was meant for April 27th, but it never appeared on the site and has just been sitting in its hidden corner in the SQL database since. So here it is devoid of temporal context:

So Dick Cheney has requested some specific documents to show the effectiveness of “harsh interrogation techniques”. That means now he’s going right up against Obama on the “torture” controversy. So basically you have a little piece of fluff up against a battle-ready cyborg who has replaced the center of his brain used for human emotions with a targeting computer (or so I assume). At what point, though, do we stop laughing at the situation and say, “Cheney, it is not right for you to crush the president with your steel coated hands. End attack sequence.”? Don’t think he won’t turn on us next!

Tips About Visiting Yellowstone National Park

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I had fun at Yellowstone last week, but I’d thought I’d compile some tips about the park to help anyone else who is planning to visit there.

TIPS ABOUT VISITING YELLOWSTONE

* Make sure any ranger station you visit is an actual ranger station listed on the maps of Yellowstone. Bears often set up phony ranger stations and maul anyone who enters.

* Yellowstone sits on a miles wide super volcano, so when visiting the park always know where the nearest virgin is in case you need to offer a sacrifice to stave off an explosion.

* Buffalo are extremely docile creatures unless you make fun of their street magic.

* If you shoot a bear for stealing your picnic basket, it’s not considered self-defense. Especially if you also shoot and kill his little tag-along.

* If you are surrounded by a wolf pack, yell really loud and kick the largest one in the head to assert your dominance. Now they will be your wolf pack and punish your enemies.

* Don’t get angry when the park rangers yell at you for peeing in a geyser. Hot steam comes out of those, so they’re just looking out for your wang.

* If a grizzly bear seems hostile, that just means it needs a hug.

* During a thunderstorm, stay away from moose. Their antlers attract lightning bolts. Each male moose gets struck by lightning an average of eight times per year.

* Old Faithful only get its name because it seems so faithful compared to the other geysers which are all lying sluts.

* Remember to bring bear mace with you in case while visiting Yellowstone you need to spray someone in the face that you’re bounty hunting.

* Even though your tax dollars pay their salary, park rangers in Yellowstone get pretty pissy when you start shooting random animals in the face.

* If you are chased by a bear, play dead. If you are chased by wolves, play undead as they’re scared of zombies.

* If while driving through Yellowstone you count how many trees there are, you win a prize.

An Idea

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Instead of reacting to each days news, I wonder if it would instead be more efficient to just do a daily joke about useless and ineffective as president Obama is?

Obama is so useless and ineffective as president that…

…if he got his head stuck in a bucket while locking himself in a hall closet, it would be his most productive day so far.

Award!

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The Center for Disease Control (via their bright-eyed eager-beaver intern/gofer cptnmoroni) has honored IMAO with the “This Blog is Swine Flu Free” Award.

We at IMAO know that the only way to prevent swine flu is to kill all pigs. Then eat their flesh because it’s incredibly tasty. And use their fat to lubricate the barrels of our rifles when we go out hunting Islamic terrorists.

Please note: although Nancy Pelosi and Henry Waxman have incredibly prominent nostrils, they are not pigs, just Democrats. Do not kill, eat, or vote for these people.

FINE PRINT:

To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (Current estimated wait time – 3 Award posts), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to harvolson-at-gmail.com and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

Random Thoughts

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As a compromise between belief and unbelief, moderates worship Satan.

If there were no actual examples of irony in this universe, wouldn’t that be ironic? Answer: No.

Sotomayor is considerate of non-Latinos. When she shouts, “For the race,everything. For those outside the race, nothing,” she does it in English.

My wife was convinced Daniel Craig is gay for some reason. I guess he just looks it next to me.

Mythbusters has to be the best educational show ever. Physics, engineering, and critical thinking all taught with explosions.

It’s so nice. My wife has finally discovered that modern dishwashers actually do all the work for you. You don’t have to prewash or anything. What exactly did she think the point of the dishwasher was if you had to scrub the dishes clean first? It’s there in the name: dish”wash”er – not dish “soak in water for no apparent reason”er.

If your dishwasher requires you to wash dishes for it, it is being insubordinate. Destroy it as an example to others.

So how many times do you think people have tried to replace the entire Earth article on Wikipedia with the phrase “Mostly harmless.”?

Liberals don’t have to watch their speech because it’s not like their wussy, tofu-eating fringe lunatics can do much damage.

I’m so awesome, I need some sort of safety release valve to dissipate some of my awesomeness before I explode. Like a guitar solo.

I wonder if we can convert our dog to being hypoallergenic by giving her hair plugs.

The worst kind of plagiarism is when you tell people who you are plagiarizing. It’s so brazen.

I don’t care if Palin murdered your family in cold blood; don’t say anything bad about her if you don’t want to be called a RINO. We should blacklist anyone who has said anything critical of Palin. When society breaks down, they will be sent beyond the Thunderdome.

“So Biden, when you plagiarized that Chris Rock routine, there’s a couple problems from that.”

I swear, I see one more completely useless person question Palin’s intelligence, I’m going to go Ted Nugent.