FormerHostage [High Praise!] left this in the comments, and I wanted to make sure everyone got a chance to read it because it’s a real slab of bacon.
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JB: Hey sport, you send for me?
BO: Uh, yeah Joe, uh, we have a, uh, situation and, uh, we’re gonna need you to, uh, do something drastic.
JB: Hey buddy, don’t worry. Ol’ Sheriff Joe is on the case!
BO: Uh, yeah. Uh well…uh Joe, put down the letter opener, remember what happened last time.
JB: Oh God, yeah. What was I thinking?
BO: Anyway, uh, the ‘Secret Undisclosed Location’ has been compromised…
JB: HEY! I said I was sorry but how were they gonna deliver the pizza if I didn’t give them the address?
BO: …uh…yeah. Well, anyway I have a new plan.
JB: Did Valerie say it was OK?
BO: HEY! I’m the President and I make the big decisions by myself!
JB: …
BO: …
JB: …
BO: Yes, OK? As I was saying, uh, there’s a new plan. What I…
JB: Valerie.
BO: …WE are going to do is to announce that, uh, you’re being replaced as VP.
JB: For one lousy pizza?!?
BO: Cool your jets Joe. We’re just going to tell the people that but you’ll still be the Veep, just, uh, kinda, uh, super secret like.
JB: Oh! Like Secret Squirrel?
BO: …uh, surrrrre. Well, after the election you just move back to Dakota…
JB: Delaware.
BO: …wherever you want…and just pretend like you’re, uh, no longer the Veep.
JB: So, what should I do?
BO: Well, pretty much what you do now.
JB: Bitchin’! Do I still get the motorcade?
BO: No.
JB: How about my clothing allowance? It’s expensive to get those juice stains out.
BO: No.
JB: My secretary?
BO: I keep telling you Joe, that’s a portrait of Dolly Madison.
JB: Then how come she’s not holding any cupcakes?
BO: …Off topic Joe. Now, uh, can you do this for me?
JB: Sure Buckaroo. I’ll go undercover. I’ll be deeper than a fruitfly in a mango grove!
BO: A…what? In a what? Nevermind. Well this will…put down the paperweight…this will be effective immediately Joe.
JB: Can it wait until after lunch? They got pudding today!
BO: Uh, sure.
Well done.
That’s not just a slab of bacon, it’s fully cooked!
JB: Do I still get to ride on the choo-choo trains every day?
BO: Of course ! You are even going to get your own…PERSONALIZED.. conductors hat !!!
JB: But..I don’t know anything about orchestras. I’d rather just ride the choo-choo trains.
OB: O.K…Done !!! Just be careful about our platform…err…I mean, be careful ON the platform..we wouldn’t want you to fall off our …err…..THE…platform and be run over by a speeding train full of Chicago politicians who no longer need a non-descript, non-confrontational, non-defined white guy as fuel for the train..uhhh..mmm…choo-choo. TRUST ME, when I’m out there on my Canadian bus with “What’s-His-Name”” trying to convince America that, Yes, WE CAN!!!! fix this mess and provide America with everything that made Russia and all the Middle Eastern countries so great, you willl be happy that your nap times are not being inturrupted or overlooked ! You will embody my vision of America :We will leave you behind so that you can just enjoy your life and depend on us.
JB: WOW!! Thanks for looking out for me, as you have for all Americans in the last 4 years !!! How can I ever repay you ?
BO: Don’t worry about that, I’ll make sure the (other) rich guys do.
He won’t dump his insurance policy. There’s no way he’d let Hillary be VP, Obama doesn’t have the guts Romney does. He has to be the center of everyone’s universe. The sun around which we all orbit.