Archive of entries posted on 30th June 2009

Are You Being Served?

Posted by on


Ground floor: Perfumery, stationary, and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food. Going up…
First floor: Telephones, gents ready made suits, shirts, suits, ties, hats, underwear, and shoes. Going up…


Are you being served, sir?


Yes, we come from Iran. We look for freedom and democracy. You have a president? Mr. Bush? He help us, no?


I’m sorry, sir, but Mr. Bush has retired.


Yes, old Mr. Bush, you fire. We know. We want young Mr. Bush.


The confusion is understandable, sir. Both old Mr. Bush and young Mr. Bush have left our service.


You have Clinton?


Yes, as a matter of fact. Mrs. Clinton, are you free?


I’m free, Captain Peacock.


No, no. Not woman Clinton. Man Clinton, he help in Kosovo.


I’m sorry, sir, but Mr. Clinton has retired as well. If Mrs. Clinton won’t do, perhaps our Junior, Mr. Obama can assist.


Obama? I like name. We talk with him.


Mr. Obama, are you free?


I’m free, Captain Peacock.


These good people would like some freedom and democracy.


Freedom and democracy? Ah, I see. Well, um, it’s, um, like this, you see. Um, we don’t really provide freedom and democracy.


But neighbor Iraq get freedom and democracy from you.


Oh, sir, not from me. No, sir. Not from me. Not at all. We did have a man here recently that, I believe, provided freedom and democracy to Iraq. But that was wrong. Very wrong, sir.


But Iraq like freedom and democracy. Oh, it not fit exactly, but Mr. Bush tell them it ride up with wear. And that happen. Now we want freedom and democracy.


If I might beg your pardon sir, didn’t you have a free and democratic election recently? That seems to me to be freedom and democracy already.


We have election. But it, how do you say, not a free and democratic election.


Oh, but sir. There was a selective recount, wasn’t there? And there were more votes cast than people living there, were there not? That’s how the Democrats in my country do it.


You will not help me with freedom and democracy?


Oh, I don’t see how I could, sir. But if you would bring your leaders here, I’m sure I can charm them so that they will just ooze freedom and democracy.


I see we have come to wrong place.


Thank you for coming by, sir. We hope we can be of asssitance in the future.


Ah, young Mr. Obama. I was watching how that was handled that. You’ve all done very well!


Thank you, Mr. Soros.

America’s Greatest Crime

Posted by on

Puerto Rico does not want a new monkey breeding facility. Apparently, in the ’60s and ’70s monkeys escaped from a facility and now plague a whole town there.

I had never heard of this.

In school I was taught about how America slaughtered Indians, enslaved people, and interred the Japanese, but I guess they decided to keep hidden America’s worst crime of all: plaguing the Puerto Ricans with monkeys.

And now it could happen again.

Yes, they claim the monkey breeding facility is “inescapable”, but anyone evil enough to actually breed monkeys will probably one day just release them on an unsuspecting populace just for laughs.

Call your congressman and tell them to say no to monkey breeding in Puerto Rico. This world has enough horrors already; it doesn’t need more monkeys.

(hat top to Michael J. Nelson)

lolbama! Part 17

Posted by on

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Lots of good entries this week, so I’m sitting this one out & letting the submissions speak for themselves.

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From 667:

Also from 667:

Also also from 667:

Also also also from 667:

From Anon:

From dneff:

From LF:

From Raving Lunatic:

Also from Raving Lunatic:

From Beast:

From Colorado Right:

From Elwin:

From Peregrine John:

From Shane:

From Velvet Elvis:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

NOTE: “If I only had a brain” will probably have multiple submissions. You might want to try something else completely, or at least use a more indirect Scarecrow-related caption.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

War Against Wall Street

Posted by on

My uncle, financial planner and radio show host Bruce Lefavi, has a site War Against Wall Street to try to find solutions to the mess we’re in now, who should be fined, jailed, executed… that sort of thing. He has a blog on it now to try and explain some of the financial issues going on that are a bit beyond me, like whether Obama’s socialist programs will lead to inflation or deflation. Anyway, hopefully something can fix the financial mess before we’re all back to being hunters and gatherers.

Anger at What You Don’t Understand

Posted by on

Ever seen Salon’s “Ask a Wingnut” column? In it, a right-winger tries to calmly explain conservative opinions to liberals. If you look at the comments, though, you can see the problem. Liberals squeal like stuck pigs if even exposed to a counter viewpoint.

I think this one of the big problems of the conservative and liberal divide. Conservatives in general are much more capable of dealing with opposing viewpoints. We have to be. We’re constantly bombarded with liberal talking points in the news, TV shows, movies, and music. And liberal opinions are not completely foreign to us. You take a conservative and remove some values like honor and responsibility, and you get to a liberal. Since their values are a subset of our own, we can understand them.

But with liberals, they understand conservative opinions about as well as the monkeys in 2001 understood the obelisk. They shriek and get angry and want to smash it with blunt things. They try to reduce conservative opinions down to their own myopic values, but when unable they just conclude that conservative must be stupid and evil since liberals are incapable of understanding them.

So next time a liberal freaks out, try and understand why. It’s scary when things are beyond your understanding. And also punch them in their dumb monkey faces when they speak because I’m tired of dealing with them.

Random Thoughts

Posted by on

How much do I have to pay to not hear anything more about the John Edwards sex tape?

They might as well sentence Madoff to life in prison because at his age I don’t think he’ll live 150 more years.

Perez Hilton and Rose O’Donnell should team up and do a talk show together. Then again, the larger one would probably end up eating the smaller one.

If Sotomayor is made a Supreme Court Justice, can other judges sue Obama for hiring on race instead of merit?

Can we sue America for the election of Obama as a hiring based on race instead of merit?

I think one of the reasons I feel so bad about Billy Mays dying is that I had the ShamWow guy in my dead pool.

I wonder if China will take California in exchange for debts we own. Hopefully they’re that stupid.

Dude, Slipknot, calm down. There’s no reason to scream.

Man, I wish I was in the military. If they one day plot a coup, I’ll be so out of the loop.

Even assuming Obama knows much I am unawares, why is he jumping to attention on Honduras when we had to drag him kicking and screaming on Iran?

So do I believe Honduras or Castro, Obama, and Chavez on whether the rule of law was followed?

Do you think Rep. Waxman’s face is strategic? You’re drawn to make fun of it when you really should be making fun of his intelligence.