I had fun at Yellowstone last week, but I’d thought I’d compile some tips about the park to help anyone else who is planning to visit there.
TIPS ABOUT VISITING YELLOWSTONE
* Make sure any ranger station you visit is an actual ranger station listed on the maps of Yellowstone. Bears often set up phony ranger stations and maul anyone who enters.
* Yellowstone sits on a miles wide super volcano, so when visiting the park always know where the nearest virgin is in case you need to offer a sacrifice to stave off an explosion.
* Buffalo are extremely docile creatures unless you make fun of their street magic.
* If you shoot a bear for stealing your picnic basket, it’s not considered self-defense. Especially if you also shoot and kill his little tag-along.
* If you are surrounded by a wolf pack, yell really loud and kick the largest one in the head to assert your dominance. Now they will be your wolf pack and punish your enemies.
* Don’t get angry when the park rangers yell at you for peeing in a geyser. Hot steam comes out of those, so they’re just looking out for your wang.
* If a grizzly bear seems hostile, that just means it needs a hug.
* During a thunderstorm, stay away from moose. Their antlers attract lightning bolts. Each male moose gets struck by lightning an average of eight times per year.
* Old Faithful only get its name because it seems so faithful compared to the other geysers which are all lying sluts.
* Remember to bring bear mace with you in case while visiting Yellowstone you need to spray someone in the face that you’re bounty hunting.
* Even though your tax dollars pay their salary, park rangers in Yellowstone get pretty pissy when you start shooting random animals in the face.
* If you are chased by a bear, play dead. If you are chased by wolves, play undead as they’re scared of zombies.
* If while driving through Yellowstone you count how many trees there are, you win a prize.
“If you are surrounded by a wolf pack, yell really loud and kick the largest one in the head to assert your dominance. Now they will be your wolf pack and punish your enemies.”
Yessir. There’s a reason a lone wolf can be heard howling in the distance during any Dick Cheney speech.
If a grizzly bear seems hostile, that just means it needs a hug.
Can we get hippies to do this in mass?
Let’s not forget, we can thank the Muslims for Yellowstone National Park.
* Don’t get angry when the park rangers yell at you for peeing in a geyser. Hot steam comes out of those, so they’re just looking out for your wang.
Ok, I lost it right there. Hot steam comes out of mine, too.
(I remember the WANG minicomputer. Remember Dr. Wang, Frank?)
TIPS ABOUT VISITING YELLOWSTONE
bring guns lots of guns
bring ammo lots of ammo for said guns
bring a couple of hippies(I know what your thinking but wait for it.)
Bring food and tent and fire to cook send tent…I mean food
when bears wolfs moose or any other animal comes to get your food send out a hippie
if that don’t work thats what the guns and ammo are for
Old Faithful only get its name because it seems so faithful compared to the other geysers which are all lying sluts.
so don’t stick you wang in any of the other geysers
All the hullaballoo in recent months about concealed carry in national parks – so now they’re OK with carrying, but NOT OK with indiscriminately shooting wildlife in the face? Why even bother to carry then? Where I come from, they call people like that a tease. That’s just low. Like dangling a cheeseburger in front of some Ethiopian kid then yanking it away and eating it yourself. Rotten lowlife gummit sunnybeaches!
What’s the prize?
Speaking of “needing a hug,” the Obamapologists seem to be rather quiet lately. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I’m just sayin’.
When I’m not crying over the direction they are taking this country, I am laughing at their stupidity in what they (s)elected. Gonna be a fun 3.5 years…is it 2013 yet?
All male park rangers in Yellowstone are “Rump Rangers” in reality. You have been warned!
I remember Dr. Wang, never pee’d in a geyser to my knowledge, but William Hung might have.>>>Darwin Award Candidates often fall for when the bears play dead, and investigate too closely.>>> Moose and squirrel can often be seen at Frostbite Falls.
Hey BOO BOO!!! Let’s get us some picinic-type baskets!!!
During a thunderstorm, stay away from moose. Their antlers attract lightning bolts. Each male moose gets struck by lightning an average of eight times per year.
How many moose per year are struck by the other anti-Moose force of nature? The one with the gun and a helicopter and a gubernatorial victory?