Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, or “Shaky Mo” as I like to call him, says he lied to the CIA during harsh interrogations. I don’t know how we can tell if he’s telling the truth about that, though.
Oh wait, I do know how: More waterboarding!
Archive of entries posted on 17th June 2009
Obama Needs Encouragement
So Obama is whining about how FOX News is against him, which seems an odd complaint on a day when we find out ABC will turn its news program into an infomercial on his behalf to sell the public healthcare. Also, Bush had to deal with CBS, NBC, ABC, MSNBC, and CNN against him, and he didn’t whine. Then again, you have to remember things are much harder for Obama. He has absolutely no idea what he’s doing. And not like he can turn to his VP for wisdom. Thus Obama needs constant encouragement for all television channels to keep doing his job.
Maybe we should take some time to offer our own words of encouragement to him.
Obama, I know things have been difficult for you, but so far you haven’t accidentally cut off any of your fingers. That’s a victory right there. And even though you’ve been president for a few month, we haven’t had a nuclear attack. And though 10% unemployment seems like a lot, that is 90% employment which seems like even more. So just buck up and read whatever is on your teleprompter and I’m sure you’ll get through this.
Health Care Questions for Obama
ABC News (you know, the ones who plan to play Pravda for Comrade Obama’s health care scheme on June 24th) says they want to “hear from you about the country’s health care system” and want to know:
What question would you want to ask the president about health care?
As a patriotic American, I shall do my part:
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* For $1 trillion, you’ll be insuring 17 million people. Could you just cut me a check for $60,000 and we’ll call it even?
* Can I still choose my own doctor even if he gets disgusted with your system and quits practicing medicine?
* Under the new system, will priority treatment be given to patients who voted for you, or only the ones who contributed to your campaign?
* Will the new system cover back injuries sustained while bowing to you?
* If this legislation passes, will Rahm Emanuel finally be able to get some treatment for his Tourrette’s?
* Is there a provision in this bill to stop those creepy Levitra commercials that show grandparents making out?
* Can you send me a list of diseases that medical marijuana treats? I need to catch one of them before my trial.
* Is it true that the only doctor who was consulted on this legislation was Dr. Nick Riviera of the Hollywood Upstairs School of Medicology?
* Will your health care plan cover treatment for being beaten up by Black Panthers while attempting to vote?
* If I miss work due to illness, will you write me a note?
What would YOU ask His Oneness?
New Moon Project
A number of readers noticed this, and yes, I am currently working with NASA on this project. Basically, we’re making a big explosion on the moon to see what it will look like. This will help prepare for one day nuking the moon and making that explosion as impressive as possible. My job in this project is to come up with a cover story to make it look like there’s a scientific purpose to exploding stuff on the moon. I came up with that sending debris six miles into the air will somehow help us know if water is on the moon, which I think is pretty decent BS.
Hopefully this all goes well, because then we can start working on the nuke. I plan to make nuking the moon a nuclear disarmament proposal to better fit with the Obama administration.
Random Thoughts
If Ahmadinejad is a classic right-winger, wouldn’t the left condemn him more forcefully?
Maybe Rahm could tell Obama to not waste this Iranian crisis.
Soon Obama press conferences will just be reporters laying gifts at his feet and worshiping him.
“When fascism comes to America, it will be promising hope and change.” Eh, guess that should be past tense.
Maybe Obama isn’t speaking out against the oppression in Iran because he’s too busy taking notes.
Lesson: If you wanted someone to speak forcefully on Iran, you should have elected a president with testicles.
My wife always yells at me for punching the kitties in the head. They never say anything.
We grow up thinking we should model ourselves after John Wayne, but it ends up what women want are effeminate vampires.
It’s A Good Life
Tonight’s story on The Twilight Zone is somewhat unique and calls for a different kind of introduction.
Imagine a place called the United States, and there’s a little building there called the White House. On a given morning not too long ago, the real world disappeared and America was changed. Its inhabitants were sure of one thing: the cause. A monster had arrived in the White House. Just by using his charm, he took away the automobiles, the banks, the sanity – because they displeased him – and he moved an entire country back into the dark ages – just by using his charm. This is the Twilight Zone.
Continue reading ‘It’s A Good Life’ »